A's vs AIDS take TWO

A 3 game series of team bandwagon vs the A's in Oakland starts tonight. This should be fun, now that people see Lester throw a no-hitter and suddenly forget about all of his shitty starts and think he's a great pitcher. Gay Buttholes threw a no-hitter last year, and he's lights out this year! It actually sucks that we're going against Lester in game 3, since the A's kryptonite is shitty left-handed pitchers, and Lester fits that mold.

At least we've got Rich Harden going against Tim "Mustard" Wakefield tonight. Hopefully Big Sloppy and Ramirez will be out of the lineup due to too much ass injecting. Hopefully our guys will quit playing like bitches, and stick it to Boston. After all, Boston in general is a joke - example - Celtics. Remember them, the most overrated team of all time, that just lost to Detroit at home.

We'll be watching this series closely, especially for all of the bandwagon red soxers who will undoubtedly show up in Oakland. If you see them, remind them of how low their IQs are. They won't understand what you're talking about, which will make it even funnier. I think we should bring back the "1918" chant, that way we can see how many of them even understand what it means. Probably 10% of em....Eat a D Boston!

Boston's Big Three (Vaginas)

I haven't posted for a while, as I'm in the process of moving. Fun times. Anyway, good to see the A's getting back on track, the Red Sox getting owned by the Twinkies (3 of 4), and the A's are back in 1st while Boston is about to fall into 2nd...3rd.....

At any rate, I meant to mention this before, but the 2008 Boston Celtics are the most overrated team of all time. Its official. It was official after the sub .500 Atlanta Hawks took them to a game 7, but its official now that we see they can't win on the road in the playoffs. The reason? Their "Big Three" (what a joke - there will only be 1 true "Big Three" - Hudson, Mulder and Zito, back when those guys were good) are three complete pussies. Garnett has "some" toughness, like pushing Lebron James while Lebron is dunking on him. Tough. Pierce, Allen (and Rondo and others) are just a bunch of floppers. I've never seen guys flop so much, not even the 2007 Utah Jazz. Pierce might be the most overrated player of the last 20 years, I love how the announcers keep calling him and Garnett "WINNERS". Winners? Really? I realize its a team sport and all, but what have Garnett or Pierce ever actually won? Their Junior High School round robin tourney? A game of hop scotch in 5th grade? Last time I checked, they haven't won shit, so if you use a term like "winner" for someone, technically, they should have won something. Just a thought.

If you haven't noticed, Pierce cannot take pressure at all, and all 3 of these guys settle for jump shots. I really just wanted to point out that Paul Pierce sucks, he's a flopper, and he probably whines more than anyone I've ever seen (even Kevin Youkilis!). Also, I've noticed a striking similarity between Doc Rivers and Ken Macha. How can anyone think Doc Rivers is a good coach? Everytime they show him on TV, he looks like he doesn't know where he is or doesn't know what the hell is going on. Its like he thinks he's golfing or something. And then he just gives that awkward and uncomfortable smile, like OJ Simpson, where he looks like he might have just killed someone.

I loved Garnett getting Youtube'd by Lebron last night. Watch for yourself, its good times.

Best in the AL

I've been looking forward to this 4 games series between the A's and Monkeys in Anaheim for some time now, since I hate the LA Monkeys. Game 1 did not disappoint! I've never been a fan of Jon Garland, and thought he was always overrated by his high win totals in Chicago. I actually laughed when I heard the Angels had traded for him in the off-season, I guess it didn't turn out too bad since their top 2 pitchers have not pitched yet this year and they needed Garland's corpse on the mound every 5th day.

Does it get better than watching Frank Thomas "leg" out a triple? That is honestly something I never thought I would see in my life. Classic. I realize this game was a complete shellacking, as the 14-2 score would indicate, but I hope some of this is a sign of things to come. I realize it's not realistic to expect our pitching to continue as it has so far, so the hitting is great to see. Daric Barton's performance is what I'm impressed with. The fact that he finally hit one out is what I needed to see - he's a good hitter, but needs to show some power. Anyway, don't mean to get too serious, cuz that's not what I'm all about.

One of my favorite parts of this game is the quotes that came after. Jon Garland, a BELOW average MLB pitcher puts up this line against the A's - 6IP, 10H, 7ER, 3BB, 5Ks, and this is what he has to say after the game:

"I was getting behind and they were hitting the ball. That's all I can say," Garland said. "I felt I had pretty good pitches. The ball was put in play and it rolled their way."

Yep, pretty much Johnny boy! You got it John-o! The A's won because they put the b and IT rolled their way. WTF! Are you fuckin serious? (He might have been distracted when he commented since Scioscia was grabbing his ass, but I could be wrong) The fact that Jon Garland even thinks he should win a game is amazing to me. I do salute Jon Garland and Chris Bootcheck though, since collectively they gave up 14 runs in 6 2/3 innings to the A's and propelled the A's into 1st place in Runs in the AL! Amazinall in play,g! A team that now has 15 HRs, and they lead the AL in runs! Thanks Fat Mike!

