Baseball is back - 2011!

How many days til Dustin Pedroia's first 14 year old this year?!?!?!  We're back!

I love that so many people are picking Boston to win this year, can't wait for them to disappoint.  I wonder if Jon Lester will be crying tonight....It's going to take a lot of soccer scores for the A's this year if they're going to win the West.

I'm glad baseball is finally back!

Congrats Boston Celtics

Congrats Boston! You were up 3-2, got blown out in Game 6 and then completely choked in Game 7. Finally things are back to normal for Boston. As bad as Kobe was in Game 7, you still couldn't do it with your overrated shooter (who had 1 great game and 6 awful ones) and the most overrated PG in the NBA (Raon Rondo).

After the fluke Game 2, Ray Allen was 4 for 28 from 3 in Game 3 - 7 (that's pretty good). I like Ray Allen because he needs 8 screens to get a shot off. Also, his mom is probably linked to Delonte West.

The best PG in the NBA was 5 for 19 from the FT line in the Finals. That's great.

Chubby Baby and Nate Robinson were overconfident after the Game 4 fluke and pretty much did nothing after that game. I was a little surprised Perkins didn't get rolled out of the locker room in a wheelchair during Game 6. I thought for sure he'd be back in the game 2 minutes later. And finally, the King of Flop set a new record for Flops in a 7 game Finals.

We probably won't see this team in the Finals for many years, so hopefully Marky Mark enjoyed 2010.

Boston leads the league in pedophilia

Alright, I've been called out by my "fans" in Connecticut. Here's the thing---I'm lazy, and I've been busy. Fuck, don't you know how much time it takes to keep your eye on Fat Sam?

Anyway, people are right. I need to stop fucking around. A lot of shit has gone down in the last 6 months, and I've been like Dante Stallworth at the wheel. Only difference is, I still have my drivers license. So just for kicks, check out Jason Giambi's career stats. Then check out David Roidtiz's stats. Pretty interesting stuff. One thing of note: At the age of 42, David Ortiz is now at 300 career HRs (and the world's smallest testicles), while at the age of 38, Jason Giambi now has 407 career HRs. Giambi looks like he's done and is having a horrible year, but is there any doubt that 20 years from now people will look back and say wow, Jason Giambi could hit while David Ortiz "I'm sorry, who?". Exactly. As Brandon Walsh would say, nice size 12 hat Chief. Juice much?

Keep in mind I know Giambi's history, but fucking c'mon people. Ortiz is a comic book character, but the one who sucks. At any rate, big news this season...somehow the Red Sox are doing well, even though Dustin PEDroia sucks, yet the dumb fans voted him in to the All-star game even though Ian Kinsler is 800% better than him. Also, Ian Kinsler does not molest 14 year guys. Definitely a positive. Also, in case you were wondering, PEDroia has a 103 OPS+, and I'm confident that I could put up a 105 OPS+ this season. I'm just saying. Also, I'm taller than 5'3". Btw. Kinsler has 20 HRs, while Pederass has 4 HRs. Also, Pederass' range is so bad his brother is in jail.

I'm also glad to see that Peter Gammons is not senile and old and useless. Last year, he said Bartolo Colon was throwing 98 MPH and the best of his life. This year, John Smoltz is set to set records and be the first pitcher to win 2 Cy youngs in the same season! Because he bent your mom over and fucked her twice! Fucking right! Well, Peter Gammons is totally impartial, and John Smoltz's old ass has been dominant this year. Don't believe me? Check. Is there anyone less relevant or less knowledgeable about baseball than Gammons? Yes, his name is Terry Francona. Tito!

So have fun Boston. Make sure you wipe the cum off Gammons' face when he's done.

Suck a dick schilling

Thank god. Good riddance. The fat steroid abuser has finally retired. Seriously, look at his career progression then call me and tell me he didn't abuse. A friend of mine told me a great idea for a drinking game. Hopefully the world never comes to this. But in a worst case scenario, if Curt Schilling becomes an announcer, the drinking game would entail drinking every time Curt Schilling mentions meeting Charlton Heston at an NRA meeting. Fag.

So from all of us here at BHA, suck a dick Schilling.

You should go down as the least liked player in history. I honestly can't think of anyone lower on the scale than you, and Pete Rose ate babies. Ty Cobb ate dogs. Orel Hershiser was Mormon.

So here's to you Mr. Overrated postseason pitcher.....overrated postseason pitcher......you do not belong in Cooperstown. Nor does your fake AIDS bloody sock.

