Bring Glory Back to Oakland

Baseball is back - 2011!

2011-04-01T12:02:00.000-07:00

How many days til Dustin Pedroia's first 14 year old this year?!?!?! We're back!

I love that so many people are picking Boston to win this year, can't wait for them to disappoint. I wonder if Jon Lester will be crying tonight....It's going to take a lot of soccer scores for the A's this year if they're going to win the West.

I'm glad baseball is finally back!

Congrats Boston Celtics

2010-06-20T12:35:00.000-07:00

Congrats Boston! You were up 3-2, got blown out in Game 6 and then completely choked in Game 7. Finally things are back to normal for Boston. As bad as Kobe was in Game 7, you still couldn't do it with your overrated shooter (who had 1 great game and 6 awful ones) and the most overrated PG in the NBA (Raon Rondo).

After the fluke Game 2, Ray Allen was 4 for 28 from 3 in Game 3 - 7 (that's pretty good). I like Ray Allen because he needs 8 screens to get a shot off. Also, his mom is probably linked to Delonte West.

The best PG in the NBA was 5 for 19 from the FT line in the Finals. That's great.

Chubby Baby and Nate Robinson were overconfident after the Game 4 fluke and pretty much did nothing after that game. I was a little surprised Perkins didn't get rolled out of the locker room in a wheelchair during Game 6. I thought for sure he'd be back in the game 2 minutes later. And finally, the King of Flop set a new record for Flops in a 7 game Finals.

We probably won't see this team in the Finals for many years, so hopefully Marky Mark enjoyed 2010.

Boston leads the league in pedophilia

2009-07-11T02:00:00.000-07:00

Alright, I've been called out by my "fans" in Connecticut. Here's the thing---I'm lazy, and I've been busy. Fuck, don't you know how much time it takes to keep your eye on Fat Sam?

Anyway, people are right. I need to stop fucking around. A lot of shit has gone down in the last 6 months, and I've been like Dante Stallworth at the wheel. Only difference is, I still have my drivers license. So just for kicks, check out Jason Giambi's career stats. Then check out David Roidtiz's stats. Pretty interesting stuff. One thing of note: At the age of 42, David Ortiz is now at 300 career HRs (and the world's smallest testicles), while at the age of 38, Jason Giambi now has 407 career HRs. Giambi looks like he's done and is having a horrible year, but is there any doubt that 20 years from now people will look back and say wow, Jason Giambi could hit while David Ortiz "I'm sorry, who?". Exactly. As Brandon Walsh would say, nice size 12 hat Chief. Juice much?

Keep in mind I know Giambi's history, but fucking c'mon people. Ortiz is a comic book character, but the one who sucks. At any rate, big news this season...somehow the Red Sox are doing well, even though Dustin PEDroia sucks, yet the dumb fans voted him in to the All-star game even though Ian Kinsler is 800% better than him. Also, Ian Kinsler does not molest 14 year guys. Definitely a positive. Also, in case you were wondering, PEDroia has a 103 OPS+, and I'm confident that I could put up a 105 OPS+ this season. I'm just saying. Also, I'm taller than 5'3". Btw. Kinsler has 20 HRs, while Pederass has 4 HRs. Also, Pederass' range is so bad his brother is in jail.

I'm also glad to see that Peter Gammons is not senile and old and useless. Last year, he said Bartolo Colon was throwing 98 MPH and the best of his life. This year, John Smoltz is set to set records and be the first pitcher to win 2 Cy youngs in the same season! Because he bent your mom over and fucked her twice! Fucking right! Well, Peter Gammons is totally impartial, and John Smoltz's old ass has been dominant this year. Don't believe me? Check. Is there anyone less relevant or less knowledgeable about baseball than Gammons? Yes, his name is Terry Francona. Tito!

So have fun Boston. Make sure you wipe the cum off Gammons' face when he's done.

Suck a dick schilling

2009-03-25T21:50:00.000-07:00

Thank god. Good riddance. The fat steroid abuser has finally retired. Seriously, look at his career progression then call me and tell me he didn't abuse. A friend of mine told me a great idea for a drinking game. Hopefully the world never comes to this. But in a worst case scenario, if Curt Schilling becomes an announcer, the drinking game would entail drinking every time Curt Schilling mentions meeting Charlton Heston at an NRA meeting. Fag.

So from all of us here at BHA, suck a dick Schilling.

You should go down as the least liked player in history. I honestly can't think of anyone lower on the scale than you, and Pete Rose ate babies. Ty Cobb ate dogs. Orel Hershiser was Mormon.

So here's to you Mr. Overrated postseason pitcher.....overrated postseason pitcher......you do not belong in Cooperstown. Nor does your fake AIDS bloody sock.

Seriously though, you all know he abused steroids, right?

The Boston Pederass

2009-01-30T12:00:00.000-08:00

In case you've missed it, Dustin PEDroia comes from a long line of pederasses. This is fucking classic. I'm surprised more hasn't been made of this. Why the fuck is ESPN talking about Boston resigning the worst hitting catcher and most overrated player of all time when they could be talking about this?!!! Feel free to read more about just how overrated HERE. Fuck!

Here's the goods...
The older brother of AL MVP Dustin Pedroia is facing child molestation charges.

Woodland police say 30-year-old Brett Pedroia was booked at the Yolo County jail Jan. 9 on two counts of oral copulation and lewd acts with a child under age 14.

I mean, sweet jesus. FIrst off, Dustin PEDroia is too bald to be this 14 year old, but maybe that's where the PEDroia's get these gay pederass urges, they're probably all the size of 14 year olds. In case you were wondering, I was taller than PEDroia is now when I was 12 years old. He's a fucking bald dwarf. This is so goddam fucked up.

Be on the lookout for BHA t's mocking PEDroia at some point. My hope is that every away stadium will put up "Pederass" on the big screen every time PEDroia comes up to hit. I don't ask for much, can't someone make this fucking happen? Please?!

Hey PEDroia.....you're a faaaaaaaaaaaagggggggg! Suck it. Wait no, don't, you'll probably take that literally. Don't do that.

Btw. almost time for the 2009 season, I can't fucking wait!!!!

Eat a dick Boston sports

2008-12-29T15:32:00.000-08:00

Finally, Boston sports is getting what they deserve. Eating a fat dick. Here are some great happenings over the last couple of weeks.

First, on back to back days the "greatest team in the NBA" got basically manhandled by the Lakers (no surprise) and my fucking Warriors! Stephen Jackson lit the Celtics the fuck up.

12/25: Lakers 92, Celtics 83
12/26: Warriors 99, Celtics 89

Can we finally admit Paul Pierce is kind of a joke and is nothing? Didn't he lose enough on his own to prove he's not a big time player? And seriously, after watching both of these games I saw that Pierce and KG flop more this year than they did last year, which is really hard to believe. I thought they had reached their floppeak. Essentially, Paul Pierce is a bitch and KG is a punk. That dude laid at least 2 cheap shots running down the court. Ridiculous.

We also had the great news that NYY signed Teixeira and Boston missed out. Although they did sign Brad Penny's broke assed arm and a light hitting catcher. I can't wait to see the Yankees manhandle Boston all year long in 2009. Especially when Douchelis and PEDroia don't live up to their inflated career years from 2008. I've got the over/under on Mike Lowell at 65 games in 2008, I wonder how many games his broke ass will actually play in. Big PEDi off the juice is not even as "feared" as Jim Rice. Speaking of which, I can't believe Rice is probably going to get into the HOF this year. Do yourself a favor and look at the careers of Jim Rice and then Big Dave Parker, and try to make the case for Rice over Parker. I've spent some time on this, and I can't. Especially considering Parker actually played defense and was not the 70s-80s version of Manny in the field. Not to mention big assed Dave Parker had 100 career SBS more than Jim Rice! Fuck me. It sure is a good thing Rice keeps getting more votes than McGwire. Clearly that makes perfect sense.

Finally, the team that only wins in the playoffs when they cheat is not in the playoffs. Since they were finally not allowed to cheat in 2008. I think this year taught us something as well. Tom Brady is actually not that big of a deal, he's just a less mobile version of Matt Cassell. They're both guys who weren't even good enough to start in college. It's all about Bellicheat's system and uncanny ability to know what plays the defense has called. I feel bad for the team that gives Matt Cassell a bunch of money in the offseason.

You got what you deserved NE. The best part is after Moss' record breaking season, I predicted it was a fluke and this year he would repeat what he did in Oakland. And I was dead fucking on. Enjoy that bitch Randy Moss NE. Good thing you signed him up!

The 2008 AL MVD

2008-11-22T10:23:00.001-08:00

The AL's Most Vile Douchebag - Ms. Dustin PEDroia (I've included a photo of one of the many better choices for MVP). This is really late, mainly because I've been busy and in disbelief. Sure, this year there was no clear cut MVP in the AL. They would have been better off not giving out the award this year than giving it to the most overrated player in baseball, a guy who people only know for 3 reasons - 1. he's shorter than I was 6th grade, 2. He plays for Boston, 3. He's bald at the age of 25 (wink wink).

Rob Neyer had a good writeup here on the choice for MVP here, in case you missed it. This is a great point he makes:

Aside from his height, there's nothing unique about Dustin Pedroia. Unusual: yes. Unique: no. Chase Utley plays the game right, and is a better hitter and a better fielder than Pedroia. Utley stole 14 bases this season, and was caught twice. Pedroia stole 20 bases, and was caught once. I'm sorry, but one steal per month just doesn't contribute much to uniqueness.

I know Utley plays in the NL, but its funny that he finished tied for 14th in the NL MVP vote, while mini-PED finished 1st in the AL MVP vote.

In case you were wondering, Utley put up .292/.380/.535 135 OPS+ (w/ 113 R, 33 HRs, 104 RBIs, 14 SBs, if you like those #s).

PEDroia put up .326/.376/.493 122 OPS+ (w/ 118 R, 17 HRs, 83 RBIs, 20 SBs, if those are your kind of #s)

So Utley clearly is a better hitter than PEDroia. I still don't understand how a guy can win w/ a 122 OPS+. Even Ichiro had a 126 OPS+ in 2001 and his fielding ability was 8 billion times better than PEDroia's (Giambi clearly was the MVP in 2001, but that's a whole different story). But another critical point here is that Utley is a far superior fielding than PEDroia. Like not even close. Dude, PEDroia is a decent fielder, I'll give him that. But in almost every game I watched, he made at least one Ellsbury-esque throw (ie. 8 hop to the plate type). The dude has a female arm attached to a little boy's body. It's pathetic. I guarantee you I could out throw him and I haven't thrown a ball in a long time.

Clearly the AL didn't have an extremely outstanding candidate this year, or this tragedy never would have happened. PEDroia winning the MVP is a disgrace to baseball and shows how terrible the writers truly are. If they think this little guy was the MVP this year, then maybe they should be in a different line of work. Like making boxes. Or serving lattes. Or eating donuts. I don't know, some shit like that. I guess now PEDroia will retire w/ 1 (and only 1) MVP award in his career. So even though they didn't win, Mauer and Morneau were clearly better MVP candiates than PEDroia. You could say the same for Grady Sizemore, and a few other players on teams not very close to the playoffs.

Oh well, now that they've lost Manny and have Bay and his bewildered looking ass in LF all season, PEDroia won't be seen as extremely important since he won't be scoring all those runs. Oh yeah, and post-roid abuse David Ortiz is clearly not very intimidating. I can't wait to see his encore to 2008. Maybe he'll hit 15 HRs this year and strike out more than Jack Cust. Mike Lowell threw his back out fucking Jason Varitek (also not so good off the juice), so he's just a shadow at this point. And I hope Theo resigns the lady Capitan, please do this!

Not such an intimidating bunch anymore, are they?

Potential AL MVP

2008-11-17T23:11:00.000-08:00

So thank god the writers got the NL MVP correct, and voted for Albert Pujols. Dude is a fucking beast. How the hell did Ryan Howard finish 2nd? WTF! Look at Pujols' career stats and think about how ridiculous this guy has been. He's 28 (almost 29) and he's now got 2 MVP awards (2005, 2008) and he's got 7 top 5 finishes in 8 years (2 1st, 3 2nd, 1 3rd, 1 4th). But Jim Rice is the most feared hitter in baseball....wait, what? Wait sorry, Jim Rice was a decent hitter (128+ OPS) while Pujols is silly (170 career OPS+). Anyway, any chance I get to mock the dumb Boston hype machine I'll take. Look at the final NL MVP tally though. Ridiculous. It's like an awful Matsuzaka finishing w/ 10 pts in the AL Cy Young. Just plain dumb.

So anyway, In about 12 hours the AL MVP will be announced via telegram from NY. When you have a sec, take a look at the history of MVP (and CY Young) winners in baseball. They're all here! The "hype" from the Boston bullshit hype machine is that Dustin Pedroia will win the AL MVP ...which is really sad. And if he does, he'll be the worst MVP since 1988 (Kirk Gibson - .290/.377/.483). A 122 OPS+ with a decent glove does not an MVP make. Sure, I guess it helps if the guy is 4'8", 102 LBs, 25 years old and completely bald. And possibly the owner of 1 testicle.

Just for kicks, think about this - Pedroia was not the best fielding 2B in the AL (Mark Ellis was and its not even close since 2006). He also was not the best hitting 2B in the AL (Ian Kinsler and Brian Roberts). He's also not the best hitter on his own team (Kevin Douchelis). So why is Dustin PEDroia going to win the MVP again? Because he's a small white ugly bald guy? Because he's gritty? Because he's a 25 year old virgin?

Seriously, someone please explain this to me! It's pissing me off that someone so meaningless can win an MV fucking P award because he's an "underdog" and he "swings really hard". These are dumb reasons. And this is everything that's wrong w/ baseball. If he's so valuable, how come Boston got owned by TB? Anyone? I'm so tired of the Boston hype machine ruining the game and giving votes and awards to people who don't deserve them. Does anyone actually still believe Michael Bowden is going to amount to shit after seeing the paths of Gay Buttholes and Craig Hansen - the future Hall of Fame closer? I sure as fuck don't.

OK, so I'm going to play a quick game - people who deserve the AL MVP award more than PEDroia. Lightnight round style, not necessarily in order, but all more deserving (please look at their stats [grittiness stat purposely removed] to see that I know what the fuck I'm talking about)...

1. A-ROD
2. Uncle Milty
3. Carlos Quentin
4. Nick Markakis
5. Longoria
6. Joe Mauer
7. Dye
8. Grady Sizemore
9. Justin Morneau
10. Jack Cust
11. Your Mom

I have to stop there because I got bored (as I imagine you are by now). People realize PEDroia was 7th in the AL in outs, right? Oh no, they don't. They don't realize its bad to be in the top-10 in outs (Sizemore is the only one I included in my top 11 who was top 10 in outs, but he's way more handsome and cooler than the bald midget).

Congratulations Dustin PEDroia, you almost made 500 outs in 2008 (474), enjoy that MVP award you don't deserve. Keep making outs, the voters love em! Bitch!

Btw. there are probably 20 guys more worthy of the AL MVP, but who's counting? I can't wait to see Boston finish in 3rd in 2009...and hopefully Gammons will have a stroke. Let's start this shit.

Brewers fans will soon feel the rath of Macha

2008-11-01T21:30:00.001-07:00

From Webster's dictionary:
Noun. Short white haired dude who loves yogurt so much he licks the mother fucking lid.

Webster's hit the fucking nail on the head! I should know. In January 2006, before spring training, I took a flight from Philly to SF with Macha. I was wearing my A's hat, and Macha came up to me, smiled and gave me the double thumbs up. Then he proceeded to eat 2 yogurts. Fucker loves yogurt.

Good luck w/ Macha Brewers fans. I honestly feel for you. You're a fanbase that's had it as bad as we have. Actually, you've had it worse. Dude, Macha is not the answer.

I set up feedburner for this site, whatever the fuck that is. I have no idea what it is, but some little Asian dude said I'm an idiot since I hadn't set it up. And little asian dudes took down Godzilla and Bob Horner, so who the fuck am I to question this. Try the link here or below.

http://feeds.feedburner.com/BringGloryBackToOakland

Is anyone else appalled that Bob Horner retired at 30 after playing 1 year in Japan at 29? I mean, what. the. fuck. Seriously. If you haven't read it yet, you've got to read 'You gotta have Wa'...great book.

Btw. am I the only one who realizes that David Oritz and Jason Varitek aren't that good without the use of PEDs? Just curious. Suck it Boston. Btw. hard to believe the ChiSox didn't pick up Ken Griffey Jr's $16.5M option.

Btw. did I mention that Ken Macha is a douchebag? Oh yeah, just curious, how did Boston do this year? Oh yeah, they lost. Suck it fags.

John Lester is the best pitcher in baseball...

2008-10-19T21:35:00.001-07:00

...who still wets his pants. But he's got big people huggies and he's working through things, so its all good. Plus, you know, Harold Reynolds said he was the best pitcher in baseball before the ALCS started, so he's got that going for him.

Holy fucking Matt Garza. This is the type of dude I wish the A's had staring. What a fucking bad ass. He completely owned Boston. He made one mistake to Dustin "Eckstein" PEDroia , but other than that he owned the bitches. Btw, Karl Ravech just said Dustin PEDroia is the AL MVP candidate. If that happens, they should just stop giving out AL MVPs. They will have no value. Wait, that's not entirely accurate, they will be worth 1/100th of a penny, just like a coupon for one of Dave Thomas' square burgers. Hogpound Tony! Btw. PEDroia has a career postseason OPS of 0.797. Fuckin clutch bitches!

This game 7 was ridiculously awesome! It had all the great elements. TB scored their first run as we witnessed PEDroia's Shirty Temple armTM. PEDroia makes me laugh when he throws the ball, its almost like watching Crisp or Ellsbury throw the ball. And JD Drew..WTF! Nice throw miss. Boston's weaknesses were totally exposed. Talk about getting owned and having no heart. Kevin Douchelis - 0-3. Jason Roiditek 0-4, 3ks. David Roidtiz 0-3, 2Ks. Jason Bay 1-3, 2Ks. Btw. congrats on getting Bay, that worked out well for you Boston. He's totally just as good as Manny. If Manny were to bat lefty. And what happened to Jacoby Ellsbury? Does anyone still think this guy's good? Going 0-for-14 in the ALCS and losing your job to a guy named after cereal is about as low as someone can get. Get Low! Get Low! This just in----I was just told Jacoby Ellsbury is now the lead singer of this band! I guess his baseball career is over as he's now focusing on his art form.

Has anyone seen David Ortiz or Jason Varitek's steroids? Seriously, they really need them. Seriously, give them back, no questions will be asked. They really can't hit w/out them. So give them back you fat bitch. C'mon! They'll give you their used syringes....seriously.

Btw. David Price??? Holy fuck! White people love David Price because he makes John Lester look like Gilbert Godfried. I don't even know what that means, but can someone check to see if Lester needs his diaper changed? Thanks!

Congrats Boston! You went out w/ no heart and got completely owned by the best pitcher in the playoffs. These Rays are going to be great for years. What an awesome story. And the Boston Red Sox (just like the rest of the city's franchises) are on their way down. Like Kevin Douchelis going down on Ortiz.

Evan Longoria. BJ Upton. Matt Garza. David Price. Carlos Pena. Carl Crawford. Scott Kazmir. The resurgence of the Cowbell. WHat a story! This is the best and most interesting World Series in over 10 years. I can't wait to watch finally!

Btw. Boston is completely on the way down. They got a bunch of ex-roiders and dead weight. My only wish in the offseason is that they get emotional and bring back guys that suck. Please re-sign Jason Varitek Theo! I can't think of someone who is famous who's had a worse career than this clown.

Go Rays! Go Chase Utley! Suck a dick Boston, everyone is glad to see you leave. Suck it!

Josh Beckett is a homosexual

2008-10-17T23:25:00.001-07:00

Just in case you weren't sure, he definitely is. I just saw him (drunk - me not him) on Sportscenter and he's definitely a pillow biter. We're talking Tom Brady Gay. Wade Boggs Gay. Sigfried and Roy Gay. Brady Quinn Gay. Bill Simmons Gay. Paul Pierce Gay. David Ortiz Gay. Versacci Gay. You get the idea, all of these people are extremely homosexual.