I know this is a long season, but this has been one of the most entertaining Aprils in a long time. The A's have been exciting and fun to watch. What I love is they were given no hope in Japan and after, and currently have the best record in the AL. Trust me, I know it's early and expectations are low for this season, but I love how all of the analysts (Gammons, etc, and Bill Simmons if he's considered one) blame the Japan trip for Boston's struggles, yet no one has a comment on the A's having the best record while also making the same trip? Fuck off bitches.

So while it's only April, and a 4 game series is a long series, my hope is for the A's to say Fuck off to the Angels and take them out in all 4 games. A 4 game sweep in Anaheim is what we need right now. I'd take 3 wins, but would love to see a sweep. The A's are hot, and we need to take advantage of this. Plus, these are the pitching match ups for the next 3 games:

4/29 - Smith vs Saunders
4/30 - Eveland vs Santana
5/1 - Duchscherer vs Moseley

Let's just hope Ervin Santana reverts back to 2007 form, and this could happen.

Better than Boston

That's right, Tampa Bay just swept Boston. File this under hilarious. 5-4, 2-1, 3-0. How 'bout that powerful Red Sox lineup? Phenomenal.

Game 1: Rays 5, Red Sox 4. Matt Garza pitched slightly better than Tim Wakefield - where slightly better is equivalent to "less worse", a term Wakefield has tattooed on his ass. Dr. Mustard "Timmy" walked 5, something he's really good at doing. Mike Timlin proved he's still an awesome relief pitcher. He got 2 outs before losing the game! Way to Mikey boy!

Game 2: Rays 2, Red Sox 1. I actually watched this game, and the announcers had conceded that Boston had won 1-0 before Iwamura hit that 2-run HR off Gay Buttholes. Can we please start calling him Gay Buttholes? Its so fitting in clever! Although I don't want to prove to people that I'm more original than Bill Simmons, so you don't have to adopt that nickname if you don't want to. Your loss. Seriously though, Edwin Jackson shut Boston's offense down, and there only run was scored on Ellsbury's "hit" - seriously, could this guy please get a real hit once in a while. I define "real hit" as out of the infield. I know he has 3 HRs (don't know how that happened) but I guarantee you all of his other hits have not left the infield. Its getting embarrassing. If I were him, I'd wear a Trot Nixon or Wes Welker mask when I hit, so that Boston fans could identify with me.

Seriously though, has anyone noticed that Gay Buttholes pitches great until the game is late and tight (a word Gay Buttholes loves by the way! Whooo-aaaa!) and then he'll give up a late HR or something to give up the lead, then he mopes around on the mound for a while, has a good cry, shrugs his shoulders and leaves the game. Its getting funnier every time!

Also, there was a great exchange with the Rays announcers. Of course they brought up "Moneyball" when Youkilis was hitting. They mentioned that Beane and DePodesta referred to Youkilis as the Greek God of Walks, due to his plate discipline. Then they mentioned that he generally complains if he takes a pitch and its called a strike. Then they suggested that he should be called "The Greek God of Whining". Classic. Fuckin Awesome. That's his nickname from here on out, spread the word.

One last note: I'm tired of Boston players getting a free pass because they play for Boston. Julio Lugo was completely out of line arguing a strike call, and he went on for a while and didn't even get thrown out. The rule is if you argue balls and strikes, you get thrown out. He clearly should have been thrown out of this game, which would have been funny since we could have seen some clown like Brandon Moss play SS. I've seen Manny argue 2 or 3 times this year w/out getting thrown out as well. Look, if the Red Sox players can't show some class, throw them the fuck out. Don't give them preferential treatment since they have to play games w/ tampons in. Wait. What?

Game 3: Rays 3, Red Sox 0. The best pitching matchup of the series - James Shields (he's Aaron Rowand's cousin - WTF!) vs Josh Beckett. This game was awesome. Beckett was unhittable for most of the game, but w/ Bartlett on 1st in the 3rd, he threw one away which would have allowed Bartlett to get to 3rd. But the funniest shit happened, JD Drew (apparently showing he can match Ellsbury and Damon's arms) threw a 78 hopper to the plate. Seriously, I could have kicked a baseball further in the air. What the fuck was that! But then in the 7th he hung a curveball and Longoria fucked it. Jesus style. He told Beckett to fuck off and to stop wearing that gay assed pookah necklass. Fag. James Shields fucking dominated Boston's beer league lineup. Its like when you have that buddy who comes up to you late night and asks "Hey dude, did you get shit off that chick?". Well, Boston's collective response was "Nah, shit, we didn't get shit off James Shields." Fags. Boston was trying to hook up w/ James Shields....damn. Anyway, he 2-hit Boston, and Big Poppy was out of the lineup again, continuing his AZT treatments. Magic Johnson wishes him well.