Seriously though, you all know he abused steroids, right?

The Boston Pederass

In case you've missed it, Dustin PEDroia comes from a long line of pederasses. This is fucking classic. I'm surprised more hasn't been made of this. Why the fuck is ESPN talking about Boston resigning the worst hitting catcher and most overrated player of all time when they could be talking about this?!!! Feel free to read more about just how overrated HERE. Fuck!

Here's the goods...
The older brother of AL MVP Dustin Pedroia is facing child molestation charges.

Woodland police say 30-year-old Brett Pedroia was booked at the Yolo County jail Jan. 9 on two counts of oral copulation and lewd acts with a child under age 14.

I mean, sweet jesus. FIrst off, Dustin PEDroia is too bald to be this 14 year old, but maybe that's where the PEDroia's get these gay pederass urges, they're probably all the size of 14 year olds. In case you were wondering, I was taller than PEDroia is now when I was 12 years old. He's a fucking bald dwarf. This is so goddam fucked up.

Be on the lookout for BHA t's mocking PEDroia at some point. My hope is that every away stadium will put up "Pederass" on the big screen every time PEDroia comes up to hit. I don't ask for much, can't someone make this fucking happen? Please?!

Hey PEDroia.....you're a faaaaaaaaaaaagggggggg! Suck it. Wait no, don't, you'll probably take that literally. Don't do that.

Btw. almost time for the 2009 season, I can't fucking wait!!!!

Eat a dick Boston sports

Finally, Boston sports is getting what they deserve. Eating a fat dick. Here are some great happenings over the last couple of weeks.

First, on back to back days the "greatest team in the NBA" got basically manhandled by the Lakers (no surprise) and my fucking Warriors! Stephen Jackson lit the Celtics the fuck up.

12/25: Lakers 92, Celtics 83
12/26: Warriors 99, Celtics 89

Can we finally admit Paul Pierce is kind of a joke and is nothing? Didn't he lose enough on his own to prove he's not a big time player? And seriously, after watching both of these games I saw that Pierce and KG flop more this year than they did last year, which is really hard to believe. I thought they had reached their floppeak. Essentially, Paul Pierce is a bitch and KG is a punk. That dude laid at least 2 cheap shots running down the court. Ridiculous.

We also had the great news that NYY signed Teixeira and Boston missed out. Although they did sign Brad Penny's broke assed arm and a light hitting catcher. I can't wait to see the Yankees manhandle Boston all year long in 2009. Especially when Douchelis and PEDroia don't live up to their inflated career years from 2008. I've got the over/under on Mike Lowell at 65 games in 2008, I wonder how many games his broke ass will actually play in. Big PEDi off the juice is not even as "feared" as Jim Rice. Speaking of which, I can't believe Rice is probably going to get into the HOF this year. Do yourself a favor and look at the careers of Jim Rice and then Big Dave Parker, and try to make the case for Rice over Parker. I've spent some time on this, and I can't. Especially considering Parker actually played defense and was not the 70s-80s version of Manny in the field. Not to mention big assed Dave Parker had 100 career SBS more than Jim Rice! Fuck me. It sure is a good thing Rice keeps getting more votes than McGwire. Clearly that makes perfect sense.


Finally, the team that only wins in the playoffs when they cheat is not in the playoffs. Since they were finally not allowed to cheat in 2008. I think this year taught us something as well. Tom Brady is actually not that big of a deal, he's just a less mobile version of Matt Cassell. They're both guys who weren't even good enough to start in college. It's all about Bellicheat's system and uncanny ability to know what plays the defense has called. I feel bad for the team that gives Matt Cassell a bunch of money in the offseason.

You got what you deserved NE. The best part is after Moss' record breaking season, I predicted it was a fluke and this year he would repeat what he did in Oakland. And I was dead fucking on. Enjoy that bitch Randy Moss NE. Good thing you signed him up!

The 2008 AL MVD

The AL's Most Vile Douchebag - Ms. Dustin PEDroia (I've included a photo of one of the many better choices for MVP). This is really late, mainly because I've been busy and in disbelief. Sure, this year there was no clear cut MVP in the AL. They would have been better off not giving out the award this year than giving it to the most overrated player in baseball, a guy who people only know for 3 reasons - 1. he's shorter than I was 6th grade, 2. He plays for Boston, 3. He's bald at the age of 25 (wink wink).