So here we are, on the eve of Game 6 of the ALCS. Josh Beckett is still being touted as the mythical Dungeons & Dragons character that Dwight Schrute and the Nard Dog think he is. What I love about Sportscenter is I get nuggets where Steve Phillips is still touting Beckett as having a 1.73 career postseason ERA. Sure, if you don't count his last 2 bloodbaths. However, his career postseason ERA is actually 2.85, which is over 1 run higher than it was before the playoffs started! And he's probably had sex w/ 18 more crackhead gay drug dealers from Southie in that time frame. Fag.

The post steroid David Oritz (aka Big Floppy) is nothing compared to 2008 BJ Upton. The most HRs the Steroid Era David Roidtiz ever hit was 5 in the postseason in 2004. In 2008, a 102 pound BJ Upton has hit 6 HRs in 9 games, unlike the blatantly homosexual Dustin Pedroia. Oh did I mention the allegedly 25 year old PEDroia is the baldest person I've ever seen in my life? This "25 year old" is honestly balder than my grandfather was when he was 90. He's balder than Hugh Hefner on life support. I'd say PEDroia (aka the king of mini PEDs) is 39 years old, and will have a steep decline in 2009.

Suck it Boston. I'm watching tomorrow's game on the edge of my seat as Big Game James pitches against your fairy boy "A League Of Their Own" tribute. Do the people who are paid to talk about the MLB playoffs realize they actually know nothing? I mean, I keep hearing about how good Boston's bullpen is, and how unhittable Pappelbon is, but Pappelbon gave up an absolute shot to BJ upton last game. Like ridiculous. Like, Mikey doesn't come out of his room for 2 weeks to avoid the Dresden embarrassing. Jon Pappelbon - closet homobag. Suck it Boston.

I'm partying tomorrow. Fletch bitches.

Josh Beckett is unhittable in the postseason

2008-10-12T18:03:00.000-07:00

If you don't fucking believe me, first off - fuck you. Secondly, I have proof. Check out Josh Beckett's (a gay baseball pitcher who hails from Texas) last 2 starts in the playoffs:

vs LAA: 5 IP, 9H, 4 ER, 4 BB, 6K
vs TBR: 4.1IP, 9H, 8 ER, 1 BB, 5K

If that doesn't speak dominance, I don't know what does. He's essentially the 2nd coming of Sandy Koufax. Well, you know, if Sandy Koufax was pretty average and not really that good.

In case you were wondering, Koufax's career playoff stats were:
Koufax: 4-3, 4CG, 57IP, 36H, 6 ER, 11BB, 61K, 0.95 ERA, 0.82 WHIP
Beckett: 6-2, 3CG, 82IP, 58H, 26ER, 19BB, 93K, 2.85 ERA, 0.94 WHIP

(Koufax's #s were before before the current watered down version in which Boston would have only qualified for the playoffs only once out of the last 3)

So Koufax, who is never actually mentioned as one of the best playoff pitchers, is far superior to the 2 watered down pitchers we hear about everyday (Beckett and Schilling).

The announcers last night actually said that Beckett has been dominant in the postseason for many years. However, those of us who have access to the interweb know different. Beckett is only in his 3rd postseason (2003, 2007, and 2008). 2008 has been a complete disaster for the bitch (9.1IP, 18H, 12ER, 5BB, 11K, 11.57ERA, 2.46 WHIP).

There's some other people worth checking out for a laugh. Numbers aside, has anyone actually watched Jacoby Ellsbury hit recently? The guy is terrible. I know people said he was a great draft pick in 2005, but the guy might be the worst hitter I've ever seen in my life. Its embarrassing. If I was that bad, I'd become a elementary teacher or a writer for The Office or something easy like that. Ellsbury literally hit's the ball out of the infield 2% of the time, its a joke.

Finally, now that he can't do roids anymore, David Ortiz (aka Big Sloppy) is a shell of his former self. Check his recently playoff stats on his link on his name. See, all of these people who were heralded as Clutch Playoff Superstars simply fall into the category of "Sample Size Bitches!". Hopefully reality will check in for all the monkey who blindly believe, cuz these ex roiders aren't really that great. Actually, guys like Ortiz are kinda shitty. When will Theo admit Ortiz was only good because of the juice? 2009? 2010? We'll soon find out.

Sample size bitches. The fags aren't that good. Fuck you. Fuck off. Boston sucks!

This just in: Boston is a bunch of fags

2008-09-26T22:25:00.000-07:00

Wait, no, we already knew that. Boston is flat out gay. Like H&M Gay. Like Bill Simmons Gay. Like guys who drink Michelob Ultra gay. You get the idea. Anyway, finally the good news rolls in - Boston lost to the Yankees and the Rays are the East Champs! Personally I'd be embarrassed. I'd be embarrassed mainly because I just finished 2nd to a team that has been in existence for 10 years. 10 people! Fucking 10! The main reason though is because when my season was on the line I lost to NYY 19-8! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

Doesn't this pretty much dispel the theory that Terroy Francona is actually awake during games and kind of has a clue as to what's going on? Seriously people, Terry Francona was the A's bench coach in 03 - the guy is a fucking loser! Just in case you need proof, he started this guy against the NYY when he still had a chance to win the AL East - this fucking guy! Thank you Terry, thank you for being a shitty manager. Now I just can't wait to go to games in Anaheim next week to watch Boston lose to the Angels. I'm sure glad to hear Beckett and Daisuke are rested. I hope they remove their tampons in time. That would be really uncomfortable from what Curt Schilling told me. That's why he had blood on his sock - you knew that, right?

Beckett is back to being a pussy, what he was born to be. I honestly can't wait to watch him cry on the mound in game 1 of the ALDS. Here's to you Josh Beckett, you Kevin Douchelis dick sucker. And Daisuke, seriously, I hope you don't get shipped back to the mother land in Japan. You know, cuz you kinda suck and pitch 4 innings per start.

Eat a dick Boston, you're going home early this year. You know, now that David Ortiz is off the Roids, and he's back to doing what he normally shoud. What a fraud of a baseball player. After you replicate this BS next year, people will realize your whole career was a fraud since you were never good off the juice (unlike Bonds, but like Roiditek).

Fun with retards in Chats

2008-09-26T10:49:00.000-07:00

Alright, so I've been really busy w/ shit lately, and I've neglected my 2 readers by not providing them with enough of my drunken rampages. Well, its 11am and I'm not drunk (yet), but I might as well touch on a few things.

First off, USC losing to Oregon State last night----awesome! I watched the game at a bar in Manhattan Beach that was 99% USC fans when I got there. By the 4th quarter, the place had thinned to about 50% capacity. I actually saw a bunch of dudes in SC jerseys leave at halftime, but they probably just got tired of me mocking them for drinking wine and went to another bar.

Secondly (and very late) - how awesome was that ass whipping the Patriots received last weekend? Stick a fork in those bitches. I love how Simmons still thinks they're in the top half of the league. One positive for the Pats - they won't lose this week--but only because they have a bye. I wish the Raiders D didn't fold last week. I still predict the Raiders will have a better season than NE this year, and they will trample Cassel and the rest of the ladies of NE in Oakland. Be afraid Gaytriot fans. I give them 2 more games before Randy Moss completely gives up on the season, like he did in 2006 for OAK. And NE fans will turn their back on him just like they did with Manny. I'm actually excited, I can't wait to see this play out. They got 1 great year out of Moss but choked it away when they weren't allowed to cheat in SBs anymore. Aw.

Alright, so is it just me, or is everyone sick of this "Dustin PEDroia for MVP" bullshit? This would be hands down the worst MVP of my lifetime. And I'm 112 years old. This kind of ESPN/Jerry Craznick/random idiot ESPN anchor from Boston hype leads to ridiculousness. For example (from today):

Birdman (Boston, MA): Morneau has almost exactly the numbers that Raul Ibanez has. Just thought I'd point that out. I'm going Pedroia.

Jerry Crasnick: Birdman, I don't think Raul Ibanez will be in the top 10 among MVP candidates, but he'll make up for it this winter on the free agent market.

OK Birdman, w/ that handle you clearly know what you're talking about and are not biased. Just for fun, let's look at a few guys, how about - PEDroia, Morneau, Mauer, Sizemore, Ibanez. I'm not including Kevin Douchelis in this, because every time I see that chaps wearer I want to puke. Literally.

Pedroia - .325 / .375 / .493 - 123 OPS+ (17 HRs, 6th in outs with 471, 1BB)
Morneau - .306 / .378 / .510 - 138 OPS+ (23 HRs, 16 IBB T1st)
Mauer - .330 / .415 / .452 - 135 OPS+ (9 HRs, 8 IBB)
Sizemore - .271 / .378 / .510 - 131 OPS+ (33 HRs, 7th in outs, 13 IBB)
Ibanez - .297 / .363 / .487 - 128 OPS+ (23 HRs, 11 IBB)

There are plenty of other players I could have included in this, but I have better things to waste my time with. Ibanez is only in there for Birdman's benefit. OK, to say that Ibanez and Moreneau are a wash is retarded. Morneau is having a great year. Comparing Ibanez to him is stupid. I'm talking to you Birdman. Plus, isn't that an unintended backhanded slap to PEDroia? I mean, technically Ibanez has better #s than PEDroia. And I personally think Sizemore has had the best season (and he's great defensively) but he won't get love since the Indians aren't winning shit.

So why the fuck would PEDroia deserve the award? He's not exactly Mark Ellis in the field or Rickey Henderson on the bases. He's a 5'2" slow white dude who makes the plays he's supposed to, never the tough ones, he just doesn't f up plays that Major Leaguers shouldn't mess up anyway. Big deal. And in case you were wondering, PEDroia is 6th in the AL in OUTs, so he has cracked the top 10 in an offensive category. The only thing is, you're trying to not make outs there buddy.

Some other idiot asked if you would trade PEDroia for Mauer straight up, and said he definitely wouldn't (he was saying PEDroia is way more valuable). I disagree completely with this. It is far easier to find a 2B who can match what PEDroia does than a C who can do what Mauer does. I honestly would take Mauer's offensive production over PEDroia's any day of the week. If PEDroia didn't play for Boston no one would even know who he is. But the difference between Mauer and Roiditek?! HUGE! And don't give me this "But Roiditek is really good w/ the pitchers". Bullshit funboy. If Mauer caught for Boston, I guarantee you the results would be just the same. Moving on....

Brandon, MN: Mauer has better or similar stats than Pedroia in every major category except HR, and he has 130 less AB's. Just wanted to point that out to Birdman.

Jerry Crasnick: Brandon, Joe Mauer has been great, and he deserves a lot of credit for nurturing that young staff. But just about everyone I've talked to thinks that Morneau is clearly Minnesota's MVP just because of his power production with so little help in the middle of that order.

Thanks Brando! Brando is right, and Crasnick is useless. Everyone knows that Crasnick is a total Red Sox homer, right? He actually doesn't even try to disguise it. But Crasnick is right, Morneau would get Minnesota's MVP (and the fact that Mauer doesn't have much power hurts him). If I ranked the MVP it would probably go something like:

1. Sizemore
2. Morneau
3. A-Rod
4. Carlos Quentin
5. Douchelis
6. Mauer
7. Miguel Cabrera
8. Aubrey Huff
9. Josh Hamilton
10. PEDroia

So yeah, the little guy who stopped growing when he was 11 should get some votes, but around 10th place votes. This is totally off the top of my head, other guys like Brian Roberts, Markakis, Dye and others could be in this top 10 discussion. Basically what I'm trying to say is FUCK PEDroia. And then....

Mike (Mpls): Do the voters take into account he ballpark factor when looking at MVP? Pedrois has a big wall 310 feet away in left field to knock doubles off of but if he played in the metrodome, where left field is 343, his numbers would be much worse as evidenced by the fact he has 33 home doubles and 19 away doubles.

Jerry Crasnick: Mike, Dustin Pedroia is hitting .342 with seven homers and 43 RBIs at Fenway, and .309 with 10 homers and 40 RBIs on the road, so I don't buy the premise that he's benefited that greatly from the park in Boston.

God bless Jerry Crasnick, the king of the cherry pick. Feel free, loyal 2 readers to look at PEDroia's true splits here. Apparently AVG, HRs and RBIs are all that matter. Welcome to 1975. PEDroia has 16 2Bs more at home (35 vs 19) and his HOME OPS vs ROAD OPS is .910 vs .827. Sure, OPS+ is supposed to account for where they play, but that's a huge OPS discrepancy. Similarly, Douchelis' HOME OPS is .122 higher than his ROAD OPS. It took me 20 seconds to get all of that, but Jerry doesn't have that kind of time.

Doug (Santa Barbara, CA): Jerry, playing for HFA isn't meaningful? How can you say that not playing a meaningful game will hurt the Angels, and they say the Cubs will be in the World Series? Didn't the Cubs clinch awhile back, too? If you think the Sox are better, that's fine, but that's pretty weak reasoning.

Jerry Crasnick: Doug, It's different scuffling for a playoff spot and playing for home field advantage when you have a 20 game lead in your division. I'm not ruling out the Angels as a World Series candidate, by any means. But that's something I'm sure Mike Scioscia has to be conscious of -- making sure they don't go stale. Plus, they've played an awful lot of games against Texas, Oakland and Seattle this season. That's not exacly the stiffest competition.

Oh Jerry, you sweet ignoramus. Boston was 6-4 against OAK this year (not exactly domination) and they won 3 of those 6 games after OAK gave up on the season. Sure, Seattle sucks, but so does Jerry Crasnick. Except Crasnick actually blows dudes, while Seattle just sucks at the game of baseball---they don't actually give head to guys like Jerry does.

In conclusion, Dustin PEDroia is not as good as people think he is. And I can't believe I'm actually going to be rooting for the Angels in the ALDS. I'm so confused.

Dan Johnson....DAN JOHNSON!

2008-09-09T21:34:00.000-07:00

What a way to finish off a great Tuesday. First, the joy of Tom Brady getting injured on Sunday. This feeling was almost ruined by a dumb Sports Guy calling the hit on Brady dirty. Um, no. I'm so tired of idiots referring to that as a dirty hit. What country are you from you non-football watching terrorists? Sorry, Boston isn't a country, although I wish it were. Leave the union bitches! Anyway, the only person to blame for the hit was the meaningless NE running back who completely fucked Brady over. You had a decent career Tommy boy, but it looks like you'll never match Montana now, what a shame. And I don't even like the 9ers.

So TB should have put Matsuzaka in a bodybag today, but they kept letting him off the hook. Matsuzaka had a typical shitty game, yet didn't give up as many runs as he should have. Obviously his luck won't last forever. The main thing is, after Bay's HR, things looked really bad. Well, until the most overrated closer in baseball came in - Douchelbon. In 1 inning, he gave up 3 absolute shots and of course lost the game. The on ESPN, Karl Ravech and his crew were insinuating that MAYBE Papelbon wasn't loose since Bay hit the go ahead HR with 2 outs in the bottom of the 8th. WTF! Seriously, is there any excuse that can't be made for Boston at this point? I think Tom Brady is out for the season because Larry Johnson of the Chiefs is the evil devil doppleganger of Grand Ma Ma Larry Johnson. Just a theory. ....Idiots.

So here's to you Dan Johnson, a real man of genius. He's to you, guy who got cut by the A's only to come up as a PH months later for the Rays against the #2 gay douchebag in all of baseball (Youkilis is #1, but you already knew that) and hit the game tying HR! Here's to you Dan Johnson, even if you are in part responsible for the A's moving to Fremont!

I concede, even though I'm smarter than you

2008-09-04T21:42:00.000-07:00

Alright, now that football is here, I'm ready to concede. I hate it. But. I. Fucking. Concede. The Boston Red Sox are going to make the playoffs, as much as I hate to admit it. There are 2 good outcomes of this though: 1. They're still the gayest team in baseball. By far. It's a fucking boat race at this point. 2. Their starting pitching sucks ass so bad, my boy from my high school (Doug Davis) would probably be their #2 starter at this point.

So congrats to all Boston fans, you are a fan of the gayest/lamest/most overrated team in baseball, and you will get to watch your team lose in the playoffs. I get to watch my team play XBOX 360 Madden tournaments starting in October.

Now here's the thing, the Red Sox are extremely irrelevant at this point. I don't really even enjoy blogging and talking shit about them anymore....well, that's not completely true, I still enjoy it a little. But they're completely fucking irrelevant at this point. They make the Yankees like able, they make the Yankees seem like a team you would root for, and now Boston has the most overrated list of douchebags ever assembled.

Case in point: On the shark jumping Sportscenter this morning, I saw back to back pieces saying that Dustin Pedroia is a legit MVP candidate and Jacoby Ellsbury should win a Gold Glove because he made 5 good plays in a week. First off, I wish they plugged for Kotsay like this at his peak w/ the A's...best CFer in the last 15 years. At least ESPN has acknowledged that Ellsbury is a horrible hitter, possibly one of the worst in baseball, so now they feel the need to plug his defensive prowess, even though he's just not a very good baseball player. Maybe Boston will realize this next year and find someone who can hit.

Here's the deal w/ Pedroia...sure he now has a 127+ OPS and has been hitting well lately. He'll cool off...trust me. Plus, he's a horrible defensive 2B who gets props for his defense. I've seen him play often and my HS Coaches DiBianca and Campopiano were 10X better defensively than this chick. Ellis is 9 bazillion times better defensively than Ms. Pedroia, yet he gets not props from that hooker Linda Cohn. Pedroia is a bitch, right? If Pedroia wins the MVP, I say we all move to Japan, a place where baseball is still sacred and has meaning.

If Ms. Dustina does win the MVP, it will be the worst AL MVP winner since Zoilo Versalles won the MVP in 1966. 42 Fucking years! And like my boy Zoilo, Pedroia will probably be out of MLB by the time she's 31. Suck it fag! I'm so tired of the Red Sox being force fed down our throats, but I'm looking forward to seeing them get swept in the ALDS when they're forced to pitch Paul Byrd, Tim Wakefield and Daisuke Walkuzaka against the Angels.

At least football is back, I'm looking forward to the Pats losing in Week1 (or 2 at the latest). Bitch ass Brady will get hurt this year, and the Raiders will be better than expected. Book it.

Let's go Oakland!

Fletch's prediction for 2008:

Raiders: 7-9
Niners: 6-10
Gaytriots/Cheaters: 9-7

Gaytriots miss the Playoffs, Brady goes public that he's contracted HIV from David Ortiz and then passed it on to Randy Moss during the preseason, since the gay fucks didn't play and were too busy riding the gay assed bull. Fags.

Godspeed Kotsay

2008-08-29T12:20:00.000-07:00

I honestly feel bad for Mark Kotsay. It's old news now, but I'm fucking busy OK. I actually laughed my ass off when I first heard that Boston got Kotsay from the Braves. First off, how awesome is the Kotsay for Devine deal now? Joey Devine is everything Boston claimed Craig Hansen was (awesome) , or the exact opposite of what Hansen was in reality. In case you were wondering, since Hansen was traded to Pittsburgh, he has pitched 10 innings and has a K/BB ratio of 3/12. Wowsers.

Anyway, back to the fucking point here. I always liked Mark Kotsay and couldn't believe we got him from the Padres for Ramon Hernandez and T Fucking Long after the 2003 season. What a deal. Of course Kotsay's injury risks did come to ring true, but Kotsay was more than I ever expected in 2004. That was the only year that he really did much with his bat, but the guy was hands down the best CF I've ever seen play. The guy was ridiculous. I don't know that he's the same now, since he's had some pretty bad back problems. But the dude could read the ball off the bat like I'd never seen, he didn't even have to dive to make up for bad reads like most of the highly touted CFers. And to sound like some BBTN jerkoff, Kotsay had a "hose"! I just like making fun of baseball "analysts". Kotsay had a ridiculous throwing arm. Imagine the opposite of Coco Crisp really quick...that's Mark Kotsay.