Enjoy the trip down Boston.

Joe Blanton just knows how to win

That's a joke for all the idiots who think there is such a thing. Yeah, he's 2-4, and he pitched great yesterday. He actually only should have given up 1 run, but Jack Cust (the worst fielding LF in baseball) turned a flyout to left center into a double. Way to go Jack!

Somehow though, after getting abused by Felix Hernandez for 7 innings, the A's put an impressive rally together in the 8th to put up a 4 spot. Or as Mike Blowers (one of the Seattle announcers) said (something to the effect of) - the A's beat the M's in the 8th by playing station-to-station baseball. Is there anything more cliche than this in baseball at this point? Sure, the A's literally did load the bases and move guys around 1 base at a time, but can't you come up w/ anything more original than this? You're paid to announce, try harder! I guess we can't blame Mike Blowers though, his career OBP was 0.329. Give the guy a fuckin break people!

I was amazed at how dominating Felix was through 7. With the A's down 2-0, it looked like a sure win for the M's. The A's gave me some confidence now that w/ the bases loaded and no outs, they can actually score some runs. Now if these guys could just start hitting some HRs, this is getting embarrassing that we have the power of the old Angels. Or as Joe Morgan called them 800 times last night on Sunday night baseball - The California Angels. Joe - they haven't been the California Angels for years numbnuts. He was acting like they just became the LA Monkeys of Anaheim this season. Its been years! What. The. Fuck!

Things are great down here in LA. A's are coming down for a 4 game series at Disneyland. Things are going to be fun at Pompous Ass Land (Fletch's house) as well as my local watering holes. Can't wait for 1st pitch at 7:05 tonight....

Later on a post about the Red Sox getting swept by the Rays! Hahahahaha. Hahahahaha. Seriously, the Red Sox got swept by the Rays and have lost 5 in a row. How embarrassing.

The Hurt is Back

I know I'm late to the party, but I thought it was pretty big news that the A's signed Frank Thomas. Yes, I know he already played yesterday, but I was busy drinking beers and pissing on Boston fans while watching the Angels beat Boston at Barney's Beanery. Fucking Hilarious! I love openly calling Boston fans a bunch of bitches while watching games at a sports bar and then seeing the Boston "fans" turn their head away and pretend they didn't hear me, even though they were sitting right next to me. I love April baseball....(Sidenote - our bartender at Barney's yesterday was smokin! Hot Asian chicks never get old son!)

The A's seemed to come alive, and put up an 11 spot on the Twins, a great sign. You gotta wonder what the hell is going on w/ Francisco Liriano. I realize Tommy John surgery is a big fucking deal, but he has not looked right at all this year. This dude dominated everyone in 2006! But the anemic A's lineup was able to get 6 runs off him in 2/3 of an inning. Sweet Jeebus.

So here's the deal, I know A's fans are definitely wondering what the hell is going on with this move. On a roster of 25, we have something like 30 DHs. Actually, I think we have 4 guys who should DH, but whatever. I liked the fact that Beane brought in Mike Sweeny this year, but Mike Sweeny just doesn't have the power that Big Frank does. Sweeny has actually looked pretty good in stretches so far in this early season, but he hasn't put up power in a few years. I'm a little worried that he's fragile (his knee has been giving him problems) and could wind up being like Piazza last year. The fact that our lineup has so many goddam lefties, its great to have Frank back in the lineup with some power from the right side. I know this is a rebuilding year and we're not supposed to do anything, but it is nice to see the A's stringing together some great wins early. I hate being such an optimist, but the season has been a lot of fun so far and the Angels and M's obviously aren't great this year.

Even though I hate the Angels, I do root for them against Boston, and yesterday's game was great. I've always thought Boston's bullpen was overrated, and while things are early, they are proving me right so far. They fucking imploded against the slap happy Angels. Okajima and Papelbon are good, I'll give them that. But Javier Lopez? Manny Delcarmen? David Aardsma? Gimme a fuckin' break bitch! Lopez and Delcarmen were awful yesterday, and their ERAs are high, but they're actually worse than the #s indicate. They've allowed A LOT of inherited runners to score. Like. A. Lot. If I was smart enough, I'd look up how many inherited runners they've allowed to score, but that would probably take time. F That. Delcarmen has no confidence and looks like a total pussy on the mound. I guess that's why he grew that scraggly beard, to look tough?

And don't even get me started on "can't miss prospect" Craig Hansen. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, that douche will be serving up lattes at The Coffee Bean in 5 years or less. Bitch. Good luck the rest of the year Theo, try not to choke on Peter Gammon's cock.

The A's Achilles heel

I was fortunate enough to watch today's early A's vs WhiteSox game on MLB Extra Innings, which gave me a little unexpected treat - Hawk (You can put it on the board! Yes!...&....stretch! stretch! and DJ---the least interesting and worst announcers in baseball. Yes, even worse than Jerry whatshername, of Red Sox announcing fame. The only team worse than Boston's announcers.