Rob Neyer had a good writeup here on the choice for MVP here, in case you missed it. This is a great point he makes:

Aside from his height, there's nothing unique about Dustin Pedroia. Unusual: yes. Unique: no. Chase Utley plays the game right, and is a better hitter and a better fielder than Pedroia. Utley stole 14 bases this season, and was caught twice. Pedroia stole 20 bases, and was caught once. I'm sorry, but one steal per month just doesn't contribute much to uniqueness.

I know Utley plays in the NL, but its funny that he finished tied for 14th in the NL MVP vote, while mini-PED finished 1st in the AL MVP vote.

In case you were wondering, Utley put up .292/.380/.535 135 OPS+ (w/ 113 R, 33 HRs, 104 RBIs, 14 SBs, if you like those #s).

PEDroia put up .326/.376/.493 122 OPS+ (w/ 118 R, 17 HRs, 83 RBIs, 20 SBs, if those are your kind of #s)

So Utley clearly is a better hitter than PEDroia. I still don't understand how a guy can win w/ a 122 OPS+. Even Ichiro had a 126 OPS+ in 2001 and his fielding ability was 8 billion times better than PEDroia's (Giambi clearly was the MVP in 2001, but that's a whole different story). But another critical point here is that Utley is a far superior fielding than PEDroia. Like not even close. Dude, PEDroia is a decent fielder, I'll give him that. But in almost every game I watched, he made at least one Ellsbury-esque throw (ie. 8 hop to the plate type). The dude has a female arm attached to a little boy's body. It's pathetic. I guarantee you I could out throw him and I haven't thrown a ball in a long time.

Clearly the AL didn't have an extremely outstanding candidate this year, or this tragedy never would have happened. PEDroia winning the MVP is a disgrace to baseball and shows how terrible the writers truly are. If they think this little guy was the MVP this year, then maybe they should be in a different line of work. Like making boxes. Or serving lattes. Or eating donuts. I don't know, some shit like that. I guess now PEDroia will retire w/ 1 (and only 1) MVP award in his career. So even though they didn't win, Mauer and Morneau were clearly better MVP candiates than PEDroia. You could say the same for Grady Sizemore, and a few other players on teams not very close to the playoffs.

Oh well, now that they've lost Manny and have Bay and his bewildered looking ass in LF all season, PEDroia won't be seen as extremely important since he won't be scoring all those runs. Oh yeah, and post-roid abuse David Ortiz is clearly not very intimidating. I can't wait to see his encore to 2008. Maybe he'll hit 15 HRs this year and strike out more than Jack Cust. Mike Lowell threw his back out fucking Jason Varitek (also not so good off the juice), so he's just a shadow at this point. And I hope Theo resigns the lady Capitan, please do this!

Not such an intimidating bunch anymore, are they?

Potential AL MVP

So thank god the writers got the NL MVP correct, and voted for Albert Pujols. Dude is a fucking beast. How the hell did Ryan Howard finish 2nd? WTF! Look at Pujols' career stats and think about how ridiculous this guy has been. He's 28 (almost 29) and he's now got 2 MVP awards (2005, 2008) and he's got 7 top 5 finishes in 8 years (2 1st, 3 2nd, 1 3rd, 1 4th). But Jim Rice is the most feared hitter in baseball....wait, what? Wait sorry, Jim Rice was a decent hitter (128+ OPS) while Pujols is silly (170 career OPS+). Anyway, any chance I get to mock the dumb Boston hype machine I'll take. Look at the final NL MVP tally though. Ridiculous. It's like an awful Matsuzaka finishing w/ 10 pts in the AL Cy Young. Just plain dumb.

So anyway, In about 12 hours the AL MVP will be announced via telegram from NY. When you have a sec, take a look at the history of MVP (and CY Young) winners in baseball. They're all here! The "hype" from the Boston bullshit hype machine is that Dustin Pedroia will win the AL MVP ...which is really sad. And if he does, he'll be the worst MVP since 1988 (Kirk Gibson - .290/.377/.483). A 122 OPS+ with a decent glove does not an MVP make. Sure, I guess it helps if the guy is 4'8", 102 LBs, 25 years old and completely bald. And possibly the owner of 1 testicle.

Just for kicks, think about this - Pedroia was not the best fielding 2B in the AL (Mark Ellis was and its not even close since 2006). He also was not the best hitting 2B in the AL (Ian Kinsler and Brian Roberts). He's also not the best hitter on his own team (Kevin Douchelis). So why is Dustin PEDroia going to win the MVP again? Because he's a small white ugly bald guy? Because he's gritty? Because he's a 25 year old virgin?