I thought Jacoby Ellsbury was a pussy with a weak arm, then I saw Coco Crisp throw a ball from CF somewhere towards the infield. I think it went about 10 feet in the air before it started rolling slowly. After I stopped laughing 5 minutes later, I made sure that it wasn't Johnny Damon...and nope, Coco sure enough was black, and then I realized that Johnny Damon's bitch ass throwing arm is like 20 times stronger than Crisp's. So after this incoherent analysis that I did in my mind, I finally figured out why Boston traded for Kotsay. They decided it would be bad for them to get laughed at during nationally televised games if they had both Ellsbury and Crisp's women arms in the OF during the same game.

Then Kotsay made his Red Sox debut yesterday. And of course Tito put him in RF, because he wouldn't want to have a strong throwing arm in CF, that would be too smart.

Thanks for the good years in Oakland Mark. I'll always have fond memories of Kotsay in his first couple of years with the A's. I feel bad that such a nice guy had to go to such a shitty place. There is one thing he can do to make this better for me though, just tank the season like Eric Gagne. You will earn a spot in the BHA Hall of Fame for that Mark. And Jamie Kotsay is welcome to come back to Oakland, we'll take her now.

With a lineup that features Kotsay, Ellsbury and Varitek on a regular basis, Boston is certainly fucked. I guess Kotsay is a better hitter than Crisp though, but who the fuck isn't. And I need to find out who the Sportscenter douche is who refers to every former Boston player as a "former Boston great". Really? Brandon Moss is a former great? Really????? And I love hearing that Boston is really deep in Starting Pitching. Really? Yeah, I guess when you are starting guys like Tim Wakefield, David Pauley and Paul Byrd, you're really fucking deep. Wait, actually no, that would be the opposite. If any of those losers makes a start for your team, it actually means you suck.

Finally, the last thought - stop it with this bullshit MVP and Cy Young talk ESPN. In the last 2 days, I've heard people who get paid to talk about sports mention that Dustin Pedroia could win the MVP and Matsuzaka could win the Cy Young. First, Pedroia has a 117 OPS+ and has the range of water fountain, and as of today, Matsuzaka has 743 walks in 100 innings. And he usually hits 100 pitches by the 2nd inning. Seriously people, stop it! You get paid to talk about sports, it would be nice if you knew what the fuck you were talking about.

Clay Buchholz is a Top Prospect

2008-08-20T20:12:00.000-07:00

Man this guy is going to be awesome! Fear not Red Sox Gaytion, Peter Gammons claimed this guy would be one of the best pitchers of this era, so he's gun-a be dammit! Yee-haw!

Wow, Gay Buttholes is claiming a whole new level of suckitude. No one in the world has gotten hit this hard since Tina Turner circa 1975. I love how 1 no-hitter made this guy the next hot shot. I think he's now made 18 starts in his MLB career, and probably 2 of them have been good.

Looking at how horrible Clay Buttholes is, I was reminded of an old painful memory for us A's fans - Todd Van Poppel. The A's were in the midst of 3 straight dominate years where they reached the World Series. Also, in 2 out of these 3 years Dave Stewart owned Roger Clemens like we've never seen before or again. Boston was (and still is) the A's bitch. Then the A's get the 14th pick in the 1990 draft (after winning the WS) and the biggest can't miss prospect of all time falls to them since everyone assumed he was going to the gay assed Texas Longhorns (very close to Clay Bucholz only Clay wasn't good enough to pitch for U of T).

Anyway, the stats are quite hilarious at this point, especially since many consider Todd to the Van P to be the greatest bust of all time. Well, this might be the greatest bust, but that's beside the point. So let's take a look at the stats as of age 23...

Clay Buchholz

Year	Ag	W	L	G	GS	CG	SHO	IP	H	ER	HR	BB	SO	IBB	ERA	WHIP
+----	--	+---	+---	+---	+---	+---	+---	+------	+----	+----	+---+	----	+----	-+---+	+----	-+----
2007	22	3	1	4	3	1	1	22.7	14	4	0	10	22	0	1.59	1.06
2008	23	2	9	16	15	1	0	76	93	57	11	41	72	1	6.75	1.76
2 Yr	WL	5	10	20	18	2	1	98.7	107	61	11	51	94	1	5.56	1.60

Todd Van Poppel

Year	Ag	W	L	G	GS	CG	SHO	IP	H	ER	HR	BB	SO	IBB	ERA *	WHIP
+---	---	+---	+---	+---	+---	+---	+---	------	+----+	+----	+---+	----+	----	+---	+-----	+-----
1991	19	0	0	1	1	0	0	4.7	7	5	1	2	6	0	9.64	1.93
1993	21	6	6	16	16	0	0	84	76	47	10	62	47	0	5.04	1.64
1994	22	7	10	23	23	0	0	116.7	108	79	20	89	83	2	6.09	1.69
1995	23	4	8	36	14	1	0	138.3	125	75	16	56	122	1	4.88	1.31
4 Yr Total		17	24	76	54	1	0	343.7	316	206	47	209	258	3	5.39	1.53

Their #s are actually equally bad, which is great news for Chowderheads. Don't count on Gay B to become the superstar you hope for. Van Poppel was actually better at age 23 (by a lot) than Buchholz, and Gay Clay has nowhere to go but down (he actually probably does that a lot w/ Varitek - that's super!). Homos. The thing about Van Poppel was he didn't cry while he was on the mound. Buchholz, like his "boy" Jon Lester, is a bit of a Nancy Boy and likes to shed a tear while on the mound. Meeeee. Douche.

I actually saw this band called "Black Fag" open up for Me First & The Gimme Gimmes, and I'm pretty sure Clay is the lead singer. Or the catcher. Or whatever. Or as he would say "whatevs".
Get your golf clubs ready Boston.

Also, this just in....Hideki Irabu (aka Upperdecki Irabu) can officially party with us. He is now in my top 10 heroes. Read it son!

Brian Giles - Smartest man in the world

2008-08-08T14:47:00.000-07:00

God bless Brian Giles. He is what every baseball player should strive to be. He is not a douchebag.
I want to commend you for your testicular fortitude or some shit like that Brian. I know have a huge amount of respect for you. So tonight, I will toast you with a Chimay, an Arrogant Bastard and maybe even a Racer 5 IPA. I might even toast with many others, but I'm hurting today from Thursday Happy Hour at The Edison. 35 cent gin martini for starters! Jesus. $4.50 chimays and $4 Knob Creek's on the rocks?! Good god brother. Good fucking times.

Anyway, this one's for you Mr. Giles. Thank you for pissing on the Red Sox and all of their fans by vetoing a trade. We love you here at BHA. This was the smartest decision ever, and proves my point that most people would never want to play in Boston (if you take away the overpaying Boston does for people). Enjoy the good life here in SoCal....Brian Giles is the latest member of MENSA.

And guess what Boston...you still fucking suck.

Brian Giles - 1
Boston - 0

Eat a dick.

The disease is spreading to LA

2008-08-01T08:41:00.000-07:00

I'm not reporting news here, everyone already knows that Manny is going to the Dodgers and Bay to Boston. The deal is done dude. But, I think we were all surprised that this happened since even Gammons didn't know it was going down during the trade deadline countdown show. Maybe people don't tell shit to Gammons anymore.

All I know is the Red Sox gave up a shitload to get rid of Manny. Since the Dodgers had already given up on Andy LaRoche anyway, this deal seems great for them. Boston gives up Manny, pays his salary and throws in 2 "prospects" to give Pittsburgh to make them happy and they get Bay in return? Pittsburgh did a good job of adding some younger talent, but I honestly think the only reason anyone knows who Craig Hansen and Brandon Moss are is because they play for Boston. Any other team and we'd say "WHO???? HAAAHHHUUUU???" I've said it 8 billion times before, but even though he's hyped, Craig Hansen sucks ass. Maybe going to an inferior league will be good for him, since he won't have to pitch to too many good hitters. He still sucks though. Brandon Moss is like a 5th outfielder, so maybe the Pirates need some dude to make sure there's enough water in the buckets, etc. He's basically a poor man's Bobby Kielty, and no that's not a fucking compliment.

Boston was basically being held ransom by the dreadlock clown, so I guess they should be happy to get Jason Bay. But it is funny how much they gave up. Do I feel sorry for them? No fucking way, those douches deserve worse than this. I do want to high five Manny for being such a bitch about this and forcing Theo's hand. I just find it funny that once the deal was "official", all of the ESPN pro-Boston douchebags had to rationalize this that it was actually great for Boston. I really don't think it was. But thanks for doing that Manny! Gammons and others said things like "Well, their numbers are basically the same". That might be so right now, but I wouldn't count on Bay putting up Manny's #s for the last 2 months of the season. Yes, Bay is younger and cheaper which is great. Also, all indications are that he's not a complete douchebag like Manny. But still, going to play for 2 months in Boston in front of the biggest clownbase in the country is not easy. Just ask Carl Everett. Jason Bay is white (like me!) so he does have that going for him. But I wonder how long we'll have to wait til we see the fans at Fenway boo him. 1 week? 2 weeks? Once Boston is something like 5 or 6 games back, will they boo everyone? Probably.

I honestly think this move means the Red Sox will be in the same place as the A's come October...hanging out at Crogan's. What, you thought I'd say playing golf? These guys don't know how to golf. Varitek doesn't like to swing a club since he's worried his dress will fly in the air. What sucks for me is I live about 5 minutes from Dodger Stadium, so now I'm a stones throw from Manny way too often. I just hope the air doesn't bring the smell over here.

One last thing: Some ESPN douche on yesterday was basically ripping LA (read: California) in general. Saying now Manny can do what ever he wants since there is no intensity out here. You know what fuck-o, you can fuck off! Honestly, anyone with talent (in anything - finance, entertainment, etc) who is from the Boston area moves out - either to LA/SF or NY.

Question: Who the fuck would want to stay in Boston if you had any upward mobility?
Answer: No ONE!

I'm so sick of hearing this bullshit. Go ahead and be happy for the rest of your days, rotting in Bristol, CT douchebag, you have no idea what you're missing out here. Its called the good life. And while the A's are having a rough time, and probably won't draw a decent # of fans til the move, LA, SF and the LAAMonkeys don't have trouble drawing fans. And its ridiculous to say that there's no intensity in LA. While I hate the Dodgers, their fans and Dodger stadium, go to a game there - its pretty fucking intense. Especially all the homeboys out in the bleachers. They'll cut ya bitch. Their words, not mine.....

Part of me wishes Manny had stayed in Boston and tanked it for the last 2 months, just to give Boston a big FUCK YOU.

AL Playoff teams as I see it now: LAMonkeys, TB Ray, NY Yankees and Minnesota Twins. I just hate the White Sox and Ozzie Guillen too much to pick them. And Griffey? Really? That's a great fix...38 year old CF? Fuckin A.

A's in 2010 or 2011.

Yankee Killer: A Definition

2008-07-31T10:20:00.001-07:00

Like many of you, I'm constantly bombarded with all of this information from East Coast media outlets, making up ridiculous terms and then appointing people to those positions. As I watched the Angels vs Red Sox game yesterday, I remembered how many people on Boston are referred to as "Yankee Killers". So, since I have a laptop right by my new 42" Samsung, I thought "What the Fuck, I want to know what this really means." I mean, it sounds cool, right? A Yankee killer must be some outlaw from the Alabama that is sent to the north to kill all Yankees who followed Honest Abe....right?

In the past Yankees fans were obnoxious, but they have been quickly passed by Boston fans on the obnoxiousness scale, one that I just invented. Anyway, I've been to a game at Fenway but I've never been to Yankee Stadium (unfortunately). Also, it doesn't look like I'll be able to make it there this year, so I suck.

So here is what Wikipedia has to say about a Yankee Killer.

A Yankee Killer is a Major League Baseball player, typically a pitcher, who has a reputation for being able to defeat the New York Yankees on a regular basis. The term dates back at least to Johnny Podres, the famed Brooklyn Dodgers pitcher who in 1955 led the team to its first World Series Championship against the seemingly invincible New York Yankees.

So I thought about what pitcher is currently claimed to be the biggest Yankee killer and I went to look up his stats. By looking at his stats versus the Yankees, I was able to find out the true definition of a Yankee killer, in statistical terms. Here is what it is (regular season stats), in case you were wondering:

vs NYY: 12 GS, 7-4, 74.1IP, 81H, 44ER, 29BB, 59K, 5.33ERA, 1.48 WHIP

I'll give you 10 seconds to guess, do you know who this is????

C'mon, try.....

Got it?

Here's the splits. And then here is his career stats.

God I love Baseball Reference, it gives you a chance to prove stupid stuff people say wrong. Now, I'll admit this is only regular season, but if someone has 2 great starts in the Postseason against Team X, does that really make him a Team X Killer? Fuck no it doesn't.

Fuck it, can we refer to him as an A's Killer from now on too? Here's his phenomenal #s against our A's, a team that honestly hasn't been able to hit for a couple of years:

5 GS, 2-3, 31.1 IP, 31H, 17ER, 11BB, 27K, 4.88 ERA, 1.34 WHIP

It's funny looking at his career splits, he for the most part only has good/great #s against shitty teams. While I think he's talented and has a couple of good pitches, at this point I think its safe to say that 2007 was kind of a fluke. His ERA+ right now is 106 versus 145 last year. It looks like he might not even be in the postseason this year (hopefully) or else maybe his postseason #s would regress closer to the mean.

He kinda seems like a Redneck hick douchebag anyway, so I don't feel sorry for him that he got completely rocked by the Angels yesterday....that game was funny as hell. Swept by the Angels in Fenway? Wow, that's some funny shit. I just hope the A's can win 1 or 2 in Fenway this weekend, although at this point I'm not really counting on it.

Jon Lester is not your Rushmore

2008-07-28T08:57:00.000-07:00

Thank god, the fucking Yankees vs Red Sox series is finally over! Its just too bad the Yankees didn't sweep the bitches from Boston. More typical Boston BS, Manny is trying to take over Youkilis' title of the "Greek God of Whining". The 1st game was great and the Red Sox got their asses handed to them in game 2. However, the idiot fans at Fenway were acting like they were going for a sweep last night....dumbasses. God these fans are the dumbest in baseball. At least that's something we can count on. Anyway, after watching this season, I'm going to make a prediction----the Yankees will finish 2008 ahead of the Red Sox (I'm sure I'll get shit if I'm wrong, but I won't worry about that). The Yankees are only 2 GB and their best pitcher has been out for most of the season. I mean c'mon, should the Red Sox really be stoked that they just beat Sidney Ponson? I sure as hell wouldn't be proud if I just beat the Aruba Bad Boy.

So anyway, I loved how Steve-o Phillips and the rest of the crew were praising Jon Lester and then he went on to get hammered in the 5th, although he wound up getting lucky and gave up only 2. First off, they talked like he's awesome and he's really not that good. Let's wait and see what his #s look like at the end of the year, I'm sure they won't be as good as they are now. I've seen him pitch plenty of times and he's not very impressive. Then they go on to say Varitek says Lester is only at 60% this year of what he will be in the future. What the who? Hummminahh....heeeyyyyyy? Um, probably not Roiditek, but I guess when you can't hit worth a shit now that the juice is gone, you have to make outlandish comments. Varitek says that in 2 years, Lester will probably be the BEST LHP in baseball! Now this is just getting fucking ridiculous.

So I looked in my crystal ball and here's a list of LHP (starters) that will be better than Lester in 2 years. If this blog is still around in 2 years (if I'm not tired of all the cash this gold mine makes), we can check back and see:

1. Cole Hamels - If I were Cole, next time I saw Varitek (I guess if I happened to be at "Stud" or one of the other bars Varitek frequents) I'd slap him in the face. Then I'd tell him how ridiculous he looks wearing a pink boa and leather chaps. And then I'd throw up. Does anyone honestly think if Philly called up Theo Epstein and offered Hamels for Lester straight up that Epstein would need more than 1/2 second to say yes? Fuck no. God fuck no. Holy fucking jesus. This is stupid. Cole Hamels flosses his teeth w/ Jon Lester. Whatever the fuck that means.

2. Johan Santana - This is the easiest thing I've ever done. I can probably reach 50 people, but I will be tired by then and quit. Johan will be 31 in 2 years (same as me!), and Lester will be 26 (but since he grew up in the Tri-Cities in WA, that's like 39 years old for civilization due to all of the radiation he's been exposed to). Is Varitek really so dumb that he thinks Lester will be better than Johan? God I hope not.

3. CC Sabathia - Really? Does anyone doubt this? I guess in 2010 its possible that CC might become bored with being awesome every day of the week, and he might try to become the biggest professional golfer in history, if he can find plaid pants and a crooked visor in his size. But honestly, what are the odds Lester will be better than CC is 2 goddam years? 0.07%? CC goes deep in the games, can dominate, doesnt' go through extremely wild stretches and I've never seen him cry on the mound. These aren't things I can say for Lester.

4. John Danks - The dude is a year younger and this one is less of a slam dunk than the 1st 3. But honestly, Danks has been better than Lester this year at the age of 23. He wasn't good last year, but neither was Lester. Plus, Danks doesn't seem like a bitch. I'm pretty Varitek pitches and Lester catches.....hey-o!...

5. Joe Saunders - I actually think Joe Saunders is one of the most overrated pitchers in baseball and I also think he sucks. But I think the same things about Lester. Saunders just sucks less.

6. Greg Smith - he's shown brilliance in his 1st year and also had some pretty bad outings. He keeps his cool though (unlike that other guy) and he looks like he'll have great control in a year or two. He pitched a gem that I was at in Anaheim and should develop well in the Oakland system.

7. Jonathan Sanchez - Still needs to develop but looks way more dominant. Jonathan Sanchez just like drinking beers and striking bitches out.

8. Manny Parra - Jason Kendall knows what I'm talking about. Wait, fuck Jason Kendall! Moving on...

9. Paul Maholm - Positive: Doesn't cry in public, doesn't whine to umps if they call a pitch a ball and he wanted it to be a strike. Negatives: He pitches for the Pirates, and he was drafted 15 picks before THIS GUY, a can't miss prospect who I've been told will hit 50+ HRs per year every year and is a 1st ballot HOF. I mean, he's already got 2 HRs in 97 ABs, so at least he's got that going for him.

10. Cliff Lee - I didn't really want to put him on here, but who am I kidding, even Cliff Lee will be better than Lester in 2 years. Who knows where he'll be pitching in 2010, but one thing is for certain: he'll be laughing at all the BS press Lester got from ESPN while Lester is in AAA in 2010.

11. THIS GUY. Just a bonus #11. He was 5'8" at the age of 12/14 and he married a cougar 3 years ago. The sky is the limit I tell you. Big things.

So basically Jon Lester is an overrated product of the ESPN/Boston machine. Check back in 2 years. There will probably be an additional 10 LHPs who are better, but I got tired of putting names down.

Jason Varitek wears dresses

2008-07-21T22:40:00.000-07:00

So, the Mariners completely blew opportunities today and lost to AIDS 4-0. In case you were wondering, Jason Varitek is still a pussy and still wears a dress at all times. What is the fascination with this guy? Jonathan Pappebon pitches and Varitek catches. Get it? They're fags! They're totally gay! Brilliant! Most people aren't sharp enough to catch that. You are dammit!

So anyway, its always interesting to look at what Varitek has done post steroids. Answer: Not fucking much. Check out his stats from 2006-2008 (the post PED/HGH era for our boy, the guy who wears a "C" on his dress and apron).

OK, so looking at happy candy time 1997-2005 and post-happy time 2006-2008, we get some interesting #s. And its definitely true, since Patton Oswalt said so! And if you don't think that's funny, you're a douchebag.

Candy Time: 965G, 3178 ABs, 433 R, 865 H, 119 HR, 488 RBI, 360 BB, 693K, .272/.353/.456
Post-Candy: 314G, 1062 ABs, 123 R, 254 H, 36 HR, 151 RBI, 146 BB, 243 K, .239/.338/.395

This is almost as ridiculous as looking at Trot Nixon's splits. The white poster boy of Red Sox Gaytion. I mean looking back now, its almost hilarious. Its like a Dave Attell Midget joke. I challenge you to look at Trot's career from 2000-2003 and tell me he wasn't a roider. You'll be wrong, but feel free to try. And yet, since he was from the south, a good white red neck who probably couldn't even read, he was the heart and "soul" of Red Sox Gaytion. In the words of Stiffler, congrats "Fuckers!".