Ellis got picked off at 1st today, and I could have sworn the senile Hawk said "That's a bitch." Although with some research, apparently he said "Grab some bench". See kids, learn to properly enunciate, or else people will think you are calling them a bitch when you are simply using one of your stupid catchphrases, that are thrown out there for no reason other than differentiation. Seriously though, no matter what is happening in the game, its pretty funny to watch a ChiSox broadcast, because they'll try to convince you the ChiSox are the greatest team in baseball. They still contend that the 2007 White Sox (72-90) were a great hitting team and just went cold (for 162 fucking games!!!!!) like Detroit did for the first 12 games of 2008.

So anyway, while watching this game, I realized that one of my theories about the A's hitting may be true. The Oakland Athletics cannot beat shitty left handed pitchers! To date, the A's are 9-6, and 4 of their 6 losses have been to shitty left handed pitchers - Jon Lester, Cliff Lee (twice) and John Danks. Now Danks still has a chance, but the other 2 are shitty. Real. Shitty.

So I looked at career-splits, and here is what I found.

Cliff Lee

vs. OAK: 8 GS, 4-1 (W-L), 52 2/3 IP, 36H, 14ER, 22 BB, 40K, 2.39 ERA, 1.10 WHIP
vs. everyone else: 119 GS, 52-35 (W-L), 703 2/3IP, 735 H, 369 ER, 234 BB, 521K, 4.71 ERA, 1.38 WHIP

Jon Lester

vs. OAK: 4 GS, 1-1(W-L), 20 IP, 20 H, 9 ER, 14 BB, 19K, 4.05 ERA, 1.70 WHIP
vs. everyone else: 26GS, 11-3 (W-L), 144 2/3 IP, 150 H, 78 ER, 75 BB, 101 K, 4.85 ERA, 1.56 WHIP

John Danks

vs. OAK: 2 GS, 2-0 (W-L), 13 2/3 IP, 12 H, 1 ER, 4 BB, 5 K, 0.66 ERA, 1.17 WHIP
vs. everyone else: 27 GS, 5-14 (W-L), 142 IP, 162 H, 92 ER, 57 BB, 112 K, 5.83 ERA, 1.54 WHIP

Clearly the sample size is an issue, but after watching these 3 clowns beat the A's 4 times (and the only other losses coming against Matsuzaka), something is going on here. In limited time, Lee and Danks have dominate the weak A's hitting, and Lester got hit hard once, but had a good start as well. In all honesty, Lester just plain sucks, but all of these guys have gotten hit hard by EVERYONE but the A's.

Something to think about. You might see GM's loading up on shitty southpaws right before their team plays the A's. That's what I would do. Apparently the A's can beat decent, good and great pitchers, but can't beat the shitty ones (these 3 and Matsuzaka are all shitty, and have accounted for all 6 of the A's losses). Something to think about next time your having a conversation with Toto.

One last note: the 2008 NFL schedule was released today. Mark down December 14th - NE at Oakland. While it seems we will have to wait for Al Davis to die (if he ever does) before the Raiders will be good again, it will be interesting to see if any NE "fans" show up at Oakland for this game decked out in their Wes Welker jersey. I'd love to see one of these clowns buy a ticket on eBay, and wind up sitting in the blackhole. While A's fans have been tempered by questionable ownership, Raiders fans are still passionate and at times crazy. I'm putting the over/under on the death/injury count to NE fans at 15. And in all honesty, they kinda deserve it. Because, well....they're douches, that's why.

A's comeback and of course the Tigers can beat Boston

Alright, 1st things 1st - Fuck MLB Extra Innings. Alright, I said it. I didn't get home til late, "Tivo'd" the game, and of course MLB Extra Innings screwed up and nothing was showing on the channel the A's game was on. Since I didn't watch it, I'm not going to pretend to be an expert, but what a fucking comeback! For those keeping score, the A's are 5-4, Boston is 4-5, and Boston has 25 more gay players than the A's. Astounding!!!!! The A's have also scored 9 runs more than Boston. Wow. I wonder where Gay Papi's PEDs are at? Brutal.

So shit, Greg Smith gives up 3 in the 1st, and then the A's shut Toronto down after that. Ellis came up huge in the 9th, and its good to see Bobby Crosby coming up w/ a big double. Let's hope Bobby gets his confidence back (and stops flailing at the outside sliders). And wow, 2 saves for Street in 2 days. Please say this is what we can expect from here on out. Also, so far Oakland is 2-0 vs the hosers in Toronto, while Boston got swept (0-3) in the same place just before this - what a bunch of hosers! But the redneck Youkilis claims its because they've been dealing w/ so many different forms of currency - that's probably right. Just take your butt beard over to "Stud" in SF Kevbo. Fag.