Seriously, someone please explain this to me! It's pissing me off that someone so meaningless can win an MV fucking P award because he's an "underdog" and he "swings really hard". These are dumb reasons. And this is everything that's wrong w/ baseball. If he's so valuable, how come Boston got owned by TB? Anyone? I'm so tired of the Boston hype machine ruining the game and giving votes and awards to people who don't deserve them. Does anyone actually still believe Michael Bowden is going to amount to shit after seeing the paths of Gay Buttholes and Craig Hansen - the future Hall of Fame closer? I sure as fuck don't.


OK, so I'm going to play a quick game - people who deserve the AL MVP award more than PEDroia. Lightnight round style, not necessarily in order, but all more deserving (please look at their stats [grittiness stat purposely removed] to see that I know what the fuck I'm talking about)...

1. A-ROD
2. Uncle Milty
3. Carlos Quentin
4. Nick Markakis
5. Longoria
6. Joe Mauer
7. Dye
8. Grady Sizemore
9. Justin Morneau
10. Jack Cust
11. Your Mom

I have to stop there because I got bored (as I imagine you are by now). People realize PEDroia was 7th in the AL in outs, right? Oh no, they don't. They don't realize its bad to be in the top-10 in outs (Sizemore is the only one I included in my top 11 who was top 10 in outs, but he's way more handsome and cooler than the bald midget).

Congratulations Dustin PEDroia, you almost made 500 outs in 2008 (474), enjoy that MVP award you don't deserve. Keep making outs, the voters love em! Bitch!

Btw. there are probably 20 guys more worthy of the AL MVP, but who's counting? I can't wait to see Boston finish in 3rd in 2009...and hopefully Gammons will have a stroke. Let's start this shit.

Brewers fans will soon feel the rath of Macha

From Webster's dictionary:
Noun. Short white haired dude who loves yogurt so much he licks the mother fucking lid.

Webster's hit the fucking nail on the head! I should know. In January 2006, before spring training, I took a flight from Philly to SF with Macha. I was wearing my A's hat, and Macha came up to me, smiled and gave me the double thumbs up. Then he proceeded to eat 2 yogurts. Fucker loves yogurt.

Good luck w/ Macha Brewers fans. I honestly feel for you. You're a fanbase that's had it as bad as we have. Actually, you've had it worse. Dude, Macha is not the answer.

I set up feedburner for this site, whatever the fuck that is. I have no idea what it is, but some little Asian dude said I'm an idiot since I hadn't set it up. And little asian dudes took down Godzilla and Bob Horner, so who the fuck am I to question this. Try the link here or below.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/BringGloryBackToOakland

Is anyone else appalled that Bob Horner retired at 30 after playing 1 year in Japan at 29? I mean, what. the. fuck. Seriously. If you haven't read it yet, you've got to read 'You gotta have Wa'...great book.

Btw. am I the only one who realizes that David Oritz and Jason Varitek aren't that good without the use of PEDs? Just curious. Suck it Boston. Btw. hard to believe the ChiSox didn't pick up Ken Griffey Jr's $16.5M option.

Btw. did I mention that Ken Macha is a douchebag? Oh yeah, just curious, how did Boston do this year? Oh yeah, they lost. Suck it fags.

John Lester is the best pitcher in baseball...

...who still wets his pants. But he's got big people huggies and he's working through things, so its all good. Plus, you know, Harold Reynolds said he was the best pitcher in baseball before the ALCS started, so he's got that going for him.

Holy fucking Matt Garza. This is the type of dude I wish the A's had staring. What a fucking bad ass. He completely owned Boston. He made one mistake to Dustin "Eckstein" PEDroia , but other than that he owned the bitches. Btw, Karl Ravech just said Dustin PEDroia is the AL MVP candidate. If that happens, they should just stop giving out AL MVPs. They will have no value. Wait, that's not entirely accurate, they will be worth 1/100th of a penny, just like a coupon for one of Dave Thomas' square burgers. Hogpound Tony! Btw. PEDroia has a career postseason OPS of 0.797. Fuckin clutch bitches!