So that's 2. You know who else should be on that list of cheaters at #3 but isn't since the investigation was done by a Red Sox official? I've detailed it 8 billion times, but if you said THIS GUY you're right! Good work son. Btw. his current injuries even make it 99.9999% positive that he's a roider, but Red Sox Gaytion is so dumb they don't want to believe it. He'll never be Mark McGwire, one of the greatest hitters of all time who was scorned for doing the same or less roids that this fag.

Btw. I hate to say it now and I was going to make a statement later when it was closer and my risk averse ass could make a solid bet, but I'm predicting that by August, the Yankees will pass Boston in the standings. Its for a variety of reasons, but mainly because Papelbon and Varitek are both flaming homos. That's pretty much it.

IS ROIDITEK SO GOOD THAT MASTERSON WALKED IN A RUN RIGHT NOW? GAY!

Orel Douchiser

2008-07-21T17:20:00.000-07:00

So I'm watching the Monday night game (Cardinals vs Brewers on ESPN) and everything was fine until Orel Hershiser opened his goddam mouth. The topic of conversation was about Francisco Liriano and how his agent is going to file some charges since he's dominating AAA or some shit and the Twins won't call him up to the bigs! Blasphemy! We need a midget in the booth ASAP to start dancing and cut the tension!

Anyway, Steve Phillips chimes in that in baseball you have to constantly prove yourself and blah biddy blah biddy blah. Wait what? Yeah, he said blabbidy blah. Anyway Orel the Oral talks about how he won some bullshit minor league award in 1983 and came in to spring training thinking he would crack the rotation. It sounds like he didn't make it in spring training, but while he was eating 4 sandwhiches, Tommy Lasorda told Orel that he'd only be in Albuquerque for a little while. Then Orel goes on to say that he was there basically the whole year, and he had a great year!

Really Orel? Great? Check out Orel's career stats (including minor leagues). In 1983, we find out that the definition of a great year in AAA is:

49 Games (10 GS), 10-8 (W-L), 134.1IP, 132H, 61 ER, 16HR, 57BB, 95K, 4.09ERA, 1.41 WHIP

He wasn't even a full time start in AAA! Jesus fucking christ these mormons (or Amish or whatever he is) are fucking clowns. Look, I know Orel went on to have a really good career and I still hate him more than Steve Urkell and that homo in Transformers combined, but its not like he was setting the world on fire in AAA Albuquerque.

Then look at the 1983 LA Dodgers. Sure, nowadays the Dodgers are a total joke and they are actually the only team in MLB that employs a clown as their GM. Its kind of awkward to see him in the ownership box w/ those big assed shoes and that crazy rainbow wig, but its real. Back in the 70s and 80s, they were actually good! Who knew right?!

Essentially their 5 man rotation was this (w/ Rick Honeycut making 9 starts on the year)
1. Fernando - 15-10, 96 ERA+
2. Jerry Reuss - 12-11, 122 ERA+
3. Bob Welch - 15-12, 136 ERA+
4. Burt Hooton - 9-8, 85 ERA+
5. Alejandro Pena - 12-9, 131 ERA+

And the 1983 Dodgers won their division, but lost to the Phillies 3-1 in the NLCS. Does Orel really think he should have made this team and been in the rotation? It took me 2 minutes to look all of this up.

The moral of this story, however, is that even 20 years after 1988, Orel Hershiser is still a total douchebag. Bag tag. And I was at Game 5 in the right field bleachers w/ my pops, so fuck off Orel.

Smash some fruit you sonofabitch!

2008-07-19T10:28:00.000-07:00

Alright, we're in start #2 of the Gallagher era in Oakland. He's pitching in Yankee stadium today, and just had an interesting 1st inning that included walking Abreu and Giambi but striking out A-Rod and Posada.

So if you're as creative as the BHA crew (read: not much) or if you always wanted to be cool like us and have a cause to dedicate yourself to, we're calling all Gallaghers! We need a Gallagher fan club started in Oakland, and I'd prefer to get people out there in Gallagher jerseys (if you want a new A's jersey) and it would be even better if we get people dressed up as either the original Gallagher or Chappelle's Black Gallagher. I leave this decision up you, I personally am a big Black Gallagher fan. I've included a couple of pictures to help give you motivation.

So get out there and smash some fruit you black son of a bitch!

A few other notes: The A's did not look good yesterday against a 75 year old Mike Mussina and his wheelchair. Ugly UGLY 7-1 loss. Greg Smith walked 5 and did not look like the Greg Smith I saw throw a complete gem in Anaheim. Maybe Yankee stadium threw him off, he is still really young.

At this point, I think we all know the A's aren't getting past the Angels, so I might as well root for team I hate most #2 against team I hate most MOST! Fuck Boston. I hate the Angels too, but come on. So it was humorous to see the LA Monkeys completely dominate Boston. In case you were wondering (or didn't believe me the 1st 87 times I told you), Clay Buchholz is garbage. Another product of the Boston hype machine, and overrated prospect who won't amount to shit. He got hammered once again and is now 2-5 with a 5.88 ERA and a 1.71 WHIP. Oh wait, but he threw a no hitter once! Yeah, so did Wilson FUCKING Alvarez, so what's your point douchebag? And that Jacoby Ellsbury guy is really awesome too! (.266/.336/.370 - 86 OPS+). I hope Francona stays in his coma on the bench and keeps Ellsbury in the leadoff spot. Douche.

End of the mini-Big Three era

2008-07-18T08:55:00.000-07:00

OK, in late 2006, we finally said good bye to the final piece of the Big Three. I wrote about it here. Now, with the trade of Joe Blanton to the Phillies, the mini-Big Three (or Big Three part deux since Joe is not mini by any means) is officially done. Just for kicks, let's look back at what the mini-Big Three (Haren, Harden and Blanton) did in an A's uniform and then we can take a quick look at the originals (Huddy, Mulder and Zito).

Looking back, it sure would have been nice if Forst/Beane could have traded Blanton right after he traded Harden, a time when Blanton's value was at an all time high. We see what has happened since then and it ain't good. Here's a look at the 3 guys we got from Philly, if you're interested. Btw. anyone have any idea why Beane is now hording average middle infielders? Is that the current commodity that's under priced in baseball? Why did we draft Weeks again? Why not a power hitter?

Speaking of which (one quick aside) - one of idiots on Baseball Tonight (I forget which former Latin player it was, all of those guys employed at ESPN sucked as big leaguers) said the Sexson signing was a good move by the Yankees because he will provide protection for A-Rod. There's really no risk here for the Yankees, I think the signing was the right move, but this idiot went on to say that A-Rod is the ONLY power hitter in the Yankees lineup, since Jeter is no longer a power hitter. I think a certain mustache wearing masked avenger in 261 might have a problem with that statement. I mean the guy has 19 HRsABs and his line is .253/.386/.529. I don't know, it kind of seems like he still might have some POWER.

Here is an ugly attempt at a table that shows what the original Big Three did for the A's.

		W	L	GS	IP	H	ER	HR	BB	SO	ERA	WHIP
Mark Mulder	OAK	81	42	150	1003	990	437	99	298	668	3.92	1.284
Tim Hudson	OAK	92	39	183	1241	1134	455	94	382	899	3.30	1.222
Barry Zito	OAK	102	63	222	1430	1228	564	148	560	1096	3.55	1.250

Big Three Total		275	144	555	3674	3352	1456	341	1240	2663	3.57	1.250

Now, the 2nd coming of the Big Three, although 1 of those pieces (Joe Blanton) was certainly less flashy than any of the other 5 guys.

	Tm	W	L	GS	IP	H	ER	HR	BB	SO	ERA	WHIP
Dan Haren	OAK	43	34	102	663	650	268	81	153	531	3.64	1.212
Rich Harden	OAK	36	19	89	542	442	206	41	232	523	3.42	1.244
Joe Blanton	OAK	47	46	118	761	810	359	69	202	431	4.25	1.331

Big Three 2		126	99	309	1965	1902	833	191	587	1485	3.815	1.267

I feel bad for Joe. Since this is the path we were going down, I just wish we could have unloaded him last offseason, when teams like the Dodgers were interested. Teams that really could have helped us in the form of prospects. For now, it looks like we've got a middle infielder and a couple of spare parts to tell jokes on the bus rides to and from Stockton.

Some interesting notes: from the original Big Three, the only one who hasn't been a complete disaster for his new team is Huddy, although he was terrible in 2006 but he's bounced back. He was my favorite of those guys (although I liked them all). Dan Haren is probably having the best year so far but he's on a pretty average team. It must remind him of pitching for the A's.

Its also interesting to note that all 6 of these guys wound up in the NL. No real shock there (only Zito even had a choice of where he went), but there's 2 in the NL East, 2 in the NL Central and 2 in the West. Weird how that worked out. Both groups did well in Oakland, but the originals had more time to put up #s.

I wish Joe the best, just like all of the others. Well, I'm actually pretty pissed off at Rich Harden, and was hoping his quote was taken out of context, but there's no fucking context necessary! Thanks for shitting on us Rich, enjoy Chicago, where next time you make a bad start they'll boo you off the mound. Anyway, I hope Joe helps the Phillies beat the Mets again. Omar Minaya is a tool and Mister Met has the clap.

When are A's fans going to wake up and start supporting this team? I try to do my part and I live in fucking LA. I go to games basically every time I'm in the Bay Area. I'm tired of assholes like Karl Ravech taking shots at the attendance in Oakland on ESPN. Hopefully things will turn around in the next couple of years and people will regain their excitement.

I haven't seen any word on who will be called up to fill Joe's spot yet, but I'm guess we should give Gio Gonzalez a warm welcome to Oakland. Welcome to Oakland young blood...

Invasion of Anaheim

2008-07-12T11:03:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone really care, but as promised I'm posting some pics of last week's invasion of Anaheim. The game was on Monday June 30th, and this is when a good friend hooked the lady friend and I up with the best tickets I've ever seen. Greg Smith completely dominated the Monkeys, needing only 101 pitches for the complete game ownage. And Monkey fans cried all throughout the OC. Ironically, no one was seen crying in The 'Bu.

Without further f you....

Here's Fletch's (that's me!) view as taken by Mrs. Fletch. I'm telling you, these suites are at field level, its ridiculous. The best part was that Chavy, Crosby and others were stoked to see me sitting in one of the high dollar Monkeys' boxes. Monkeys box? Wow, that shit is probably infected a la Curt Schilling. AIDS. Boo! Anyway, I was there, and didn't get shit from the Monkeys fans.

A little Pre-game shot of the lineup swap. Could Fat Mike and Geren look any more confused? Douchebags. I love how the A is almost right above Fat Mike's head, since Fat MIke is an Asshole and all. Funny aside, they showed Game 1 of the 88 World Series on ESPN Classic a few days ago, and since I love punishment, I watched it. Fat Mike was literally 80 pounds lighter than he is now. Alfredo Griffin has not been seen lately...coincidence?

Seriously, stop looking at the ump's ass. He's been working out. Anyway, I was surprised to see that when you see Chone Figgins up close, he actually is 4'8" 75 lbs and he's got bells on his cleats. And his bat was one of those paper cones that cotton candy comes up. He's in the lower left of this picture, but you're going to need a magnifying glass to see him. I've also hear that he can carry 5000 times his own weight! Yowsers.

So Mrs. Fletch has a thing for Bobby Crosby, I think she thought he was Brad Pitt or something. I told her to tell him to hit 30+ HRs this year, but she didn't listen to me. I think Crosby liked it when I yelled out "Long Beach in the house", but then I realized I didn't actually yell it out loud. LBC son! That's it for the pictures, I've got a bunch more with me in them, but since I'm a superhero I need my identity to remain somewhat unknown. At the end of the game Suzuki was hanging out talking to a bunch of his Fullerton buddies. Good times!

For those keeping score, as I write this Rich Harden has gone 4.2 innings, given up 2 hits and 2 BBs and has 9 Ks vs the Giants and his pitch count is only at 68. Wowsers. On the bright side, watch for the BHA crew at an A's game near you soon, w/ new Gallagher jerseys and dressed as Gallagher. Who's bringing the watermelons and mallets?

Stupid Headlines

2008-07-03T11:58:00.000-07:00

Ok, so after a big win on Monday, the A's fell apart in the last 2 games vs the Monkeys. Well, the A's bullpen basically fell apart (Thanks A Embree and Foulkin Keith Foulke). Then I read this headline on ESPN! What the fuck!

Saunders shuts down A's

Really? Saunders shut the A's down? Really? I was at this game in Anaheim, a place that is far too kid friendly, for anyone who hasn't been there. Jesus, since it was a day game every fucking camp in the OC was there. Kids everywhere! Essentially I was in hell yesterday. After the game I was at this great Whiskey bar in Downtown LA (where I recently moved), and I was lamenting with a friend that Downtown LA and Orange County are about as opposite as 2 places could be. On one hand, one place is really cool has some cool places to go and is pretty exciting. The only downside of this place are hipster douchebags. The other place is all families, stupid kid entertainment, a bunch of trust fund babies who have fake orange tans and sound like douchebags when they cheer at a baseball game, since they don't really understand baseball. Oh yeah, this place also has wannabe orange hipster douchebags, which are 10 times worse than actual hipster douchebags. I'll let you figure out which is which.

Anyway, enough of my tangent - so I was at the game and the 2 SPs lines are pretty representative of their performance:

Eveland - 5.2IP, 4H, 3ER, 1BB, 4Ks, 52 game score
Saunders - 6.1 IP, 6H, 4R (2ER), 2BB, 5Ks, 52 game score

They essentially pitched the same game. I honestly think Geren should have left Eveland in, and the A's most likely would have finished the 6th with the lead in tact. Anyway, I challenge anyone who watched the game or even looks at Saunders line to convince me that Saunders shut the A's down. I was there. He did not. Saunders did not look sharp, and Geren put the worst lineup in the history of baseball out there. At least that's what my buddy and I said when we saw the lineup announced for the A's. Wow.

Anyway Keith Foulke totally fucked up and looked extremely hittable. As soon as I saw him come in, I commented to my buddy KN that - "This is not going to be good." I'll admit, I've hated Foulke since he sold out to Boston, and never liked him this year, but I enjoyed his early success and thought it was an amazing comeback by him. But let's be honest, the dude is done. He was hitting about 85 with his fastball and his change up was 81/82. We both commented on each pitch that we weren't sure if he just threw a fastball or change. That's bad. Really fucking bad. The game was a complete bullpen meltdown, and then I had to deal w/ idiot Angels fans when we left. They take winning graciously for the most part, but there are plenty of OC douchebags who don't know what the hell is going on. Anyway, this game really pissed me off, the only bright side was the 21 ounce Bud Light you can find for $6.50 if you look hard enough. A true baseball bargain.

On to happier news. The Rays swept the Red Sox. I was watching it at the whiskey bar downtown from when the Rays were down 4-1 in the 7th. Good stuff. as bad as our bullpen looks currently, as least we don't have Bostons bullpen. I love how a lot of experts still say Boston is probably the top team in baseball, I just don't see it. 3.5 game lead over Boston! Wow.

Check the box score. Matsuzaka is basically worthless. Sure his #s look ok, but it seems like almost every game he hits 100 pitches by the 5th. He walked 5 in this game, which seems to be pretty normal for him at this point. He's averaging 5 1/3 per start, that ain't gonna get it done. Half of his starts (7) have been 5 innings or less. Suck it Daisuke!

I loved seeing the outings by the 2 guys who I've always said are overrated - Delcarmen and Hansen. I honestly don't think Craig Hansen is a ML pitcher, he's awful and has been highly touted by clowns like Gammons and the like for years. He was supposed to be some hot shot closer out of college, but he sucks ass.

Delcarmen - 0IP, 3 H, 3ER
Hansen - 0IP, 1H, 3ER, 2BB

That's awesome. Good work guys. Now Boston is 50-37 and the A's are 45-39 (a difference of 3.5 games). That's pretty good for Boston, considering their payroll is something like 8.5 billion times greater than the A's. I can't wait to see the All star selection show and how stupid the AL team is going to look. This guy shouldn't even be playing in the majors anymore, and out of 14 AL catchers who have 150+ ABs, he is probably the 13th best hitter. His OPS+ is 74. 70 fucking 4 people! And he has struck out to end the game 199 times so far this year. That's crazy! Yet at last count, he was #2 in the voting. Way to go America. Douchebags.

King Mike?

2008-07-02T09:46:00.000-07:00

Alright, thanks to Alan Embree, we are currently tied at 1 game to 1 for the series in Anaheim, with game 3 starting in a few hours. I'm heading down to Anaheim soon, once I get some road sodas. Anyway, a couple of friends sent me this story so I figured I'd link it and make a quick comment.

Read here to find out why you love Michael Inoa.

My thoughts on that signing (although I don't want to jinx it) - if our cheap assed A's are willing to give a 16-year old Dominican kid a $4.25M signing bonus (when they wouldn't even meet Smoak's demands a few years ago), this kid must be special. When I was 16, Ghostriding hadn't even been invented. I wonder if we could send a car to the DR to get this kid to Ghostride?

This story made my day. God bless the Dominican Republic. If I could say one thing to Theo Epstein or Brian Cashman, I would quote the great Chappelates and say "Gotcha Bitch!".

Let's go A's...win this fucking series. I'm talking to you Eveland! Do this! I've got shitty seats for today's game, since that's how I roll.

IABFORH

2008-06-26T21:07:00.001-07:00

I'm A Big Fan Of Rich Harden. Serious. Fucking A.

Dick Harden fucking went off today on the Phillies. If Rich Harden pitched for Boston, girls in Marlboro Mass would get tattoos that read "Dick Harden" above their snatch. They would start referring to a "shot and a beer" simply as a "Rich Harden". Lowlifes at the trailer parks who had illegitimate kids today in Boston would force their baby's mamas to name the kid Hahden O'Malley. Crazy shit like that would be happening. They'd start selling his jerseys with Maple Leafs on em, you know, since he's a Canadian and all. However, almost silently Rich Harden is putting up ridiculous #s so far this year. (Same with Dookie by the way). The A's starting rotation has been pretty awesome so far this year, but check out what their top 2 (#s wise have done so far):

Rich Harden - 11 GS, 5-0, 67 IP, 47H, 16 ER, 5 HR, 26BB, 83K, 2.15 ERA, 1.09 WHIP
Justin "Dookie" Duchscherer - 12GS, 8-4, 77IP, 57H, 17ER, 4HR, 18BB, 51K, 1.99ERA, 0.97 WHIP

Sweet Jesus! Those are some fucking ridiculous numbers so far. Hard to believe Harden's game today was his career high for K's - 11. Its also good to see CarGon getting on track, w/ his 2nd ML HR. Yes, CarGon is what I'm going to call him, whether you like it or not. I suggest you do the same. Keep in mind CarGon is only 22, so this guy still has time to be a star.

I also conducted a survey at my house, and 100% (2-out-of-2) of Americans think Alan Embree is still a douchebag. Sorry Alan, surveys don't lie. A fucking triple to Pat "Wheels" Burrell in the 9th? Are you on fucking crack?!

Next up is the Giants in Oakland. Anything less than a sweep will be a disappointment. I'm expecting to see the Anti-Blez in Oakland with a broom! Btw. I got sweet seats for June 30th in Anaheim, I'm going to own some bitch ass Monkeys fans.

A friend of mine sent in this suggestion (personally, I think its brilliant)...

I would get a white t shirt and a sharpie and write "Mike Scioscia to me is like a piece of garbage. I don't care if I get in trouble. He can go to hell. -- " on it. --Jose Guillen

Here's the original story that Guillen quote came from. I honestly forgot how awesome Jose Guillen is.. after reading that story again, that dude is dope.

Joe Morgan's worst nightmare

2008-06-25T09:40:00.000-07:00

I love to see games like this. We know Joe Morgan doesn't. No "manufacturing runs", no "giving away outs", not many "hits???". Wait, what?

The A's had absolutely nothing going through the first 6 innings. They were only down 1-0, but they've always had problems against soft-tossing lefties and what I like to call "shitty lefties". Jamie Moyer is the definition of this guy.

Well, all the A's were doing was waiting around for a 3 run HR.