And then there is Boston, the team that deserves nothing, but gets accolades for being the biggest bunch of douches. Douches with a capital "D". I challenge you to come up with a Boston player, fan, coach or resident who is not a douchebag. Feel free to enter them in the comments section, cuz they don't exist. They're like unicorns, cowboys, straight softball players, Jesus, God, people who actually grew up in Boston, and gremlins. Don't. Exist.


Wow, the 0-7 Tigers have been awful this season, but all they needed to do was play Boston to get a win. And that they did. Easily. And they could only get 2 runs off of one of the worst pitchers in baseball (who coincidentally, had 1 flukey year, and the general public was saying the Tigers fleeced Billy Beane - boy were they wrong). Of course, the worst left handed pitcher in MLB lived up to the rep I have given him - he sucked, as usual. Why is that Peter Gammons fellates this guy before every game again? Is it his 200 IQ that allows him to come up w/ witty quotes such as this brilliant one he dropped on us today?

"They're good hitters. I had a lot of pitches tonight that I thought were good pitches and they fouled them off," he said. "At times they were very aggressive and at times they were very patient."

I guess we may never know. I guess unless we get footage of Gammons giving him head in the back of his civic hatchback on TMZ tomorrow, but who knows. Seriously though, Boston just lost to a team that was 0-7. And this team threw a horrible pitcher against them, and the game was at Fenway! And speaking of which, is there anyone in the world with less personality than Bill Buckner? I don't think so. He was on yesterday in the telecast, spoke in a whisper, and was extremely boring. Of course, its probably because the Boston media has been stalking him for 20 years, so its not really his fault, I just blame the doucheyness of Boston.

Suck a dick Boston. Get used to losing, Timmy "More Mustard" Wakefield is going tomorrow. Tim Wakefield is a bitch.

At least we do some things well

Considering the A's have shown they don't have much of a lineup, I guess things could be worse. The A's are 3-4, which is OK considering expectations are at an all time low this season. Coincidentally, the "favorites" are also 3-4, after getting their asses handed to them in Toronto. Who is this guy named Beckett? Never heard of her. Manny Delcarmen? I told you last year was a fluke, this guy is shakier than Huston Street. Boston has also shown that they are the rednecks we all thing they are, w/ beardo the homo (Youkwhatever) showing his true redneck side saying something like 'we're tired of dealing w/ all these currencies'. I don't have the exact quote, since I'm too lazy, but he came of as a total hillbilly, which is what most of his fanbase is anyway. I love how they're 3-4 because of all of the traveling they've done (easy excuse). People realize the A's actually flew to Japan also, right? They didn't actually teleport, but maybe that's what the media thinks happened.

None of this really matters, its early in the season, Time Warner sucks since they fucked up my MLB Extra Innings order and now the stations aren't coming in....people who work for the cable company have really high IQs by the way. But I digress....now for today's fun w/ Youtube. A short clip from one of the A's vs Red Sox games in Oakland.

Our fanbase proves we're good at something! Also, in the 2nd half of the clip, check out the Red Sox douche they caught on film. Check out how he cheers and claps, and tell me if you think he hangs out at the Blue Oyster Bar....

A's lose to Senor Steroid and the gang

A's are off to a rough start back in the US. For all the idiot Sox fans talking shit, first go get your GED, then figure out how to add. Thank you. A's are off to a rough 1-3 start, yet expectations are low since this is a rebuilding year, and they looked far superior to the RoidSox in Tokyo - I know cuz I was there! Unlike most Sox "fans" who have never left New England. Douches.

Well, it looks like Senor Steroid has found his supplier again. The only person who has done more steroids than Barry Bonds finally got his 1st hit (and HR) of the season, and idiot Chowderheads rejoice (and continue to deny that their "slugger" has done more roids than Canseco and Caminiti combined).

In case anyone was wondering, Jon Lester is still a joke, and Harden is far superior. Too bad our bullpen sucks, and its all of the Boston rejects that the white Boston fanbase fell in love with who blew the game for us. Fuck Alan Embree, Fuck Lenny Retardo, they all fuckin suck. They're douchebags, and I can't wait until they're on a team they belong on, such as Boston.

Any Red Sox "fan" who thinks they're team is going to repeat is kidding themselves. And I have an open invitation to any pitcher in the MLB. I offer you $100 and a chance to drink some Knob Creek whiskey with me if you bean Manny Ramirez (preferably in the head). This is an open offer, and will be fulfilled. Manny Ramirez needs to be suspended for his doucheyness. Seriously, how many times do you have to admire a non-HR? You have no class you fucking douchebag, and that's why you'll never be shit from here on out. You're on the decline son, keep suckin Senor Steroid off.

Any pitcher who beans (and preferably injures) Gay Ramirez will be paid or offered booze. This is no joke, and I will be watching.