This game 7 was ridiculously awesome! It had all the great elements. TB scored their first run as we witnessed PEDroia's Shirty Temple armTM. PEDroia makes me laugh when he throws the ball, its almost like watching Crisp or Ellsbury throw the ball. And JD Drew..WTF! Nice throw miss. Boston's weaknesses were totally exposed. Talk about getting owned and having no heart. Kevin Douchelis - 0-3. Jason Roiditek 0-4, 3ks. David Roidtiz 0-3, 2Ks. Jason Bay 1-3, 2Ks. Btw. congrats on getting Bay, that worked out well for you Boston. He's totally just as good as Manny. If Manny were to bat lefty. And what happened to Jacoby Ellsbury? Does anyone still think this guy's good? Going 0-for-14 in the ALCS and losing your job to a guy named after cereal is about as low as someone can get. Get Low! Get Low! This just in----I was just told Jacoby Ellsbury is now the lead singer of this band! I guess his baseball career is over as he's now focusing on his art form.

Has anyone seen David Ortiz or Jason Varitek's steroids? Seriously, they really need them. Seriously, give them back, no questions will be asked. They really can't hit w/out them. So give them back you fat bitch. C'mon! They'll give you their used syringes....seriously.

Btw. David Price??? Holy fuck! White people love David Price because he makes John Lester look like Gilbert Godfried. I don't even know what that means, but can someone check to see if Lester needs his diaper changed? Thanks!

Congrats Boston! You went out w/ no heart and got completely owned by the best pitcher in the playoffs. These Rays are going to be great for years. What an awesome story. And the Boston Red Sox (just like the rest of the city's franchises) are on their way down. Like Kevin Douchelis going down on Ortiz.

Evan Longoria. BJ Upton. Matt Garza. David Price. Carlos Pena. Carl Crawford. Scott Kazmir. The resurgence of the Cowbell. WHat a story! This is the best and most interesting World Series in over 10 years. I can't wait to watch finally!

Btw. Boston is completely on the way down. They got a bunch of ex-roiders and dead weight. My only wish in the offseason is that they get emotional and bring back guys that suck. Please re-sign Jason Varitek Theo! I can't think of someone who is famous who's had a worse career than this clown.

Go Rays! Go Chase Utley! Suck a dick Boston, everyone is glad to see you leave. Suck it!

Josh Beckett is a homosexual

Just in case you weren't sure, he definitely is. I just saw him (drunk - me not him) on Sportscenter and he's definitely a pillow biter. We're talking Tom Brady Gay. Wade Boggs Gay. Sigfried and Roy Gay. Brady Quinn Gay. Bill Simmons Gay. Paul Pierce Gay. David Ortiz Gay. Versacci Gay. You get the idea, all of these people are extremely homosexual.

So here we are, on the eve of Game 6 of the ALCS. Josh Beckett is still being touted as the mythical Dungeons & Dragons character that Dwight Schrute and the Nard Dog think he is. What I love about Sportscenter is I get nuggets where Steve Phillips is still touting Beckett as having a 1.73 career postseason ERA. Sure, if you don't count his last 2 bloodbaths. However, his career postseason ERA is actually 2.85, which is over 1 run higher than it was before the playoffs started! And he's probably had sex w/ 18 more crackhead gay drug dealers from Southie in that time frame. Fag.

The post steroid David Oritz (aka Big Floppy) is nothing compared to 2008 BJ Upton. The most HRs the Steroid Era David Roidtiz ever hit was 5 in the postseason in 2004. In 2008, a 102 pound BJ Upton has hit 6 HRs in 9 games, unlike the blatantly homosexual Dustin Pedroia. Oh did I mention the allegedly 25 year old PEDroia is the baldest person I've ever seen in my life? This "25 year old" is honestly balder than my grandfather was when he was 90. He's balder than Hugh Hefner on life support. I'd say PEDroia (aka the king of mini PEDs) is 39 years old, and will have a steep decline in 2009.

Suck it Boston. I'm watching tomorrow's game on the edge of my seat as Big Game James pitches against your fairy boy "A League Of Their Own" tribute. Do the people who are paid to talk about the MLB playoffs realize they actually know nothing? I mean, I keep hearing about how good Boston's bullpen is, and how unhittable Pappelbon is, but Pappelbon gave up an absolute shot to BJ upton last game. Like ridiculous. Like, Mikey doesn't come out of his room for 2 weeks to avoid the Dresden embarrassing. Jon Pappelbon - closet homobag. Suck it Boston.

I'm partying tomorrow. Fletch bitches.

Josh Beckett is unhittable in the postseason

If you don't fucking believe me, first off - fuck you. Secondly, I have proof. Check out Josh Beckett's (a gay baseball pitcher who hails from Texas) last 2 starts in the playoffs:

vs LAA: 5 IP, 9H, 4 ER, 4 BB, 6K
vs TBR: 4.1IP, 9H, 8 ER, 1 BB, 5K

If that doesn't speak dominance, I don't know what does. He's essentially the 2nd coming of Sandy Koufax. Well, you know, if Sandy Koufax was pretty average and not really that good.