Bottom 7th: Ryan Sweeney singled to left Jack Cust flied out to left (1 out) Bobby Crosboy singled to center, Ryan Sweeney to 2nd Emil Brown 3 Run HR to left center 3-1 A's

Damn Emil Brown has certainly cooled off, but he came up with a 3 run HR off the lefty. Much needed. Emil Brown is here to hit lefties like Ike hit Tina.

Bottom 8th: A's up 3-2 Daric Barton struck out swinging (1 out) Kurt Suzuki grounded out to shortstop (2 out) Ryan Sweeney walked Jack Cust 2 Run HR to left 5-2 A's

Sure the A's only had 6 hits and 2 walks in the game, but a 2 run HR and a 3 Run HR was more than enough. Additionally Huston Street got through a much needed painless 9th for the save. Jebus. Joe Blaton finally pitches a good game and gets through 7 innings against a great lineup (that's been slumping) which is a great sign. The A's lineup has been frustrating at times, but I'll take a couple of big late HRs and a win.

The A's are 42-34 now, which is great all things considered, but the Monkeys continue winning and the A's still stand 5 games back.

Greg Smith goes for the A's tonight. Let's hope he can get his great control back.

Kevin Youkilis - Gold Glover

2008-06-24T16:17:00.000-07:00

Just in case you were wondering if Kevin Youkilis really was the awesome defensive first basement that we are constantly told he is, we actually now know that he is even awesomer! He's like a bunny that can hop 10 feet in the air, and then turn on a dime like a cheetah. There are 2 "great" ESPN stories on this (I say "great" because there is absolutely nothing great about ESPN other than Chris Berman's sportcoats).

First, there is this gem here. Some good info:

Red Sox first baseman Kevin Youkilis has been sent to an eye specialist after getting hit in the face by a one-hop throw in practice, and will sit out Tuesday night's game against Arizona.

This is priceless. Normally I don't like to poke fun at getting hurt and would think that would come with bad karma (if I believed in fat chinese men with weird hairstyles), but this is the gayest player in the league playing for the gayest team, so he's not exempt. Sorry Police Officer from the Village People. I'm mean, let's be honest here, is this the 1st time this has ever happened in MLB? It must be, right? I played (brilliant) 1B in high school, and I'll admit I am left handed, a little bit taller than Youkilis, and extremely handsome so I kind of have an edge, but last time I checked I never actually played MLB. And through all those years, I never got hit in the eye during infield warmups like a douche.

The 2007 American League Gold Glove winner was struck under the right eye Monday night by Mike Lowell's throw during infield warmups. Youkilis' eye immediately swelled and turned purple.

What is MLB's policy on Indian Giving? Is it a crime? Can they go to Youkilis' house tonight and reclaim the 2007 Golg Glove and give it to Casey Kotchman or Lyle Overbay, 2 guys who deserve it more than Youkilis? I think if you get hit in the face by a ball, the official scorer will never give you an error, which is why Youkilis had Zero in 2007, and not the 15 he should have had. Btw. this just in - Errors are a meaningless way to judge defensive ability! Alright, people have known that for a long time, well...at least people other than those who actually vote on these awards.

Then there is THIS GEM which makes the whole event even more hilarious! Its funnier than Dwight Schrute playing ping pong (sorry, table tennis)! Big props to Mike Lowell for the following:

"Well, I felt terrible about it. I short-hopped him and I probably short-hop him five times a game in between innings," Lowell said. "It wasn't even a hard throw. I kind of lobbed it, he went to scoop it and hit off his glove and then I saw it hit him. I thought it hit him in the side of the head but, afterwards, I saw him shaken up and touching his eye."

OK, so now we find out that Mike Lowell LOBBED a fucking ball in warmups. It was thrown at the same speed that Mini Me or Wee-Man could potentially throw a baseball at, yet Youkilis couldn't handle the soft toss, got hit in the face and got a purple eye. Are we sure Youkilis didn't get pink eye (#2) from David Ortiz between innings? I'm pretty sure that's actually what happened.

So anyway, congrats on that Gold Glove in 2007 Kevin! You obviously deserved it! Hey Kevin, think fast....

Welcome back Daisuke!

2008-06-22T12:11:00.000-07:00

First off, I don't even want to talk much about the A's game. Another one blown by the bullpen, you seriously gotta wonder what the fuck is going on w/ Huston Street---I hope this isn't serious. Maybe we should get Tony Robbins involved, like Zito did. A decent start by Eveland and Ziegler has been doing a great job out of the pen. But Alan Embree continues to prove me right in calling him a douche. Used Red Sox goods are always the worst, just like Lenny RiTardo. I'm worried about Huston Street and our lack of offense, hopefully the A's can turn things around, although the win on Friday was awesome!

And now, back to Daisuke - We've missed you! This is exactly what should happen in every Matsuzaka start. The guy has the control of a blind drunken midget, or at least the control I would expect a blind drunken midget to be capable of. I love how before this game, your average uninformed Red Sox fan saw his 8-0 record and thought he was great, well - I've seen him pitch 5 or 6 games live, and he's not great. He's a blind drunken midget.

The box score is amazing. Daisuke's impresive line you ask?:

1.0 IP, 6 H, 7 ER, 3BB, 1K, 1HR

And then I see bullshit like this, and it pisses me off. One of the top 5 stories on mlb.com is this bullshit. The Sox got bent over (9-3) by the unimpressive and Pujolsless Cardinals, and the fucking story is about "Smith's Red Sox Debut livens up loss".

Wow. Amazing. There are some real gems in this article.
The 27-year-old relieved starter Daisuke Matsuzaka in the second inning, inheriting a 4-0 deficit and a bases-loaded jam. Facing Cardinals cleanup hitter Rick Ankiel, Smith threw three offspeed pitches and earned his first strikeout against the first batter he faced.

While this is true, the next hitter (Troy Fucking Glaus) hit a GRAND SLAM over the Green Monster. But yeah, Smith did his job, where Terry Francona sent him out to the mound and said "Look kid, strikeout the 1st guy, but after that don't worry, its totally cool if you give up a grand slam and put us down 8-0. No seriously, I won't mind, just strike out that Ankiel kid, you know the one who was a pitcher for years but only became a hitter when he couldn't pitch anymore."

Smith went four innings in the debut, giving up just three hits, striking out three and being charged with one earned run. That run, however, came as part of a grand slam he served up to Troy Glaus immediately after the Ankiel strikeout. The three runners on base were charged to Matsuzaka.
True dat. I wonder if Smith was seen ghostriding his whip in the Fenway parking lot after the game? That would have made this an AWESOME major league debut!

"I've never seen a place like this," Francona said. "We're down 8-0, he throws a strikeout, and the fans react. They know. It's a special place."

The Red Sox fans got all excited for the strikeout because they're all idiots. They probably thought they were winning 8-0. Seriously? Going nuts for 1 strikeout in the 2nd inning when you're down 8-0 means you're either a) drunk, b) an idiot, c) a Red Sox fan, or d) all of the above
I mean this is like doing the wave and high fiving when your team scores a TD when you're down 49-0 in the NFL. Intelligent fans.

Thanks mlb.com for this touching story about a guy who gave up a grand slam to the 2nd batter he faced in MLB ever! Solid outing! Every young pitcher should have this same goal. And I love how there is almost no talk of how the Cards built this 8-0 lead! Congrats Chris Smith, we'll probably never see you in the majors ever again, but if we do, you'll probably be as successful as Craig Hansen, one of the worst relievers in baseball!

Way to go youngblood! Gettin paid gettin paid! Who are we kidding, let's be honest - this guy was drafted in 2002 and made his major league debut in 2008 at the age of 27. Is anyone drunk enough to think he'll be anything more than a spare part? Oh wait, Peter Gammons just said he's the favorite to win the 2009 AL Cy young! Fuck!

Good riddance loser!

2008-06-20T10:10:00.000-07:00

Thanks God. Hopefully now we'll never have to hear from this asshole again. Curt Schilling's career is hopefully over. Eat a dick fag! Too bad you're definitely not a hall of famer. If he even gets any HOF consideration, I quit. All of it.

Suck a dick Curty boy. The good news is he stole $8M from the Red Sox this year. At least he did that for the rest of us.

Here is the awesome story!

Curt, do us all a favor and just go away. Blowhard. Douchebag. Homo.

Get out and VOTE!

2008-06-16T14:32:00.001-07:00

And I'm not talking about Bullshit politics, I'm talking about the (meaningless) All-Star game. Any of you who know me already know that I (like most others) think the All-star game is total bullshit, and simply a popularity contest that doesn't mean anything. However, even though the Red Sox are having a good year, most of the guys leading don't deserve to be all-stars (its only that they have enough jack ass fans to stuff the online ballots and your casual baseball fan is an idiot).

Check here for the latest.

Jesus man.

I'm not going to go through every position, just ones of interest.

1B - Youkilis is leading. While I'm not a big Youkilis fan, and he's really overrated, I can kinda live with this one. Funny thing is, for all the shit he gets, Giambi has a 0.961 OPS right now to Youkilis' .906. Plus Youkilis is so overrated defensively (Gold Glove?!!). I was watching a game a couple of days ago, Lugo got hit by a take out slide, threw a bad throw that bounced, but the runner was about 20 feet from the bag - Youkilis didn't come off the bag to get it, when he had a ton of time, and it bounced past him. Easy play (I seriously would have made it), but fanboy blew it.

Recomendation: Vote for Morneau (he's in 2nd) or Giambi.

2B - Pedroia is leading by 200K votes. This is the biggest joke of the whole thing. Do people realize how bad PEDroia is?

His OPS+ is 88 right now! For the love of god! Right now, he's posting a:

.269/.316/.393 line. Um. And he's not even very good defensively (trust me, I've seen a lot of games). I mean shit, Mark Ellis is having a better offensive year this year, and he's probably the best defensive 2B in the AL. Ellis is more of an all-star than Pedroia, no doubt. Shit, Ellis' OPS+ is 109! If PEDroia played anywhere else (minus NY), you wouldn't even know who he was.

Check the current stats for 2B right here. Kinsler is the obvious choice, w/ Brian Roberts deserving as well. Kinsler has an OPS+ of 126, and he has 17SBs w/ only 1 CS. Brian Roberts is having a good year as well.

Recommendation: Ian Kinsler. He still has a shot. Roberts is the 2nd most deserving, but is 700K votes behind. The fact that PEDroia is winning shows that this whole process is a joke. Get out and vote and make a difference! Yes we can!

3B - A Rod has a huge lead and should win. Mike Fucking Lowell is in 2nd, which is mind boggling. Mike Lowell??? Really? Why?

Recommendation: Vote for Chavez, just to try to get him in the top 5 for shits and giggles.

C - Jason Varitek leads by 40K votes over Joe Mauer. Oh. My. God! This is up there w/ the PEDroia fiasco. I don't even know if Jason Varitek deserves to start for Boston anymore, let alone the All-Star game. In case you were wondering, Gerald Laird has a higher OPS than Varitek. Yeah, I know! Me too! Don't give me bullshit like Jason Varitek handles the staff well. What, does he rub their balls down w/ some KY? (Sorry, he probably does, I shouldn't have asked that, I didn't really want to know). They said the same shit about Jason Kendall, just to justify keeping him. Its bullshit. Does Varitek's handling enable Matsuzaka to walk 8 in a game? That's awesome! Go Jay!

Recommendation: Vote for Joe FUCKING Mauer goddamit!

DH - David PEDtiz leads by a ton. The DH slotting is all messed up. The winner should be Milton Bradley, hands down, but he's labelled as an OF and is in 8th place in the OF! He's having probably the 2nd best offensive year in the AL, behind Josh Hamilton. Too bad people don't realize this.

Ortiz is putting up the whopping .252/.354/.486 (121 OPS+), and he's only played in 54 games because he went down w/ a steroid related injury. But I guess that doesn't matter - he's a cheerful Dominican, he should be in the All-Star game!

Recommendation: Hideki Matsui. He's the only one even somewhat close, and he's actually having a better year than Ortiz. But I guess Ortiz wins by default. Honestly, Jack Cust is having a better year than Ortiz. Oh well, they always set the positions up early which creates problem.

OF - just the typical popularity contest (Manny, Ichiro, Vlad in the top 4 - but Josh Hamilton broke through to #2!). Milton Bradley is probably having the best year, but he's in 8th. Grady Sizemore has equaled Manny's offensive production (about the same OPS, and actually leads in HRs 17 to 15!) and he is far superior defensively, yet Manny is 1st, Grady is 12th. Go figure.

Recommendation: Vote for Milton Bradley, Grady Sizemore and Ryan Sweeney.

The way we can go is to get everyone you know to vote for Bobby Crosby and Eric Chavez, just to get those 2 guys in the game to show people fan voting doesn't work. I leave it up to you, but I need your help! I'm just 1 man, I can't do it all on my own. I mean, I can do IT, but I can't do it. Help out a good cause!

Go A's!

Big PEDI to the DL?

2008-06-03T09:20:00.000-07:00

Wow. Interesting. Its now official that Ortiz will head to the DL. Of course Boston fans aren't nervous about this, because the lineup is obviously much better w/ Coco Crisp or Brandon Moss in it than Ortiz, right?

And here is an interesting little read about Roidos. I found this to be interesting:

With continued use of anabolic steroids, both sexes can experience the following effects, which range from the merely unsightly to the life endangering.
Acne
Bloated appearance
Rapid weight gain
Clotting disorders
Liver damage
Premature heart attacks and strokes
Elevated cholesterol levels
Weakened tendons

Obviously, I'm not saying anything here, but its interesting that prolonged use leads to weakened tendons. Coincidence? Or have I been right all these years? Remember how other suspected users have gone down w/ similar injuries in the past and were blasted? I guess I'll never understand why Ortiz is safe from all this. Everyone in the world hates the greatest hitter to ever live (Bonds), but I guess if you're a Dominican who laughs a lot and still speaks English with a funny accent, you're all good! Congrats people!

I'm just saying.

Btw, great to see Crosby finally come through last night. We've sure hit a rough stretch, but hopefully we can get a few wins here. Too bad the Monkeys keep winning. How bout that Okajima? Pretty good, huh?

12-0?!

2008-05-29T15:44:00.000-07:00

Wow. The A's just got their asses handed to them by the one team that definitely has a worse offense than them. Jesus. Jesus man. I guess I got a little too excited too soon about sweeping the bitches from Boston. Eveland has been so good this year, I guess he was bound to have a start like this sooner or later.

Damn. At least Lenny ReTardo continues to prove me right...he sucks. And belongs back in Boston. On the bright side, at least I live on the West Coast.

A's sweep AIDS

2008-05-28T09:37:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay, just moved, set up AT&T Yahoo! DSL and was not forewarned that it is for bitches. Seriously. It worked for 3 days, I got Jacob at the help desk in India on the line, and my boy hasn't fixed it yet. Seriously, why the hell do these guys at the help desks in India tell me their name is Jacob? Dude, I know you're in fucking India! Anyway....

The A's swept Boston in Oakland. Utter dominance. Jon Lester - utter flatulence. At least people now see that I was right and everyone else is wrong. Throwing 1 no-hitter in your career does not make you a great pitcher. Especially if every other start you've made has sucked. Ass. Jon Lester is a total joke. What a series.

5/23 - A's 8, AIDS 3
5/24 - A's 3, AIDS 0
5/25 - A's 6, AIDS 3

That's a total of A's 17, AIDS 6. Dominance. Tim "Show me the Mustard" Wakefield throws 5 innings and gives up 8 ER? Does anyone honestly believe this guy belongs in MLB anymore? Cuz he doesn't. He belongs on his couch watching NASCAR. And the best part is in Game 2, Dookie threw a 1 hitter (almost complete) against Boston. God bless you Dookie! I guess Josh Beckett is not going to repeat his 2007 performance, that was a 1 time deal. The A's pitching is so much better than Boston's that its ridiculous. Ree. Dick. U. Lous.

There's also a new race for MGP (Most Gay Player). The title used to belong to Johnny Damon (Captain Gayman). Now its a close race between Jacoby Ellsbury and Kevin Youkilis. Youkilis gets the gay leather wearing biker demographic, while Ellsbury...well, as Ed in "Shawn of the Dead" would say ---- "GAY!!!!".

Now, all 2 of you that read this site, I have a request. Go out and start voting for the (meaningless) All-Star game. While it doesn't mean shit, I'm tired of seeing undeserving people win the voting. As of now, there are 5 Red Sox leading in the All Star voting. And 0 (ZERO) of them deserve it! Vote for people who belong there, not bitches who are well known because they play in that wasteland of a city. The sad thing is, there are a lot of Yankees who are in 2nd who don't deserve it (Cano???). Vote for people who are putting up good #s goddammit!

VOTE!!!

As of right now, Dustin Pedroia should not be leading anything. That soft swinging midget should not even be in the top 5. Ian Kinsler is currently the obvious choice. Pedroia has a .331 OBP and .399 SLG. Ridiculous. And he's not a very good fielder. If you want a great fielder, Mark Ellis is your guy. Mike Lowell in the top 2? Manny w/ 2 times more votes than any OF? Do these people who vote even watch baseball? Its also awesome to see Melky Cabrera in 7th, Johnny Damon 10th, JD Drew 11th, and Coco Crisp in 12th. 12th? The only reason Coco Crisp should even have 1 vote is if his mom went online and voted for him. That's the only excuse for him to have 1 vote. Yet he's ahead of Carl Crawford, BJ Upton, Carlos Quentin (I understand this one since Jerry Owens is on the ballot). Coco Crisp should be in 41st place.

Finally, in more recent news, Boston lost to the worst team in baseball. And Matsuzaka is hurt. The A's continue to enjoy playing the Blue Jays. How can you not like Greg Smith? He's efficient, has great control and doesn't waste time. Don't look now, but Oakland and Boston are in 2nd place in their divisions.

A's vs AIDS take TWO

2008-05-23T15:37:00.001-07:00

A 3 game series of team bandwagon vs the A's in Oakland starts tonight. This should be fun, now that people see Lester throw a no-hitter and suddenly forget about all of his shitty starts and think he's a great pitcher. Gay Buttholes threw a no-hitter last year, and he's lights out this year! It actually sucks that we're going against Lester in game 3, since the A's kryptonite is shitty left-handed pitchers, and Lester fits that mold.

At least we've got Rich Harden going against Tim "Mustard" Wakefield tonight. Hopefully Big Sloppy and Ramirez will be out of the lineup due to too much ass injecting. Hopefully our guys will quit playing like bitches, and stick it to Boston. After all, Boston in general is a joke - example - Celtics. Remember them, the most overrated team of all time, that just lost to Detroit at home.

We'll be watching this series closely, especially for all of the bandwagon red soxers who will undoubtedly show up in Oakland. If you see them, remind them of how low their IQs are. They won't understand what you're talking about, which will make it even funnier. I think we should bring back the "1918" chant, that way we can see how many of them even understand what it means. Probably 10% of em....Eat a D Boston!

Boston's Big Three (Vaginas)

2008-05-13T12:35:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted for a while, as I'm in the process of moving. Fun times. Anyway, good to see the A's getting back on track, the Red Sox getting owned by the Twinkies (3 of 4), and the A's are back in 1st while Boston is about to fall into 2nd...3rd.....

At any rate, I meant to mention this before, but the 2008 Boston Celtics are the most overrated team of all time. Its official. It was official after the sub .500 Atlanta Hawks took them to a game 7, but its official now that we see they can't win on the road in the playoffs. The reason? Their "Big Three" (what a joke - there will only be 1 true "Big Three" - Hudson, Mulder and Zito, back when those guys were good) are three complete pussies. Garnett has "some" toughness, like pushing Lebron James while Lebron is dunking on him. Tough. Pierce, Allen (and Rondo and others) are just a bunch of floppers. I've never seen guys flop so much, not even the 2007 Utah Jazz. Pierce might be the most overrated player of the last 20 years, I love how the announcers keep calling him and Garnett "WINNERS". Winners? Really? I realize its a team sport and all, but what have Garnett or Pierce ever actually won? Their Junior High School round robin tourney? A game of hop scotch in 5th grade? Last time I checked, they haven't won shit, so if you use a term like "winner" for someone, technically, they should have won something. Just a thought.