A's bend Lester over Backwards with Fighting Spirit

Here is my attempt to recap the week-plus in Japan, primarily looking at the 2 games. Any of you who know me know that I am not a journalist. If you want a recap written by a 'pro', Game 1 is here, or here, and Game 2 is here, or here. That being said, I also claimed that I would take a bunch of good pictures, and I seemed to have mildly failed at that too (since I've been to the Tokyo Dome a bunch of time, I was watching the game and drinking beers more often than snapping photos, so I f'd up on this one).

So as you know, the week was built up w/ a couple of exhibition games against the 2 most popular Japanese teams (Hanshin Tigers and Yomiuri Giants). One word describes these games. Meaningless. Basically meaningless. Drivers of the MLB money making machine. So who cares, MLB 4 - Japanese Teams 0. See ya next year. At any rate, once I got back to Tokyo from my mini road trip (ie. flight) to Hokkaido, I was out on the town often and noticed a strong presence of Boston fans and of course the bad smell that comes w/ that. Apparently Boston marketed some VIP tour pack for like $5,000 per person and they sold em out. I could have made that tour for probably $2,500, so someone is getting rich off that. This just shows that the A's have a long way to go as far as marketing goes, since this was not even an option for A's fans, and if it were, it certainly would not have received the same amount of interest. I still do not understand why there are so many (obnoxious/illiterate/smelly/unintelligent/mulleted) Red Sox fans, and I actually don't think I want to even try to. It is kind of sad that when these American mutants travel to one of the most interesting and exciting countries on this planet, they still feel the need to go EVERYWHERE w/ their boston hats, bright red jackets, etc on. Alright, we get it, you're not a 'bandwagon' fan. Stop wearing your shit everywhere! Please! Thank you!

Game 1 (some highlights/stories, etc):

Got to the game a bit early, and there were a lot of gaijin for a game in Tokyo. As I might have mentioned before, they were mostly Boston fans, and mostly downright obnoxious. There were some commemorative souvenir tents set up outside, and the goods went fast. So fast, that I decided to just wait til game 2 to pick up a couple of things, a decision that I learned was not my brightest, as I am coming home w/out a single items from the games at the Tokyo Dome. Sad. Pathetic even. I did have a bunch of beers, but those are just consumables. Anyway, we had a couple of tall boys outside while waiting for friends, and I did see groups of A's fans - there were occasional　'air high fives'. I also feel bad because I saw someone from the A's media/something who was w/ a group of A's fans and signed a couple of things, but I honestly didn't know who he was, and didn't have a chance to go talk with him. I suck. I did see a bunch of Boston fans near the souvenirs, drinking a lot, wearing wifebeaters and red clown wigs - is that not the most fitting getup you've ever heard of? Anyone, the witty one saw my A's jersey and hat and yelled out 'Hey, A's is for Assholes'. My reply should have been GED?

We went in, filled a couple more of our beers in paper cups and were off to our seats. Our seats really sucked for this game. They were the cheapest ones, but were still $45 each. I hope Bud Selig is enjoying my money as he sits by the pool eating peanut butter out of the jar with his finger. Douchebag. My pictures really suck from here, since we were in the upper deck and digital cameras aren't known for their zoom capabilities. Before the game started, I could tell things were going to be ridiculous since Matsuzaka was pitching. Every single person who did not have green on was rooting for Daisuke. I say this, since even if they didn't have A's or Boston gear on, they were obviously rooting for Boston, and they probably would kick you if you fell down. I decided to do my best to make a mockery of Matsuzaka at any chance I got. I even ran into an A's fan in the row of urinals, and he said he felt bad rooting against the guy in his home country, to which I replied 'I sure as hell don't. Feel good about it, he deserves to lose.' Needless to say, I was pumped when Ellis HR'd, and we had Matsuzaka on the hook for the 1st 3 innings, but didn't get much out of it. At least he got pulled after 5, which was shameful.

You all know what happened, the A's could have had this game. I remember seeing who was coming up in the 9th, and thought to myself we snuck away w/ a win in Game 1! I saw that Moss was due up and he is basically the weakest player on Boston's entire lineup. Of course my brain must have put the jinx on, as that pussy hit it out somehow. No idea how that happened. I still don't actually believe it happened, since I'm pretty sure Moss is not capable of hitting one out. Its funny that Okajima got as much play from the Japanese fans as Matsuzka, when he wasn't even popular when he played here in Japan. Which just goes to show, the Japanese fans will cheer for you as long as you are from here, and that's really the only requirement. Most of the people didn't know what the hell was going on, who anyone was, but they sure loved Boston anyway! Its too bad we blew it, and I didn't bother going out drinking after the game, so I don't have any stories to report w/ runins w/ players, etc, unfortunately.

Game 2 - Must win?!

The seats were better for this one, but we had 2 extra tix, and thanks to Bud Selig employing police for every 10 square feet, we were not able to resell them, as illegal ticket selling was not allowed. Normally this is common practice here, and I'm sure any of you who take BART to the coliseum have probably seen 1 or 2 guys selling tix before. Maybe even 3! So Bud Selig owes me $140 - feel free to send me a check Buddy boy! You're welcome.