In case you were wondering, Koufax's career playoff stats were:
Koufax: 4-3, 4CG, 57IP, 36H, 6 ER, 11BB, 61K, 0.95 ERA, 0.82 WHIP
Beckett: 6-2, 3CG, 82IP, 58H, 26ER, 19BB, 93K, 2.85 ERA, 0.94 WHIP

(Koufax's #s were before before the current watered down version in which Boston would have only qualified for the playoffs only once out of the last 3)

So Koufax, who is never actually mentioned as one of the best playoff pitchers, is far superior to the 2 watered down pitchers we hear about everyday (Beckett and Schilling).

The announcers last night actually said that Beckett has been dominant in the postseason for many years. However, those of us who have access to the interweb know different. Beckett is only in his 3rd postseason (2003, 2007, and 2008). 2008 has been a complete disaster for the bitch (9.1IP, 18H, 12ER, 5BB, 11K, 11.57ERA, 2.46 WHIP).

There's some other people worth checking out for a laugh. Numbers aside, has anyone actually watched Jacoby Ellsbury hit recently? The guy is terrible. I know people said he was a great draft pick in 2005, but the guy might be the worst hitter I've ever seen in my life. Its embarrassing. If I was that bad, I'd become a elementary teacher or a writer for The Office or something easy like that. Ellsbury literally hit's the ball out of the infield 2% of the time, its a joke.

Finally, now that he can't do roids anymore, David Ortiz (aka Big Sloppy) is a shell of his former self. Check his recently playoff stats on his link on his name. See, all of these people who were heralded as Clutch Playoff Superstars simply fall into the category of "Sample Size Bitches!". Hopefully reality will check in for all the monkey who blindly believe, cuz these ex roiders aren't really that great. Actually, guys like Ortiz are kinda shitty. When will Theo admit Ortiz was only good because of the juice? 2009? 2010? We'll soon find out.

Sample size bitches. The fags aren't that good. Fuck you. Fuck off. Boston sucks!

This just in: Boston is a bunch of fags

Wait, no, we already knew that. Boston is flat out gay. Like H&M Gay. Like Bill Simmons Gay. Like guys who drink Michelob Ultra gay. You get the idea. Anyway, finally the good news rolls in - Boston lost to the Yankees and the Rays are the East Champs! Personally I'd be embarrassed. I'd be embarrassed mainly because I just finished 2nd to a team that has been in existence for 10 years. 10 people! Fucking 10! The main reason though is because when my season was on the line I lost to NYY 19-8! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

Doesn't this pretty much dispel the theory that Terroy Francona is actually awake during games and kind of has a clue as to what's going on? Seriously people, Terry Francona was the A's bench coach in 03 - the guy is a fucking loser! Just in case you need proof, he started this guy against the NYY when he still had a chance to win the AL East - this fucking guy! Thank you Terry, thank you for being a shitty manager. Now I just can't wait to go to games in Anaheim next week to watch Boston lose to the Angels. I'm sure glad to hear Beckett and Daisuke are rested. I hope they remove their tampons in time. That would be really uncomfortable from what Curt Schilling told me. That's why he had blood on his sock - you knew that, right?

Beckett is back to being a pussy, what he was born to be. I honestly can't wait to watch him cry on the mound in game 1 of the ALDS. Here's to you Josh Beckett, you Kevin Douchelis dick sucker. And Daisuke, seriously, I hope you don't get shipped back to the mother land in Japan. You know, cuz you kinda suck and pitch 4 innings per start.

Eat a dick Boston, you're going home early this year. You know, now that David Ortiz is off the Roids, and he's back to doing what he normally shoud. What a fraud of a baseball player. After you replicate this BS next year, people will realize your whole career was a fraud since you were never good off the juice (unlike Bonds, but like Roiditek).

Fun with retards in Chats

Alright, so I've been really busy w/ shit lately, and I've neglected my 2 readers by not providing them with enough of my drunken rampages. Well, its 11am and I'm not drunk (yet), but I might as well touch on a few things.

First off, USC losing to Oregon State last night----awesome! I watched the game at a bar in Manhattan Beach that was 99% USC fans when I got there. By the 4th quarter, the place had thinned to about 50% capacity. I actually saw a bunch of dudes in SC jerseys leave at halftime, but they probably just got tired of me mocking them for drinking wine and went to another bar.