If you haven't noticed, Pierce cannot take pressure at all, and all 3 of these guys settle for jump shots. I really just wanted to point out that Paul Pierce sucks, he's a flopper, and he probably whines more than anyone I've ever seen (even Kevin Youkilis!). Also, I've noticed a striking similarity between Doc Rivers and Ken Macha. How can anyone think Doc Rivers is a good coach? Everytime they show him on TV, he looks like he doesn't know where he is or doesn't know what the hell is going on. Its like he thinks he's golfing or something. And then he just gives that awkward and uncomfortable smile, like OJ Simpson, where he looks like he might have just killed someone.

I loved Garnett getting Youtube'd by Lebron last night. Watch for yourself, its good times.

Best in the AL

2008-04-29T10:24:00.000-07:00

I've been looking forward to this 4 games series between the A's and Monkeys in Anaheim for some time now, since I hate the LA Monkeys. Game 1 did not disappoint! I've never been a fan of Jon Garland, and thought he was always overrated by his high win totals in Chicago. I actually laughed when I heard the Angels had traded for him in the off-season, I guess it didn't turn out too bad since their top 2 pitchers have not pitched yet this year and they needed Garland's corpse on the mound every 5th day.

Does it get better than watching Frank Thomas "leg" out a triple? That is honestly something I never thought I would see in my life. Classic. I realize this game was a complete shellacking, as the 14-2 score would indicate, but I hope some of this is a sign of things to come. I realize it's not realistic to expect our pitching to continue as it has so far, so the hitting is great to see. Daric Barton's performance is what I'm impressed with. The fact that he finally hit one out is what I needed to see - he's a good hitter, but needs to show some power. Anyway, don't mean to get too serious, cuz that's not what I'm all about.

One of my favorite parts of this game is the quotes that came after. Jon Garland, a BELOW average MLB pitcher puts up this line against the A's - 6IP, 10H, 7ER, 3BB, 5Ks, and this is what he has to say after the game:

"I was getting behind and they were hitting the ball. That's all I can say," Garland said. "I felt I had pretty good pitches. The ball was put in play and it rolled their way."

Yep, pretty much Johnny boy! You got it John-o! The A's won because they put the b and IT rolled their way. WTF! Are you fuckin serious? (He might have been distracted when he commented since Scioscia was grabbing his ass, but I could be wrong) The fact that Jon Garland even thinks he should win a game is amazing to me. I do salute Jon Garland and Chris Bootcheck though, since collectively they gave up 14 runs in 6 2/3 innings to the A's and propelled the A's into 1st place in Runs in the AL! Amazinall in play,g! A team that now has 15 HRs, and they lead the AL in runs! Thanks Fat Mike!

I know this is a long season, but this has been one of the most entertaining Aprils in a long time. The A's have been exciting and fun to watch. What I love is they were given no hope in Japan and after, and currently have the best record in the AL. Trust me, I know it's early and expectations are low for this season, but I love how all of the analysts (Gammons, etc, and Bill Simmons if he's considered one) blame the Japan trip for Boston's struggles, yet no one has a comment on the A's having the best record while also making the same trip? Fuck off bitches.

So while it's only April, and a 4 game series is a long series, my hope is for the A's to say Fuck off to the Angels and take them out in all 4 games. A 4 game sweep in Anaheim is what we need right now. I'd take 3 wins, but would love to see a sweep. The A's are hot, and we need to take advantage of this. Plus, these are the pitching match ups for the next 3 games:

4/29 - Smith vs Saunders
4/30 - Eveland vs Santana
5/1 - Duchscherer vs Moseley

Let's just hope Ervin Santana reverts back to 2007 form, and this could happen.

Better than Boston

2008-04-28T12:27:00.000-07:00

That's right, Tampa Bay just swept Boston. File this under hilarious. 5-4, 2-1, 3-0. How 'bout that powerful Red Sox lineup? Phenomenal.

Game 1: Rays 5, Red Sox 4. Matt Garza pitched slightly better than Tim Wakefield - where slightly better is equivalent to "less worse", a term Wakefield has tattooed on his ass. Dr. Mustard "Timmy" walked 5, something he's really good at doing. Mike Timlin proved he's still an awesome relief pitcher. He got 2 outs before losing the game! Way to Mikey boy!

Game 2: Rays 2, Red Sox 1. I actually watched this game, and the announcers had conceded that Boston had won 1-0 before Iwamura hit that 2-run HR off Gay Buttholes. Can we please start calling him Gay Buttholes? Its so fitting in clever! Although I don't want to prove to people that I'm more original than Bill Simmons, so you don't have to adopt that nickname if you don't want to. Your loss. Seriously though, Edwin Jackson shut Boston's offense down, and there only run was scored on Ellsbury's "hit" - seriously, could this guy please get a real hit once in a while. I define "real hit" as out of the infield. I know he has 3 HRs (don't know how that happened) but I guarantee you all of his other hits have not left the infield. Its getting embarrassing. If I were him, I'd wear a Trot Nixon or Wes Welker mask when I hit, so that Boston fans could identify with me.

Seriously though, has anyone noticed that Gay Buttholes pitches great until the game is late and tight (a word Gay Buttholes loves by the way! Whooo-aaaa!) and then he'll give up a late HR or something to give up the lead, then he mopes around on the mound for a while, has a good cry, shrugs his shoulders and leaves the game. Its getting funnier every time!

Also, there was a great exchange with the Rays announcers. Of course they brought up "Moneyball" when Youkilis was hitting. They mentioned that Beane and DePodesta referred to Youkilis as the Greek God of Walks, due to his plate discipline. Then they mentioned that he generally complains if he takes a pitch and its called a strike. Then they suggested that he should be called "The Greek God of Whining". Classic. Fuckin Awesome. That's his nickname from here on out, spread the word.

One last note: I'm tired of Boston players getting a free pass because they play for Boston. Julio Lugo was completely out of line arguing a strike call, and he went on for a while and didn't even get thrown out. The rule is if you argue balls and strikes, you get thrown out. He clearly should have been thrown out of this game, which would have been funny since we could have seen some clown like Brandon Moss play SS. I've seen Manny argue 2 or 3 times this year w/out getting thrown out as well. Look, if the Red Sox players can't show some class, throw them the fuck out. Don't give them preferential treatment since they have to play games w/ tampons in. Wait. What?

Game 3: Rays 3, Red Sox 0. The best pitching matchup of the series - James Shields (he's Aaron Rowand's cousin - WTF!) vs Josh Beckett. This game was awesome. Beckett was unhittable for most of the game, but w/ Bartlett on 1st in the 3rd, he threw one away which would have allowed Bartlett to get to 3rd. But the funniest shit happened, JD Drew (apparently showing he can match Ellsbury and Damon's arms) threw a 78 hopper to the plate. Seriously, I could have kicked a baseball further in the air. What the fuck was that! But then in the 7th he hung a curveball and Longoria fucked it. Jesus style. He told Beckett to fuck off and to stop wearing that gay assed pookah necklass. Fag. James Shields fucking dominated Boston's beer league lineup. Its like when you have that buddy who comes up to you late night and asks "Hey dude, did you get shit off that chick?". Well, Boston's collective response was "Nah, shit, we didn't get shit off James Shields." Fags. Boston was trying to hook up w/ James Shields....damn. Anyway, he 2-hit Boston, and Big Poppy was out of the lineup again, continuing his AZT treatments. Magic Johnson wishes him well.

Enjoy the trip down Boston.

Joe Blanton just knows how to win

2008-04-28T11:35:00.000-07:00

That's a joke for all the idiots who think there is such a thing. Yeah, he's 2-4, and he pitched great yesterday. He actually only should have given up 1 run, but Jack Cust (the worst fielding LF in baseball) turned a flyout to left center into a double. Way to go Jack!

Somehow though, after getting abused by Felix Hernandez for 7 innings, the A's put an impressive rally together in the 8th to put up a 4 spot. Or as Mike Blowers (one of the Seattle announcers) said (something to the effect of) - the A's beat the M's in the 8th by playing station-to-station baseball. Is there anything more cliche than this in baseball at this point? Sure, the A's literally did load the bases and move guys around 1 base at a time, but can't you come up w/ anything more original than this? You're paid to announce, try harder! I guess we can't blame Mike Blowers though, his career OBP was 0.329. Give the guy a fuckin break people!

I was amazed at how dominating Felix was through 7. With the A's down 2-0, it looked like a sure win for the M's. The A's gave me some confidence now that w/ the bases loaded and no outs, they can actually score some runs. Now if these guys could just start hitting some HRs, this is getting embarrassing that we have the power of the old Angels. Or as Joe Morgan called them 800 times last night on Sunday night baseball - The California Angels. Joe - they haven't been the California Angels for years numbnuts. He was acting like they just became the LA Monkeys of Anaheim this season. Its been years! What. The. Fuck!

Things are great down here in LA. A's are coming down for a 4 game series at Disneyland. Things are going to be fun at Pompous Ass Land (Fletch's house) as well as my local watering holes. Can't wait for 1st pitch at 7:05 tonight....

Later on a post about the Red Sox getting swept by the Rays! Hahahahaha. Hahahahaha. Seriously, the Red Sox got swept by the Rays and have lost 5 in a row. How embarrassing.

The Hurt is Back

2008-04-25T09:54:00.000-07:00

I know I'm late to the party, but I thought it was pretty big news that the A's signed Frank Thomas. Yes, I know he already played yesterday, but I was busy drinking beers and pissing on Boston fans while watching the Angels beat Boston at Barney's Beanery. Fucking Hilarious! I love openly calling Boston fans a bunch of bitches while watching games at a sports bar and then seeing the Boston "fans" turn their head away and pretend they didn't hear me, even though they were sitting right next to me. I love April baseball....(Sidenote - our bartender at Barney's yesterday was smokin! Hot Asian chicks never get old son!)

The A's seemed to come alive, and put up an 11 spot on the Twins, a great sign. You gotta wonder what the hell is going on w/ Francisco Liriano. I realize Tommy John surgery is a big fucking deal, but he has not looked right at all this year. This dude dominated everyone in 2006! But the anemic A's lineup was able to get 6 runs off him in 2/3 of an inning. Sweet Jeebus.

So here's the deal, I know A's fans are definitely wondering what the hell is going on with this move. On a roster of 25, we have something like 30 DHs. Actually, I think we have 4 guys who should DH, but whatever. I liked the fact that Beane brought in Mike Sweeny this year, but Mike Sweeny just doesn't have the power that Big Frank does. Sweeny has actually looked pretty good in stretches so far in this early season, but he hasn't put up power in a few years. I'm a little worried that he's fragile (his knee has been giving him problems) and could wind up being like Piazza last year. The fact that our lineup has so many goddam lefties, its great to have Frank back in the lineup with some power from the right side. I know this is a rebuilding year and we're not supposed to do anything, but it is nice to see the A's stringing together some great wins early. I hate being such an optimist, but the season has been a lot of fun so far and the Angels and M's obviously aren't great this year.

Even though I hate the Angels, I do root for them against Boston, and yesterday's game was great. I've always thought Boston's bullpen was overrated, and while things are early, they are proving me right so far. They fucking imploded against the slap happy Angels. Okajima and Papelbon are good, I'll give them that. But Javier Lopez? Manny Delcarmen? David Aardsma? Gimme a fuckin' break bitch! Lopez and Delcarmen were awful yesterday, and their ERAs are high, but they're actually worse than the #s indicate. They've allowed A LOT of inherited runners to score. Like. A. Lot. If I was smart enough, I'd look up how many inherited runners they've allowed to score, but that would probably take time. F That. Delcarmen has no confidence and looks like a total pussy on the mound. I guess that's why he grew that scraggly beard, to look tough?

And don't even get me started on "can't miss prospect" Craig Hansen. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, that douche will be serving up lattes at The Coffee Bean in 5 years or less. Bitch. Good luck the rest of the year Theo, try not to choke on Peter Gammon's cock.

The A's Achilles heel

2008-04-15T15:10:00.000-07:00

I was fortunate enough to watch today's early A's vs WhiteSox game on MLB Extra Innings, which gave me a little unexpected treat - Hawk (You can put it on the board! Yes!...&....stretch! stretch! and DJ---the least interesting and worst announcers in baseball. Yes, even worse than Jerry whatshername, of Red Sox announcing fame. The only team worse than Boston's announcers.

Ellis got picked off at 1st today, and I could have sworn the senile Hawk said "That's a bitch." Although with some research, apparently he said "Grab some bench". See kids, learn to properly enunciate, or else people will think you are calling them a bitch when you are simply using one of your stupid catchphrases, that are thrown out there for no reason other than differentiation. Seriously though, no matter what is happening in the game, its pretty funny to watch a ChiSox broadcast, because they'll try to convince you the ChiSox are the greatest team in baseball. They still contend that the 2007 White Sox (72-90) were a great hitting team and just went cold (for 162 fucking games!!!!!) like Detroit did for the first 12 games of 2008.

So anyway, while watching this game, I realized that one of my theories about the A's hitting may be true. The Oakland Athletics cannot beat shitty left handed pitchers! To date, the A's are 9-6, and 4 of their 6 losses have been to shitty left handed pitchers - Jon Lester, Cliff Lee (twice) and John Danks. Now Danks still has a chance, but the other 2 are shitty. Real. Shitty.

So I looked at career-splits, and here is what I found.

Cliff Lee

vs. OAK: 8 GS, 4-1 (W-L), 52 2/3 IP, 36H, 14ER, 22 BB, 40K, 2.39 ERA, 1.10 WHIP
vs. everyone else: 119 GS, 52-35 (W-L), 703 2/3IP, 735 H, 369 ER, 234 BB, 521K, 4.71 ERA, 1.38 WHIP

Jon Lester

vs. OAK: 4 GS, 1-1(W-L), 20 IP, 20 H, 9 ER, 14 BB, 19K, 4.05 ERA, 1.70 WHIP
vs. everyone else: 26GS, 11-3 (W-L), 144 2/3 IP, 150 H, 78 ER, 75 BB, 101 K, 4.85 ERA, 1.56 WHIP

John Danks

vs. OAK: 2 GS, 2-0 (W-L), 13 2/3 IP, 12 H, 1 ER, 4 BB, 5 K, 0.66 ERA, 1.17 WHIP
vs. everyone else: 27 GS, 5-14 (W-L), 142 IP, 162 H, 92 ER, 57 BB, 112 K, 5.83 ERA, 1.54 WHIP

Clearly the sample size is an issue, but after watching these 3 clowns beat the A's 4 times (and the only other losses coming against Matsuzaka), something is going on here. In limited time, Lee and Danks have dominate the weak A's hitting, and Lester got hit hard once, but had a good start as well. In all honesty, Lester just plain sucks, but all of these guys have gotten hit hard by EVERYONE but the A's.

Something to think about. You might see GM's loading up on shitty southpaws right before their team plays the A's. That's what I would do. Apparently the A's can beat decent, good and great pitchers, but can't beat the shitty ones (these 3 and Matsuzaka are all shitty, and have accounted for all 6 of the A's losses). Something to think about next time your having a conversation with Toto.

One last note: the 2008 NFL schedule was released today. Mark down December 14th - NE at Oakland. While it seems we will have to wait for Al Davis to die (if he ever does) before the Raiders will be good again, it will be interesting to see if any NE "fans" show up at Oakland for this game decked out in their Wes Welker jersey. I'd love to see one of these clowns buy a ticket on eBay, and wind up sitting in the blackhole. While A's fans have been tempered by questionable ownership, Raiders fans are still passionate and at times crazy. I'm putting the over/under on the death/injury count to NE fans at 15. And in all honesty, they kinda deserve it. Because, well....they're douches, that's why.

A's comeback and of course the Tigers can beat Boston

2008-04-10T00:06:00.000-07:00

Alright, 1st things 1st - Fuck MLB Extra Innings. Alright, I said it. I didn't get home til late, "Tivo'd" the game, and of course MLB Extra Innings screwed up and nothing was showing on the channel the A's game was on. Since I didn't watch it, I'm not going to pretend to be an expert, but what a fucking comeback! For those keeping score, the A's are 5-4, Boston is 4-5, and Boston has 25 more gay players than the A's. Astounding!!!!! The A's have also scored 9 runs more than Boston. Wow. I wonder where Gay Papi's PEDs are at? Brutal.

So shit, Greg Smith gives up 3 in the 1st, and then the A's shut Toronto down after that. Ellis came up huge in the 9th, and its good to see Bobby Crosby coming up w/ a big double. Let's hope Bobby gets his confidence back (and stops flailing at the outside sliders). And wow, 2 saves for Street in 2 days. Please say this is what we can expect from here on out. Also, so far Oakland is 2-0 vs the hosers in Toronto, while Boston got swept (0-3) in the same place just before this - what a bunch of hosers! But the redneck Youkilis claims its because they've been dealing w/ so many different forms of currency - that's probably right. Just take your butt beard over to "Stud" in SF Kevbo. Fag.

And then there is Boston, the team that deserves nothing, but gets accolades for being the biggest bunch of douches. Douches with a capital "D". I challenge you to come up with a Boston player, fan, coach or resident who is not a douchebag. Feel free to enter them in the comments section, cuz they don't exist. They're like unicorns, cowboys, straight softball players, Jesus, God, people who actually grew up in Boston, and gremlins. Don't. Exist.

Wow, the 0-7 Tigers have been awful this season, but all they needed to do was play Boston to get a win. And that they did. Easily. And they could only get 2 runs off of one of the worst pitchers in baseball (who coincidentally, had 1 flukey year, and the general public was saying the Tigers fleeced Billy Beane - boy were they wrong). Of course, the worst left handed pitcher in MLB lived up to the rep I have given him - he sucked, as usual. Why is that Peter Gammons fellates this guy before every game again? Is it his 200 IQ that allows him to come up w/ witty quotes such as this brilliant one he dropped on us today?

"They're good hitters. I had a lot of pitches tonight that I thought were good pitches and they fouled them off," he said. "At times they were very aggressive and at times they were very patient."

I guess we may never know. I guess unless we get footage of Gammons giving him head in the back of his civic hatchback on TMZ tomorrow, but who knows. Seriously though, Boston just lost to a team that was 0-7. And this team threw a horrible pitcher against them, and the game was at Fenway! And speaking of which, is there anyone in the world with less personality than Bill Buckner? I don't think so. He was on yesterday in the telecast, spoke in a whisper, and was extremely boring. Of course, its probably because the Boston media has been stalking him for 20 years, so its not really his fault, I just blame the doucheyness of Boston.

Suck a dick Boston. Get used to losing, Timmy "More Mustard" Wakefield is going tomorrow. Tim Wakefield is a bitch.

At least we do some things well

2008-04-07T11:56:00.000-07:00

Considering the A's have shown they don't have much of a lineup, I guess things could be worse. The A's are 3-4, which is OK considering expectations are at an all time low this season. Coincidentally, the "favorites" are also 3-4, after getting their asses handed to them in Toronto. Who is this guy named Beckett? Never heard of her. Manny Delcarmen? I told you last year was a fluke, this guy is shakier than Huston Street. Boston has also shown that they are the rednecks we all thing they are, w/ beardo the homo (Youkwhatever) showing his true redneck side saying something like 'we're tired of dealing w/ all these currencies'. I don't have the exact quote, since I'm too lazy, but he came of as a total hillbilly, which is what most of his fanbase is anyway. I love how they're 3-4 because of all of the traveling they've done (easy excuse). People realize the A's actually flew to Japan also, right? They didn't actually teleport, but maybe that's what the media thinks happened.

None of this really matters, its early in the season, Time Warner sucks since they fucked up my MLB Extra Innings order and now the stations aren't coming in....people who work for the cable company have really high IQs by the way. But I digress....now for today's fun w/ Youtube. A short clip from one of the A's vs Red Sox games in Oakland.

Our fanbase proves we're good at something! Also, in the 2nd half of the clip, check out the Red Sox douche they caught on film. Check out how he cheers and claps, and tell me if you think he hangs out at the Blue Oyster Bar....

A's lose to Senor Steroid and the gang

2008-04-02T23:13:00.000-07:00

A's are off to a rough start back in the US. For all the idiot Sox fans talking shit, first go get your GED, then figure out how to add. Thank you. A's are off to a rough 1-3 start, yet expectations are low since this is a rebuilding year, and they looked far superior to the RoidSox in Tokyo - I know cuz I was there! Unlike most Sox "fans" who have never left New England. Douches.