A lot of the same beforehand. Pregame tall boys, ridiculously obnoxious Boston fans, etc. I actually saw 2 clowns run up to the stadium yelling out Boston cheers, and they were completely wasted. It was 5pm. But I guess it was 4 am Boston time, so they should have been wasted. The best part was they had their faces painted completely red, and they had mullets! Fucking mullets! I didn't even know that was legal anymore, don't you at least get ticketed for that in 2008? I was bummed they weren't wearing Oakleys.

In this game Harden looked awesome, Lester looked exactly how I expected, awful. The guys has worse control than Barry Zito ever did, and that's ridiculous. I'm glad the guy beat cancer, but that does not give Peter Gammons the right to proclaim that he's going to be a stud. Unless Gammons is talking about, well, you know, that kind of stuff. Eww. Anyway, something did surprise me. I saw Harden hit 153 or 154 on the gun! Shit, he was throwing 153! I know, its in km/hr, but that's still 96-97 mph. My only bit of skepticism is that I saw Lester hit 150, and I really don't think Lester can throw almost as hard as Harden. I could be wrong...I loved that Lester later said he lost because he made 1 bad pitch to Brown, but the dude only last 4 innings, and never looked very good. Harden on the other hand, had Japanese fans gasping.

I did overhear this awesome exchange by 2 Japanese fans behind me. (Most of the Japanese businessmen who were there clearly didn't care about the teams and just talked about baseball for almost the whole game). The guys were talking about how the American pitchers have a much different windup/style that Japanese pitchers. They clearly understood how tell by a Japanese guys delivery if he was a good pitcher or not. They could not, however, tell if an American pitcher was (since there is no good twirling windup / staring at the ground / somersaults. Anyway, one guy was saying something to the effect of, 'Do you think this guy (Lester) is any good? I can't really tell.' 2 batters later, Emil Brown hits a 3 run HR (and I'm pretty sure I saw visible tears from Lester on the mound, since he's really tough). After I stop high fiving Japanese dudes and the mild cheering stops, the 2nd guy says to the other 'Well, I don't think this Lester is very good.' Exactly.

The 2nd game was obviously more fun than the 1st, but the 1st was an extremely exciting game, especially w/ the lead changes, Hannahan's 2 run HR, etc. I love the quotes from the 2nd game by Emil Brown (in the Caple article) - "They told me and I was like, what are you talking about?" said Brown, who hit a three-run homer in the 5-1 victory. "They said, 'You get a printer and a check for $10,000.' And I'm like, 'OK. Where's the check?'" That's my boy.

Overall, I'd say the trip was somewhat of a success. The A's got no respect coming in, everyone said they're a joke of an organization and they didn't care about them, but at least they saw they could perform well, and Harden put up a ridiculous performance that some took notice of. The thing that sucks is how this series was handled, Red Sox getting the home dugout, clubhouse, etc. Additionally, the Dome blasting Red Sox players' songs to bat as well, and treating both teams as somewhat home teams - ie. Charge no matter who was up, etc. it was ridiculous, un-American, etc. Additionally, there is no excuse for playing Sweet Caroline and whatever that other Boston song is in both games. Go ahead and play that gay shit in Boston, but this was an A's home game. That infuriated me, and I still need to find out how to properly complain to Selig's office. If anyone knows, please let me know, as things were not handled appropriately.

The A's did get a little props and awareness, which is good. Most of my pictures suck, which is bad. I hope you guys realized you should set the bar low for me. I don't really have too much else at this moment, I'll add later if I can think. this is my last night in Tokyo, I'm back to LA tomorrow.

Feel free to comment with any questions, etc and I'll do my best to add. I'm not a writer, I'm more of a drinker, high fiver, basher, Leron Lee'er. Tonight in Tokyo - Japanese Regae. If that doesn't sound interesting, I don't know what does.

Go A's!

Next Stop: Tokyo

Well, I'm off for Japan today. While I'm there, I'm taking in both games of the A's vs Red Sox opening series at the Tokyo Dome. Turns out, Daisuke's wife popped their baby out real quick like, and he's going to pitch the opener, so that the Japanese fans aren't forced to watch the extremely boring Boston pitchers. Although the most rated pitcher in the history of 2008 is going to pitch game 2, so take that for what it is. If things hold up, Blanton and Harden (please!) will be going for the A's, meaning the A's have better SPs in both games. Only problem is the A's lineup, although the Tokyo Dome will surely help them out, as I'm pretty sure I could take one deep there.

Not to worry, I'll have the beer girls keepin em flowing. It should be interesting, as I'm sure I will have many run ins with Boston fans who came to Japan just for this series, and have the same amount of class as every Boston fan does (negative). Here's to me, superfan, for making a mockery of all that is Boston while I'm in Japan. Its going to be an awesome 2 weeks, and I'm sure I'll have the pics and stories to prove it. More to come....