Secondly (and very late) - how awesome was that ass whipping the Patriots received last weekend? Stick a fork in those bitches. I love how Simmons still thinks they're in the top half of the league. One positive for the Pats - they won't lose this week--but only because they have a bye. I wish the Raiders D didn't fold last week. I still predict the Raiders will have a better season than NE this year, and they will trample Cassel and the rest of the ladies of NE in Oakland. Be afraid Gaytriot fans. I give them 2 more games before Randy Moss completely gives up on the season, like he did in 2006 for OAK. And NE fans will turn their back on him just like they did with Manny. I'm actually excited, I can't wait to see this play out. They got 1 great year out of Moss but choked it away when they weren't allowed to cheat in SBs anymore. Aw.

Alright, so is it just me, or is everyone sick of this "Dustin PEDroia for MVP" bullshit? This would be hands down the worst MVP of my lifetime. And I'm 112 years old. This kind of ESPN/Jerry Craznick/random idiot ESPN anchor from Boston hype leads to ridiculousness. For example (from today):

Birdman (Boston, MA): Morneau has almost exactly the numbers that Raul Ibanez has. Just thought I'd point that out. I'm going Pedroia.


Jerry Crasnick: Birdman, I don't think Raul Ibanez will be in the top 10 among MVP candidates, but he'll make up for it this winter on the free agent market.

OK Birdman, w/ that handle you clearly know what you're talking about and are not biased. Just for fun, let's look at a few guys, how about - PEDroia, Morneau, Mauer, Sizemore, Ibanez. I'm not including Kevin Douchelis in this, because every time I see that chaps wearer I want to puke. Literally.

Pedroia - .325 / .375 / .493 - 123 OPS+ (17 HRs, 6th in outs with 471, 1BB)
Morneau - .306 / .378 / .510 - 138 OPS+ (23 HRs, 16 IBB T1st)
Mauer - .330 / .415 / .452 - 135 OPS+ (9 HRs, 8 IBB)
Sizemore - .271 / .378 / .510 - 131 OPS+ (33 HRs, 7th in outs, 13 IBB)
Ibanez - .297 / .363 / .487 - 128 OPS+ (23 HRs, 11 IBB)

There are plenty of other players I could have included in this, but I have better things to waste my time with. Ibanez is only in there for Birdman's benefit. OK, to say that Ibanez and Moreneau are a wash is retarded. Morneau is having a great year. Comparing Ibanez to him is stupid. I'm talking to you Birdman. Plus, isn't that an unintended backhanded slap to PEDroia? I mean, technically Ibanez has better #s than PEDroia. And I personally think Sizemore has had the best season (and he's great defensively) but he won't get love since the Indians aren't winning shit.

So why the fuck would PEDroia deserve the award? He's not exactly Mark Ellis in the field or Rickey Henderson on the bases. He's a 5'2" slow white dude who makes the plays he's supposed to, never the tough ones, he just doesn't f up plays that Major Leaguers shouldn't mess up anyway. Big deal. And in case you were wondering, PEDroia is 6th in the AL in OUTs, so he has cracked the top 10 in an offensive category. The only thing is, you're trying to not make outs there buddy.

Some other idiot asked if you would trade PEDroia for Mauer straight up, and said he definitely wouldn't (he was saying PEDroia is way more valuable). I disagree completely with this. It is far easier to find a 2B who can match what PEDroia does than a C who can do what Mauer does. I honestly would take Mauer's offensive production over PEDroia's any day of the week. If PEDroia didn't play for Boston no one would even know who he is. But the difference between Mauer and Roiditek?! HUGE! And don't give me this "But Roiditek is really good w/ the pitchers". Bullshit funboy. If Mauer caught for Boston, I guarantee you the results would be just the same. Moving on....

Brandon, MN: Mauer has better or similar stats than Pedroia in every major category except HR, and he has 130 less AB's. Just wanted to point that out to Birdman.

Jerry Crasnick: Brandon, Joe Mauer has been great, and he deserves a lot of credit for nurturing that young staff. But just about everyone I've talked to thinks that Morneau is clearly Minnesota's MVP just because of his power production with so little help in the middle of that order.