Well, it looks like Senor Steroid has found his supplier again. The only person who has done more steroids than Barry Bonds finally got his 1st hit (and HR) of the season, and idiot Chowderheads rejoice (and continue to deny that their "slugger" has done more roids than Canseco and Caminiti combined).

In case anyone was wondering, Jon Lester is still a joke, and Harden is far superior. Too bad our bullpen sucks, and its all of the Boston rejects that the white Boston fanbase fell in love with who blew the game for us. Fuck Alan Embree, Fuck Lenny Retardo, they all fuckin suck. They're douchebags, and I can't wait until they're on a team they belong on, such as Boston.

Any Red Sox "fan" who thinks they're team is going to repeat is kidding themselves. And I have an open invitation to any pitcher in the MLB. I offer you $100 and a chance to drink some Knob Creek whiskey with me if you bean Manny Ramirez (preferably in the head). This is an open offer, and will be fulfilled. Manny Ramirez needs to be suspended for his doucheyness. Seriously, how many times do you have to admire a non-HR? You have no class you fucking douchebag, and that's why you'll never be shit from here on out. You're on the decline son, keep suckin Senor Steroid off.

Any pitcher who beans (and preferably injures) Gay Ramirez will be paid or offered booze. This is no joke, and I will be watching.

A's bend Lester over Backwards with Fighting Spirit

2008-03-29T00:13:00.000-07:00

Here is my attempt to recap the week-plus in Japan, primarily looking at the 2 games. Any of you who know me know that I am not a journalist. If you want a recap written by a 'pro', Game 1 is here, or here, and Game 2 is here, or here. That being said, I also claimed that I would take a bunch of good pictures, and I seemed to have mildly failed at that too (since I've been to the Tokyo Dome a bunch of time, I was watching the game and drinking beers more often than snapping photos, so I f'd up on this one).

So as you know, the week was built up w/ a couple of exhibition games against the 2 most popular Japanese teams (Hanshin Tigers and Yomiuri Giants). One word describes these games. Meaningless. Basically meaningless. Drivers of the MLB money making machine. So who cares, MLB 4 - Japanese Teams 0. See ya next year. At any rate, once I got back to Tokyo from my mini road trip (ie. flight) to Hokkaido, I was out on the town often and noticed a strong presence of Boston fans and of course the bad smell that comes w/ that. Apparently Boston marketed some VIP tour pack for like $5,000 per person and they sold em out. I could have made that tour for probably $2,500, so someone is getting rich off that. This just shows that the A's have a long way to go as far as marketing goes, since this was not even an option for A's fans, and if it were, it certainly would not have received the same amount of interest. I still do not understand why there are so many (obnoxious/illiterate/smelly/unintelligent/mulleted) Red Sox fans, and I actually don't think I want to even try to. It is kind of sad that when these American mutants travel to one of the most interesting and exciting countries on this planet, they still feel the need to go EVERYWHERE w/ their boston hats, bright red jackets, etc on. Alright, we get it, you're not a 'bandwagon' fan. Stop wearing your shit everywhere! Please! Thank you!

Game 1 (some highlights/stories, etc):

Got to the game a bit early, and there were a lot of gaijin for a game in Tokyo. As I might have mentioned before, they were mostly Boston fans, and mostly downright obnoxious. There were some commemorative souvenir tents set up outside, and the goods went fast. So fast, that I decided to just wait til game 2 to pick up a couple of things, a decision that I learned was not my brightest, as I am coming home w/out a single items from the games at the Tokyo Dome. Sad. Pathetic even. I did have a bunch of beers, but those are just consumables. Anyway, we had a couple of tall boys outside while waiting for friends, and I did see groups of A's fans - there were occasional　'air high fives'. I also feel bad because I saw someone from the A's media/something who was w/ a group of A's fans and signed a couple of things, but I honestly didn't know who he was, and didn't have a chance to go talk with him. I suck. I did see a bunch of Boston fans near the souvenirs, drinking a lot, wearing wifebeaters and red clown wigs - is that not the most fitting getup you've ever heard of? Anyone, the witty one saw my A's jersey and hat and yelled out 'Hey, A's is for Assholes'. My reply should have been GED?

We went in, filled a couple more of our beers in paper cups and were off to our seats. Our seats really sucked for this game. They were the cheapest ones, but were still $45 each. I hope Bud Selig is enjoying my money as he sits by the pool eating peanut butter out of the jar with his finger. Douchebag. My pictures really suck from here, since we were in the upper deck and digital cameras aren't known for their zoom capabilities. Before the game started, I could tell things were going to be ridiculous since Matsuzaka was pitching. Every single person who did not have green on was rooting for Daisuke. I say this, since even if they didn't have A's or Boston gear on, they were obviously rooting for Boston, and they probably would kick you if you fell down. I decided to do my best to make a mockery of Matsuzaka at any chance I got. I even ran into an A's fan in the row of urinals, and he said he felt bad rooting against the guy in his home country, to which I replied 'I sure as hell don't. Feel good about it, he deserves to lose.' Needless to say, I was pumped when Ellis HR'd, and we had Matsuzaka on the hook for the 1st 3 innings, but didn't get much out of it. At least he got pulled after 5, which was shameful.

You all know what happened, the A's could have had this game. I remember seeing who was coming up in the 9th, and thought to myself we snuck away w/ a win in Game 1! I saw that Moss was due up and he is basically the weakest player on Boston's entire lineup. Of course my brain must have put the jinx on, as that pussy hit it out somehow. No idea how that happened. I still don't actually believe it happened, since I'm pretty sure Moss is not capable of hitting one out. Its funny that Okajima got as much play from the Japanese fans as Matsuzka, when he wasn't even popular when he played here in Japan. Which just goes to show, the Japanese fans will cheer for you as long as you are from here, and that's really the only requirement. Most of the people didn't know what the hell was going on, who anyone was, but they sure loved Boston anyway! Its too bad we blew it, and I didn't bother going out drinking after the game, so I don't have any stories to report w/ runins w/ players, etc, unfortunately.

Game 2 - Must win?!

The seats were better for this one, but we had 2 extra tix, and thanks to Bud Selig employing police for every 10 square feet, we were not able to resell them, as illegal ticket selling was not allowed. Normally this is common practice here, and I'm sure any of you who take BART to the coliseum have probably seen 1 or 2 guys selling tix before. Maybe even 3! So Bud Selig owes me $140 - feel free to send me a check Buddy boy! You're welcome.

A lot of the same beforehand. Pregame tall boys, ridiculously obnoxious Boston fans, etc. I actually saw 2 clowns run up to the stadium yelling out Boston cheers, and they were completely wasted. It was 5pm. But I guess it was 4 am Boston time, so they should have been wasted. The best part was they had their faces painted completely red, and they had mullets! Fucking mullets! I didn't even know that was legal anymore, don't you at least get ticketed for that in 2008? I was bummed they weren't wearing Oakleys.

In this game Harden looked awesome, Lester looked exactly how I expected, awful. The guys has worse control than Barry Zito ever did, and that's ridiculous. I'm glad the guy beat cancer, but that does not give Peter Gammons the right to proclaim that he's going to be a stud. Unless Gammons is talking about, well, you know, that kind of stuff. Eww. Anyway, something did surprise me. I saw Harden hit 153 or 154 on the gun! Shit, he was throwing 153! I know, its in km/hr, but that's still 96-97 mph. My only bit of skepticism is that I saw Lester hit 150, and I really don't think Lester can throw almost as hard as Harden. I could be wrong...I loved that Lester later said he lost because he made 1 bad pitch to Brown, but the dude only last 4 innings, and never looked very good. Harden on the other hand, had Japanese fans gasping.

I did overhear this awesome exchange by 2 Japanese fans behind me. (Most of the Japanese businessmen who were there clearly didn't care about the teams and just talked about baseball for almost the whole game). The guys were talking about how the American pitchers have a much different windup/style that Japanese pitchers. They clearly understood how tell by a Japanese guys delivery if he was a good pitcher or not. They could not, however, tell if an American pitcher was (since there is no good twirling windup / staring at the ground / somersaults. Anyway, one guy was saying something to the effect of, 'Do you think this guy (Lester) is any good? I can't really tell.' 2 batters later, Emil Brown hits a 3 run HR (and I'm pretty sure I saw visible tears from Lester on the mound, since he's really tough). After I stop high fiving Japanese dudes and the mild cheering stops, the 2nd guy says to the other 'Well, I don't think this Lester is very good.' Exactly.

The 2nd game was obviously more fun than the 1st, but the 1st was an extremely exciting game, especially w/ the lead changes, Hannahan's 2 run HR, etc. I love the quotes from the 2nd game by Emil Brown (in the Caple article) - "They told me and I was like, what are you talking about?" said Brown, who hit a three-run homer in the 5-1 victory. "They said, 'You get a printer and a check for $10,000.' And I'm like, 'OK. Where's the check?'" That's my boy.

Overall, I'd say the trip was somewhat of a success. The A's got no respect coming in, everyone said they're a joke of an organization and they didn't care about them, but at least they saw they could perform well, and Harden put up a ridiculous performance that some took notice of. The thing that sucks is how this series was handled, Red Sox getting the home dugout, clubhouse, etc. Additionally, the Dome blasting Red Sox players' songs to bat as well, and treating both teams as somewhat home teams - ie. Charge no matter who was up, etc. it was ridiculous, un-American, etc. Additionally, there is no excuse for playing Sweet Caroline and whatever that other Boston song is in both games. Go ahead and play that gay shit in Boston, but this was an A's home game. That infuriated me, and I still need to find out how to properly complain to Selig's office. If anyone knows, please let me know, as things were not handled appropriately.

The A's did get a little props and awareness, which is good. Most of my pictures suck, which is bad. I hope you guys realized you should set the bar low for me. I don't really have too much else at this moment, I'll add later if I can think. this is my last night in Tokyo, I'm back to LA tomorrow.

Feel free to comment with any questions, etc and I'll do my best to add. I'm not a writer, I'm more of a drinker, high fiver, basher, Leron Lee'er. Tonight in Tokyo - Japanese Regae. If that doesn't sound interesting, I don't know what does.

Go A's!

Next Stop: Tokyo

2008-03-18T00:47:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm off for Japan today. While I'm there, I'm taking in both games of the A's vs Red Sox opening series at the Tokyo Dome. Turns out, Daisuke's wife popped their baby out real quick like, and he's going to pitch the opener, so that the Japanese fans aren't forced to watch the extremely boring Boston pitchers. Although the most rated pitcher in the history of 2008 is going to pitch game 2, so take that for what it is. If things hold up, Blanton and Harden (please!) will be going for the A's, meaning the A's have better SPs in both games. Only problem is the A's lineup, although the Tokyo Dome will surely help them out, as I'm pretty sure I could take one deep there.

Not to worry, I'll have the beer girls keepin em flowing. It should be interesting, as I'm sure I will have many run ins with Boston fans who came to Japan just for this series, and have the same amount of class as every Boston fan does (negative). Here's to me, superfan, for making a mockery of all that is Boston while I'm in Japan. Its going to be an awesome 2 weeks, and I'm sure I'll have the pics and stories to prove it. More to come....

Btw. I can't wait to see how overrated Jacoby is in person. I mean, seriously, this guy is their future? Really? No, seriously, stop joking around Peetie Gamm, you're kidding right? Really? OK, I'm sure he'll fit in over there, since he's fast, can't really hit, and will most likely bunt w/ a guy on 2nd and no outs. God Bless you Jacoby, you are destined to play slow pitch softball! YOu and Pedroia will tear it up on the beer circuit in 2010!

Josh Beckett is afraid of Fletch

2008-03-11T14:50:00.000-07:00

It's official, Josh Beckett is afraid of me. Word is out that I'm making the trip to Japan, and Josh Beckett has decided his little back hurts too much to fly on a plane to Japan. Why does everyone make such a big deal of this flight anyway? I fly over there every year, and I'm doing alright. Of course I didn't throw my back out in Spring Training while ramming Big Sloppy, like Josh did. Priorities son, priorities.

Anyway, I find this humorous. Hopefully this is a sign of things to come this season. Looks like after 2 healthy years (1 a disaster, 1 stellar), Josh Beckett is back to being the guy who got blisters opening up a beer can. This is great to see, between Beckett's back and Schilling's 6 months of AZT treatments, their rotation doesn't look so great after all. Now they know what we've gone through w/ Harden the last few years.

Looks like one less pussy for me to heckle in Japan. There is one thing Boston is really good at - complaining about a flight to Japan. Keep up the good work boys.

Congratulations Josh - looks like you're the Josh of old again! Yee-haw!

Watch out Tokyo, here we come...

2008-02-12T10:00:00.000-08:00

We're up over at EIO, the best A's site on the entire interweb. Feel free to go check it out (this same post it there), but there is a great forum to post comments, etc. Zach has been nice enough to let me start posting about the upcoming games in Japan, which I will be at. This same post, w/ commenting, can be found here----

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I found out in November that the A's would start the season in Japan versus the Boston Red Sox, but I do remember my initial reaction. "A's vs The Chowderheads to start the season in Tokyo?!! Hell yes, its in March - when is my Spring Break?" I immediately found out that it was timed perfectly, as the games were taking place over Spring Break, and my wife and I were planning on visiting Japan at that time anyway! That's right bitches, Tokyo road trip.

A quick aside - it might not be that interesting, but you're probably wondering why the hell I was planning on visiting Japan anyway. Long story short, I went to Japan 10 years ago on an exchange program, where I met my wife. While we live in LA now, my in-laws still live in Tokyo, and all of my wife's friends from childhood through college still live in Tokyo and we try to visit them at least once a year. Plus, for anyone who has never been to Japan, its an awesome experience and it is the best culture I've ever known and the people are awesome.

So anyway, I was in a unique position, since we have friends and family there. There was an online "lottery" for tickets in January. So we put in a request for 4 tickets for Game 1 and 6 tickets for Game 2, and we found out last week that we were selected for both games (I'm not sure if anyone was denied, but I don't care since I got mine). We were lucky, since I believe you had to either have someone in Japan to go pick up the tix and/or have a Japanese credit card, and I had both of those. The games are actually quite a bit more expensive than normal games, they used the same pricing as the WBC, which I went to while I was living there. It will be worth it though, for the Japanese beer girls alone.

As many people can probably imagine, baseball has always been huge in Japan, but now there is a lot more interest in MLB with the influx of Japanese players in to the US. Obviously the most popular teams being NYY, Seattle and Boston. Its funny, once in a while I see old school A's starter jackets from the Bash Brothers days, when the A's ran shit in MLB, and were the hated big boys. Things have certainly changed. So obviously, w/ Matsuzaka and Okajima on Boston, I'm imagining that 95% of the fans that actually have MLB gear on will be wearing Boston gear, or as I like to call it - granny panties. For those who don't know, Japan is interesting in that they actually split the stadium in half, w/ 1 team's fans sitting on the 3rd base side, the other on the 1st base side. We'll be on the 3rd base side - Ole Chavy!

I'll try to get some more stories and info down, but I assure you I'll get some good pics and stories from the week + in Japan.

Kraft is German for Douchebag

2008-02-12T09:12:00.001-08:00

In case you are of the minority, and don't think the Boston is a bunch of douchebags, I submit Exhibit A...

Perfect Season

Yes, that's right, they submitted a trademark application for "Perfect Season". How'd that turn out douchebags? Looks like you got punk'd by Eli Manning.

One of my buddies found this and sent it on to me.

I also read somewhere on Deadspin that they submitted applications for a bunch of similar trademarks...I don't recall exactly, but the list looked something like:

1. The Perfect Season
2. Perfect Season
3. 19-0
4. 18-1*
5. We Cheat
6. Tom Brady sucked me off for a dollar
7. Randy Moss beats women

Once again, eat a dick Boston. I can't wait for the games in Japan next month, I wonder if Curt Schilling and Josh Beckett are researching where the gay bars are at in Tokyo. Probably.

Tom Brady likes Smokin Cock

2008-02-03T22:30:00.001-08:00

Seriously, Tom Brady is not even close to the class of Joe Montana. I found it hilarious that anyone even insinuated anything close. Tom Brady is the most overrated QB of all time. Without cheating, Tom Brady is 0-1. With Cheating, TB is 3-0 in the BS. He actually has lost cheating in the championship game (Colts beat him last year, evne though he is a dirty cheater). I really don't know what to this....what do you do when a cheater like TB loses? Cheaters aren't supposed to lose! I guess it happens once in a while, but cheaters never should lose, so they should be especially embarrassed when they do!

It is funny when cheaters like TB lose!

TB in SB's 0-1
TB in SB's while cheating 3-1*
TB's true record in SBs w/out cheating 0-1*

Sorry Tom, you're not that good when you don't cheat. Loooks like your "Legacy" is done, you dirty cheater....

18-1*

2008-02-03T20:45:00.000-08:00

First, let me say ---- hahahahahahahahahahaha1

Tom Brady, you can suck a dick! (as usual)

Seriously, Tom Brady, the most homosexual player in the NFL can eat a dick---as usual. So let me break down history...

Patriots (while cheating) 3-0
Patriots (while not cheating) 0-3

So I guesss Bellicheat is not the genius everyone thought he was. He is 3-1 while cheating, and the pats are 0-2 prior to cheating.

Eat a dick Boston, you don't win when you cheat!

The game is over and Moss and Brady are fags!

Danzig thinks Tom Brady is a bitch!

2008-02-02T10:08:00.000-08:00

And he's right! Fuck Tom Brady. I'm pretty sure Tom Brady is like Tom Cruise (or Ben Stiller's Tom Crooze), ie. the chicks are a cover for his gayness. I'm pretty sure Miss Brady does dudes, but that's not the reason for this post.

In tribute to Danzig, here's a hillarious video of him, and even when he's being made fun of, Danzig is a billion times more of a man than Marcia Brady. Someone sent this video to me, and its f'in hilarious and I'm really hungover...So with that, go G-Men.

I've got a bottle of Jaeger for Giants TD shots during the superbowl party tomorrow. Let's hope my buddies and I finish it and I don't have to bring home a nearly full bottle. I've got a good feeling we'll be drinking a lot of Jaeger. So Fuck off Pats fans, the biggest cheaters of all....

Tom Brady is a homo?

2008-01-24T23:34:00.000-08:00

Yes, Tom Brady is definitely a homo. Who else walks around Chelsea in NY with a boot on? Bill Simmons? Yes, that's true as well, Bill S. is a total fag. But that's besides the point. At any rate, Mr. Overrated will hopefully show his true colors next (Pink) weekend. Congratulations Tom, you made your reputation on an obvious cheating ref call in your first playoffs ever. In all honesty, you have 2 SB championships, since the 1st one never happened (tuck rule game anyone?). You are no where near the legacy of Joe Montana or Steve Young, and you most likely never will be. Enjoy the rest of your years banging Carson, Tom, Faggy, Homo and Ass Crack. You're awesome Tom!

Tom-a-rino! You're like the opposite of the guys guy! You're the lavender version of a dude! Continue sucking those dicks Tommy, its what we need. Got in at 11-to-1 for the G-Men, and boy will it be sweet to see you go down and not be in the usual manner you go down...you know, in the gay manner that you and Jon Pappelbon usually do. Boston is a gay city, literally. Suck it Alice!

For the record, I was just watching ESPN, and dumbass Salisbury Steak honestly just said he gives the edge to the NE Gaytriots RBs. Are you fuckin serious Sean? Seriously? Sure, the Gaytriots do have a better team overall, but anyone who claims that the Gaytriots have better RBs than the Giants is a total assclown. Dude, the Giants RBs are so much better that its not even worth debating. For anyone keeping score at home, Moroney is a douchebag and is actually a bad RB. Like really Bad! Awful! Like JC awful. he probably has herpes. He's so bad he can't even contract AIDS, cuz the hot chicks who have AIDS won't even sleep w/ his dirty ass! Seriously, how fuckin sad is that?! Suck it, dirty boy!