Btw. I can't wait to see how overrated Jacoby is in person. I mean, seriously, this guy is their future? Really? No, seriously, stop joking around Peetie Gamm, you're kidding right? Really? OK, I'm sure he'll fit in over there, since he's fast, can't really hit, and will most likely bunt w/ a guy on 2nd and no outs. God Bless you Jacoby, you are destined to play slow pitch softball! YOu and Pedroia will tear it up on the beer circuit in 2010!

Josh Beckett is afraid of Fletch

It's official, Josh Beckett is afraid of me. Word is out that I'm making the trip to Japan, and Josh Beckett has decided his little back hurts too much to fly on a plane to Japan. Why does everyone make such a big deal of this flight anyway? I fly over there every year, and I'm doing alright. Of course I didn't throw my back out in Spring Training while ramming Big Sloppy, like Josh did. Priorities son, priorities.

Anyway, I find this humorous. Hopefully this is a sign of things to come this season. Looks like after 2 healthy years (1 a disaster, 1 stellar), Josh Beckett is back to being the guy who got blisters opening up a beer can. This is great to see, between Beckett's back and Schilling's 6 months of AZT treatments, their rotation doesn't look so great after all. Now they know what we've gone through w/ Harden the last few years.

Looks like one less pussy for me to heckle in Japan. There is one thing Boston is really good at - complaining about a flight to Japan. Keep up the good work boys.

Congratulations Josh - looks like you're the Josh of old again! Yee-haw!

Watch out Tokyo, here we come...

We're up over at EIO, the best A's site on the entire interweb. Feel free to go check it out (this same post it there), but there is a great forum to post comments, etc. Zach has been nice enough to let me start posting about the upcoming games in Japan, which I will be at. This same post, w/ commenting, can be found here----

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I found out in November that the A's would start the season in Japan versus the Boston Red Sox, but I do remember my initial reaction. "A's vs The Chowderheads to start the season in Tokyo?!! Hell yes, its in March - when is my Spring Break?" I immediately found out that it was timed perfectly, as the games were taking place over Spring Break, and my wife and I were planning on visiting Japan at that time anyway! That's right bitches, Tokyo road trip.

A quick aside - it might not be that interesting, but you're probably wondering why the hell I was planning on visiting Japan anyway. Long story short, I went to Japan 10 years ago on an exchange program, where I met my wife. While we live in LA now, my in-laws still live in Tokyo, and all of my wife's friends from childhood through college still live in Tokyo and we try to visit them at least once a year. Plus, for anyone who has never been to Japan, its an awesome experience and it is the best culture I've ever known and the people are awesome.

So anyway, I was in a unique position, since we have friends and family there. There was an online "lottery" for tickets in January. So we put in a request for 4 tickets for Game 1 and 6 tickets for Game 2, and we found out last week that we were selected for both games (I'm not sure if anyone was denied, but I don't care since I got mine). We were lucky, since I believe you had to either have someone in Japan to go pick up the tix and/or have a Japanese credit card, and I had both of those. The games are actually quite a bit more expensive than normal games, they used the same pricing as the WBC, which I went to while I was living there. It will be worth it though, for the Japanese beer girls alone.

As many people can probably imagine, baseball has always been huge in Japan, but now there is a lot more interest in MLB with the influx of Japanese players in to the US. Obviously the most popular teams being NYY, Seattle and Boston. Its funny, once in a while I see old school A's starter jackets from the Bash Brothers days, when the A's ran shit in MLB, and were the hated big boys. Things have certainly changed. So obviously, w/ Matsuzaka and Okajima on Boston, I'm imagining that 95% of the fans that actually have MLB gear on will be wearing Boston gear, or as I like to call it - granny panties. For those who don't know, Japan is interesting in that they actually split the stadium in half, w/ 1 team's fans sitting on the 3rd base side, the other on the 1st base side. We'll be on the 3rd base side - Ole Chavy!

I'll try to get some more stories and info down, but I assure you I'll get some good pics and stories from the week + in Japan.

Kraft is German for Douchebag

In case you are of the minority, and don't think the Boston is a bunch of douchebags, I submit Exhibit A...

Perfect Season

Yes, that's right, they submitted a trademark application for "Perfect Season". How'd that turn out douchebags? Looks like you got punk'd by Eli Manning.

One of my buddies found this and sent it on to me.

I also read somewhere on Deadspin that they submitted applications for a bunch of similar trademarks...I don't recall exactly, but the list looked something like:

1. The Perfect Season
2. Perfect Season
3. 19-0
4. 18-1*
5. We Cheat
6. Tom Brady sucked me off for a dollar
7. Randy Moss beats women

Once again, eat a dick Boston. I can't wait for the games in Japan next month, I wonder if Curt Schilling and Josh Beckett are researching where the gay bars are at in Tokyo. Probably.