Thanks Brando! Brando is right, and Crasnick is useless. Everyone knows that Crasnick is a total Red Sox homer, right? He actually doesn't even try to disguise it. But Crasnick is right, Morneau would get Minnesota's MVP (and the fact that Mauer doesn't have much power hurts him). If I ranked the MVP it would probably go something like:

1. Sizemore
2. Morneau
3. A-Rod
4. Carlos Quentin
5. Douchelis
6. Mauer
7. Miguel Cabrera
8. Aubrey Huff
9. Josh Hamilton
10. PEDroia

So yeah, the little guy who stopped growing when he was 11 should get some votes, but around 10th place votes. This is totally off the top of my head, other guys like Brian Roberts, Markakis, Dye and others could be in this top 10 discussion. Basically what I'm trying to say is FUCK PEDroia. And then....

Mike (Mpls): Do the voters take into account he ballpark factor when looking at MVP? Pedrois has a big wall 310 feet away in left field to knock doubles off of but if he played in the metrodome, where left field is 343, his numbers would be much worse as evidenced by the fact he has 33 home doubles and 19 away doubles.


Jerry Crasnick: Mike, Dustin Pedroia is hitting .342 with seven homers and 43 RBIs at Fenway, and .309 with 10 homers and 40 RBIs on the road, so I don't buy the premise that he's benefited that greatly from the park in Boston.

God bless Jerry Crasnick, the king of the cherry pick. Feel free, loyal 2 readers to look at PEDroia's true splits here. Apparently AVG, HRs and RBIs are all that matter. Welcome to 1975. PEDroia has 16 2Bs more at home (35 vs 19) and his HOME OPS vs ROAD OPS is .910 vs .827. Sure, OPS+ is supposed to account for where they play, but that's a huge OPS discrepancy. Similarly, Douchelis' HOME OPS is .122 higher than his ROAD OPS. It took me 20 seconds to get all of that, but Jerry doesn't have that kind of time.

Doug (Santa Barbara, CA): Jerry, playing for HFA isn't meaningful? How can you say that not playing a meaningful game will hurt the Angels, and they say the Cubs will be in the World Series? Didn't the Cubs clinch awhile back, too? If you think the Sox are better, that's fine, but that's pretty weak reasoning.



Jerry Crasnick: Doug, It's different scuffling for a playoff spot and playing for home field advantage when you have a 20 game lead in your division. I'm not ruling out the Angels as a World Series candidate, by any means. But that's something I'm sure Mike Scioscia has to be conscious of -- making sure they don't go stale. Plus, they've played an awful lot of games against Texas, Oakland and Seattle this season. That's not exacly the stiffest competition.

Oh Jerry, you sweet ignoramus. Boston was 6-4 against OAK this year (not exactly domination) and they won 3 of those 6 games after OAK gave up on the season. Sure, Seattle sucks, but so does Jerry Crasnick. Except Crasnick actually blows dudes, while Seattle just sucks at the game of baseball---they don't actually give head to guys like Jerry does.

In conclusion, Dustin PEDroia is not as good as people think he is. And I can't believe I'm actually going to be rooting for the Angels in the ALDS. I'm so confused.

Dan Johnson....DAN JOHNSON!

What a way to finish off a great Tuesday. First, the joy of Tom Brady getting injured on Sunday. This feeling was almost ruined by a dumb Sports Guy calling the hit on Brady dirty. Um, no. I'm so tired of idiots referring to that as a dirty hit. What country are you from you non-football watching terrorists? Sorry, Boston isn't a country, although I wish it were. Leave the union bitches! Anyway, the only person to blame for the hit was the meaningless NE running back who completely fucked Brady over. You had a decent career Tommy boy, but it looks like you'll never match Montana now, what a shame. And I don't even like the 9ers.

So TB should have put Matsuzaka in a bodybag today, but they kept letting him off the hook. Matsuzaka had a typical shitty game, yet didn't give up as many runs as he should have. Obviously his luck won't last forever. The main thing is, after Bay's HR, things looked really bad. Well, until the most overrated closer in baseball came in - Douchelbon. In 1 inning, he gave up 3 absolute shots and of course lost the game. The on ESPN, Karl Ravech and his crew were insinuating that MAYBE Papelbon wasn't loose since Bay hit the go ahead HR with 2 outs in the bottom of the 8th. WTF! Seriously, is there any excuse that can't be made for Boston at this point? I think Tom Brady is out for the season because Larry Johnson of the Chiefs is the evil devil doppleganger of Grand Ma Ma Larry Johnson. Just a theory. ....Idiots.

So here's to you Dan Johnson, a real man of genius. He's to you, guy who got cut by the A's only to come up as a PH months later for the Rays against the #2 gay douchebag in all of baseball (Youkilis is #1, but you already knew that) and hit the game tying HR! Here's to you Dan Johnson, even if you are in part responsible for the A's moving to Fremont!