Does anyone else realize how dirty the Gaytriots play? I'm just curious, cuz they whip kick and other shit like that that no other teams w/ class do. Shouldn't this tell us that they're a bunch of trailer park trash? (I say this since all Pats fans are white, and they understand trailer parks). seriously, why do they get any respect? they're a bunch of dirty and cheap players.

Hey Junior, congrats on that tackle for a 2 yard gain! Why don't you celebrate a little more bitch! On the next play, when the Giants get a 20 yard gain and you make the tackle, why don't you high five Richard PEDmore! Why the fuck not! Cheaters are awesome! LIke you!

Editor's note: This was written by some drunk guy. This was not written by Randy Moss.

Swisher down with Kenny Dubbs?

2008-01-03T17:33:00.000-08:00

Wow, I guess I'm getting old. I actually never saw this coming, so I'm either getting old or not drinking enough.

Nick Swisher is now a member of the Chicago Whitesox. Who the fuck would have seen this move coming? I think its pretty safe to say the A's are the favorite to finish in last place in the AL West in 2008. I just hope this move makes things brighter for 2009 and beyond. It always sucks to go through rebuilding, but I guess it was inevitable after the way the team has changed in the past few years.

I never would have thought Kenny Dubbs (aka the Worst GM in baseball) would have gone after Swisher. Its hard to believe, since Swisher still has 4 years of cheap salary level left, before he "gets paid son!".

As you can read in the article, the A's get 3 prospects from Kenny W---

1. LHP Gio Gonzalez
2. RHP Fauti De Los Santos
3. OF Ryan Sweeney

Obviously this deal was done on the hope that Gio, Fauti and Sweeney develop as they are expected to. This, along with the Haren trade, now show us A's fans that our minor league system needed some serious help, and Beane and the boys felt the need to get rid of a couple of our best players to replenish the system.

I'm curious to see what happens w/ Swisher in Chicago. Even though Swisher has been up and down at times, I was a Swisher fan. Even though his #s haven't lived up to his potential yet, he still could become a great hitter. I wonder if Ozzie will throw a fit about Swisher's patience. Nick doesn't seem like the type of hitter the ChiSox want....he has some power, is very patient and doesn't bunt like a bitch. I can't wait to see Ozzie put him in the 2 hole, and have him bunt in the 1st inning after a leadoff walk. Swisher might lose his shit!

I hope this is another move in the right direction. With poor drafts in the past few years, some new young players were needed. Its just too bad we haven't been able to draft these people on our own...I know that I, for one, will miss Swisher. I like having a team w/ guys like Nick on it, keep things rowdy, don't give a fuck about shaving or cutting your hair---he was essentially Giambi 2.0. Kinda like Web 2.0, but less gay. I'm still going to relish my time in Tokyo at the start of the season, and if anything, this will make me talk more shit.

Its time for him to go away

2007-12-19T19:24:00.000-08:00

Seriously, does anyone really want Curt Schilling around anymore? He's the one person that would make me consider if we really need the 1st Amendment anymore. I think we should selectively take it away from A-Holes, like Curt Schilling and Steve-o A. Smith. Curt Schilling, seriously, go away, no one cares about you anymore. Its really sad how starved for attention this clown is, that's the only reason he feels the need to voice his opinion on everything.

Here's his advice to Roger Clemens. I find it funny that one of the biggest HGH/Steroid abusers of this generation is calling Clemens out. Of course Schilling's name didn't come out in the Boston Mitchell Report (conflict of interest), but we all know the truth. Of course since his name in the report, all of his fans go on thinking he did everything "the right way", but I guarantee you he was one of the biggest abusers. Seriously, Curt, shut the fuck up! His statement's are laughable, and I honestly hate Clemens more than any non-Boston player. Clemens is a dick, but he doesn't need Mrs. Schilling's bullshit. Yeah, take away his wins, Cy Youngs, take away Bonds' MVPs , that's a great fuckin idea douchebag.

I can't wait until midway through 2008, when Schilling is pitching terribly (now that he's probably off the juice) and the Red Sox let him go and don't even let him finish out his last season. Suck it up fatboy, no one outside of Boston even respects you, and that's only because people in Boston are idiots. Like you. And Mike Greenwell. And Brian Daubach. And John Kerry. Bitches.

My take on this whole Mitchell Report is that is was a waste of time and money. Rumor has it the cost of putting it together was $20-40M, and it took 20 months! And basically half of it was shit you or I could have found on Google. "Steroids are bad for you" - no shit George! Thanks for the info! "Baseball should have steroid testing"...Yes, and.....Here's the thing, they basically spent all of that time and money, stated most of the names we that had already come out in previous books, and then got their only other info from 2 personal trainers. Two. Count em, 1----2. That obviously limits the names that come out. We got 80 names, which is probably 1 to 2% of the names that should have come out if they're going to tarnish reputations and name names. If you're going to name them, find all or most of them. Of course Schilling, Ortiz, Manny, Lowell (he did use them for medical reasons), and many others were not named for obvious reasons. We wouldn't want to tarnish the World Champions' reputation since they cut us a check every two weeks, would we? I guess this is something Georgey boy has to sleep every night knowing....

End of the Hippie Dan Era

2007-12-15T10:22:00.000-08:00

Now that the Mitchell report is out, I was going to post more thoughts on it, but there's really no point. I might type my thoughts later, but the short answer is its a total joke. The whole thing pisses me off because it is so deceiving in that almost nothing new came out. Just a big cover up. Moving on...

I knew this day was coming, but I still wasn't truly ready for it. I'm kind of surprised that Hippie Dan was traded to the DBacks, but I guess it has a chance to be a good move for both teams. As Chappelle would say, "They never should have gave Jeff Moorad Money!!!" I actually had a chance to meet Moorad at UCLA, and he seems like a nice enough guy, so hopefully this will help the DBacks, so they can own the Dodgers in 2008. This should make them the favorites in the NL West. Here's a little more info on the prospects if you want some info.

But I digress....I was kind of hoping Beane would wait until Santana (and Bedard) got traded, so that he could get even more for Haren. I like Haren, but I do think he is getting close to his max value. I'm going to miss having him on the A's - he can be lights out, but as we saw last year and in 2005 and 2006, he can get hit pretty hard at times. The 2nd half of 2007 was definitely nothing like the 1st half for him. But going to the NL should definitely improve his #s. What I do like about this trade is we get one potentially great OF (Carlos Gonzalez) and a good Lefty SP (Brett Anderson). Additionally, there's a couple of hitters would could wind up making a big impact - Aaron Cunningham and the creator of X-files (Chris Carter), who amazingly also has a knack for catching touchdowns.

This move shows that 2008 will be more painful than 2007. I've got a feeling we're looking at another season with less than 80 wins, but hopefully this will make us much better in 2009 and 2010. It sucks having to almost write off the next season, but we do know that there aren't many prospects to speak of in our system, so we needed some new talent for the future. As many others have already written, this is like when Beane rebuilt the team in 1999, which led to great seasons starting in 2000. To me, it's looking like ownership is trying to build a championship team by the time the A's move in to Cisco field. I guess now would be a good time to start saving cash to buy a condo outside of Cisco field for 2012...

Its going to be awhile before we see the true outcome of this deal, but I can assure you I'll still be in Tokyo in March talking shit to anyone wearing a Boston jersey, hat, or adult diaper.

Latest member of the A's?

2007-12-13T08:28:00.000-08:00

Although its probably not that shocking, Mark Prior was let go by the Cubs. He's probably still going to cost too much if he is even able to pitch at all. If he is able to pitch, and teams are weary of signing him, I say the A's go out and sign him. Between Prior and Harden, we will have the 2 best pitchers in MLB who never pitch! Adding Prior would allow us to count on the Prior/Harden combo to make up for half of the #1 starter role (approximately 17 starts between them). And if things don't work out, we can always just call prior a fag since he went to U$C. Honestly, I think it sucks what has happened to Prior, Kerry Wood and Harden the last few years. These guys have the talent and could have been 3 of the most dominant pitchers, although we all know "could have" doesn't mean shit. There's speculation that he could come out in the report today as well.

Now, in honor of the bullshit Mitchell Report that comes out today, here's a little game. Let's look at the 1st full seasons for 2 famous juicers. One of these guys put up a ridiculous career, but was mocked by the Hall of Fame on his first ballot attempt for entry. The other is viewed as the "most clutch" hitter of all time, even though the idea of clutch is equal to that of unicorns, butler monkeys, Asian girls with natural size F tits, and American girls whose legs don't rub together when they walk - ie. don't exist, for those of you who don't get analogies. See if you can guess who is who, and who needed steroids more. Its amazing how dumb Americans are when their bias/media bias gets in the way.

Player, Age, H-AB, R, HR, RBI, OBP, SLG
Player A, 24, 117-415, 59, 10, 63, .364, .446
Player B, 23, 167-557, 97, 49, 118, .370, .618

Oh, I don't know, one of these guys looks a little more accomplished when he was still skinny. The other bitch, not so much. Too bad all of Player A's fans view things through rose colored glasses, and believe what they want. Yet when the topic of Player B or Barry Bonds come up, they'll be the 1st to call them cheaters, say they don't belong in the HOF, etc. Um, check out what your bitch did before he started taking needles in the ass. The true cheaters are the ones who use cameras to spy on other teams anyway. A rumor I've heard that the Red Sox did in the past few years (ie. a camera in CF was stealing signs, etc). Congratulations douchebags...

For those of you counting, this is the 100th post in the history of BHA. Celebration and ceremony to follow...

Mitchell Report - Great Gift for the holidays!

2007-12-12T17:42:00.000-08:00

Sweet, the Mitchell report comes out tomorrow! If you need any last minute Christmas gifts, this report will make for great toilet paper for your Aunt Maude to wipe her ass with! I can't really think of any more ridiculous use of 20 months of "work".

This report and investigation has all the key factors leading to something be useless.

1. Lead investigator has a ridiculous conflict of interest, as he has been and is paid by the Boston Red Sox - check.

2. Lead investigator is asked to put together a complete report, yet he has absolutely no power to do so....no one had to comply with him, and they were more than welcome to laugh in his face - check.

3. Names have to be named, so names that have already been leaked will comprise the limited list of names, to make people happy - check.

4. Report does not reveal any true findings, but merely comes to the conclusion that MLB has their scapegoat (Bonds) - check

5. All our own time has been wasted with this whole thing - check

SO we all know the details. Stupid shit has already been leaked by people who are less than popular. Mitchell is paid a salary by the Boston Red Sox. There were rumors that he has equity in the team, which he strongly denies, and for all I know is just a rumor. At any rate, he's paid for by fuckin Boston! I guarantee you no big or small names from Boston come out in this bullshit report! Of the 80 names, probably 60 of them will be retired.

From all that has transpired now, in an era where the majority of players were probably juicing, there is 1 scapegoat - Bonds. Many people are calling for * placed next to his records, which is pretty ridiculous. People are more than happy to ignore the fact that players they like have done steroids just as often. I love people who claim certain "chubby/lovable" "clutch" sluggers on their team clearly haven't used because they aren't lean and don't look like bodybuilders. You can do roids and be strong and still have fat, its not some magic "lean" injection people. Have you bothered to notice that your lovable clutch slugger wears a size 8.5 fuckin hat? His head and neck are bigger than Bonds! Of course you haven't, because you don't want to believe it. Should we put an * next to all of those walk off hits by that immobile DH? Ignorance is bliss.

So the whole outcome of this, since it was done half assed, incomplete, and with set goals, is that the people who MLB wants to go down for this era will. Everyone will still love their Mr. Clutch, their rocket, their HIV sock, their cute red C wearing captain, because we don't want our (good) dirty laundry to be aired.

What a joke. Oh yeah, it was a former politician running this investigation? Totally honest.

Whatever, let's just be done with this. My whole point is, if you're going to release a list of names, it had better be fucking COMPLETE! This half assed list of names gathered via heresy is completely meaningless. If you release a list, make it a list of EVERYONE who has used. Now you're sending the wrong message, as kids are going to think certain people are cheaters and their favorite players aren't, when in reality, their favorite players probably cheated more than the people they're told are bad. This is really annoying, and I guarantee you all of the blame will be on Bay Area teams, because that's the easy way out...pathetic...

God Bless Ned Colletti

2007-12-07T13:48:00.000-08:00

Do we really need any more proof that Ned Colletti is the worst GM in baseball? Its actually getting fuckin ridiculous. I hate the Dodgers like David Ortiz hates vegetables, so this is great. I thought the Torii Hunter deal was awful, but then Colletti fuckin trumps the LA Monkeys! 2 Years and $36.2M for Andruw Jones after he posted the worst year of his career? What the FUCK?! The best part of this is that not long ago Colletti completely overpaid for a CFer who can't hit worth a shit. And that fucker is still on the team! Juan Pierre anyone? Funny thing is, they probably want to unload Pierre now, but he sucks and is making a fortune. So their other option is to switch Pierre to LF, which would make him the worst hitting LF in the history of the universe! Bravo Ned, you sneaky bastard! Andruw Jones is now the 5th highest paid player on an annual basis! That is not a typo. What. The. Fuck.

Does anyone think Colletti or the McCourts even know what the fuck they're doing? I sure as hell don't. Its pathetic, LA is the 2nd biggest market in the US after NY, the Dodgers have a bazillion idiot fans, and they spend their money like a drunken Matt Damon and Ben Affleck combo at a gay bar!

"We're thrilled to get a player of his caliber," Dodgers general manager Ned Colletti said Thursday morning. "His desire to be in L.A. was a huge component in this."

Is Colletti implying that they got Jones at a discount because he wanted to be in LA? That's how I read this and its insane. I challenge anyone to come up with 2 teams that would have been willing to pay Jones $12M a year. No one would have been close to $18.1M a year for 2 years.

It sure is a good thing the McCourt's fired that pocket protector wearing Paul DePodesta and his computer. Cuz things are looking much brighter in LA with Colletti at the helm. Of course the only good moves the Dodgers have done in the past few years were orchestrated by DePo, but he got fired anyway. That LoDuca for Penny trade? Brilliant. The Lowe contract at like $9M a year. Giving JD Drew and opt out clause---brilliant. But Neddy boy has come in and signed big contracts to Jones, Schmidt, Pierre and Nomar. 4 guys who are way past their primes. Looks like the Sabean model is coming along great in LA....

Check out the last 6 years in LA---2 90+ win seasons, and probably not many in the future. What a joke.

Team History
YEAR	W	L	RS	RA
2007	82	80	735	727
2006	88	74	820	751
2005	71	91	685	755
2004	93	69	761	684
2003	85	77	574	556
2002	92	70	713	643

Great 2007 Offseason news!

2007-11-19T17:07:00.000-08:00

Wow, an action packed day in MLB. Personally, I think it was a great day for all of us A's fans. In particular, there are 2 moves that I'm excited about.

1. Angels trade O-Cab for Jon Garland.

Wow!---Now, I agree this is probably a dumb move for the White Sox as well. What the fuck do the White Sox need Cabrera for anyway? But I don't really give a shit about the White Sox, so fuck them.

I do think its great though, because Anahymen traded away Cabrera. I do agree that he's overrated, but if the Angels honestly think they'll be OK with Erick Aybar and Maicer Izturis at SS, they're in for some big fuckin disappointment. Are you kidding me? I can't think of anyone I'd rather have less at SS than those 2 assclowns. The best part of this is that they get Jon Garland, one of the most overrated pitchers in the AL. I've got a feeling Garland is going to approach Jeff Weaver territory next year, and I can't wait! Can we start the 2008 season tomorrow?!! I love how the Angels say this gives them great dept...really? Adding a dependable bad pitcher is good? WHat a dumb fuckin move. Welcome to the big leagues Tony Reagins.

2. Boston resigns the uniballer (Mike Lowell) for 3 years - $37.5M

First off, hahahahahahahaha. Suck it Boston. Hahahahahahahaha. This is exactly what makes championship teams into rebuilding teams. Way to go Theo - you just took 1.5 steps back. This is just like if they had re-signed Damon after 2004. They made the right move then, but not now. Lowell might have 1 decent year left in him, but do they think they'll get their $24M worth in 2009 and 2010? Like the Angels, they're in for some big fuckin disappointment. And I'm stocked. They made dumb moves in the past, but somehow they were still able to win w/ expensive dead weight this year. Lowell's abberation of a season is going to bite them in the ass next year. Eat a dick Red Sox county. I like how the story mentions that Lowell took 2 years because he wanted to stay in Boston - of course he did! If he played anyone besides Fenway, he would be a below average hitter. The short monster is the only reason he's done shit.

Oh yeah, and I'm really glad they resigned PED Schilling. That's going to be awesome next year. I'm pretty sure Boston will finish 2nd or 3rd in the AL East next year (most likely 2nd).

3. The Yankees just flushed $45 M down the toilet.

Great start to the offseason!!!!! Can't wait for more. And it looks like I'll probably be in the Tokyo Dome for the 1st 2 games of the season - A's vs Boston. I'm going to fuck those fools up!

Bill Simmons has AIDS

2007-10-28T01:21:00.000-07:00

...and he probably got it from from Jacoby Ellsbury. The only reason I say that is because Jacob Ellsbury looks like a homo, and I"m 99% sure he is. I think I saw Kevin Youkilis stick a Slim Jim in his ass in the dugout, but it was probably just a 7-11 Big Bite. Whatever, he's a fag. Seriously, does anyone doubt this? Do we need to test Bill Simmons sores for the final verdict?

The World Series has been a joke, and obviously tonight was like no other. I actually didn't even watch the game til just now, because I live in LA and I'm not a Boston loser. There's way more fun shit going on around here. Fuck Boston, and fuck them in the ass. In case you didn't realize it, they are the new Yankees. Unlike what most Boston "Fans" think, its no longer cool to be a Red Sox fan - they spend $150M on their team, so they're basically expected to win. W/ that being said, all the writers write up their wins incorrectly like a bunch of fucktards. See here. Did anyone who watched this game thing they rocked the Rockies pitching? I sure as fuck didn't. The Red Sox have turned into a bunch of bitches. They make the Angels look like power hitting fools. This writer doesn't have a clue. I watched the game on TiVo, and of Jacoby Ellsbury's 4 hits, exactly zero of them were hit hard. He had 2 that would have been easy outs if CO didn't think he was such a bitch. The other 2 would have been outs if he wasn't wearing a dress. Speaking of which, do you think in 2008 Roiditek will finally bite the bullet and start wearing a dress in the field like the other chicks in "A League of Their Own" did? She should.

He Boston - fuck off. You're a bunch of fags. I can't wait til next year when the money wears off, and Boston is a $150M 3rd place team. Simmons - get tested you fag. Seriously, is there any baseball player more overrated than Ellsbury? How many swinging bunts do you have to get before you're considered a legend? All 4 of his hits tonight classify as "GAY". Congrats Boston, you've won the 1st ever "gay WS", do you get a pink ribon????

The Official Red Sox Fan site!

2007-10-22T09:12:00.000-07:00

Hey, I found out what all Red Sox fans consider to be the first place to look for Red Sox news! Check it out here! Its awesome, this proves my point about Red Sox fans. Its not merely the low IQs, lack of baseball knowledge, ugliness and poor pronunciation and grammar, they're also all a bunch of sneaky butchers!

Aside from this, the ALCS sucked. I realize Bud Selig and MLB only wanted Boston in the World Series, and they got their "wish". Of course all of the shady stuff that went down in the last few days wasn't orchestrated by Bud...of course not! I'm torn on whether I should just boycott the WS, since I can't stand to see Boston anymore, or if I should watch every game to see if the Rockies can keep the miracle run alive. F Boston. They don't deserve shit. It was funny when I saw them interviewing Monkey Epstein last night while he was so happy, all I could think about was when they panned to him during Game 4 in Cleveland and he was crying in his seat. I hope you lose in the WS bitch. Eat a kosher dick.

Cleveland Rocks

2007-10-15T23:25:00.000-07:00

Man, I wonder if Matsuzaka is just going to say fuck Boston and head back to Japan after this season. I sure as hell would. Fuck Boston. Seriously. From that article, it sure sounds like he's got a bunch of supportive teammates, where the word supportive means a bunch of hillbillies who ignore their teammate and suck down some BL's. Yee-haw!!!! Today's game was all Indians all the time. So far the ALCS has been awesome, and hopefully it will get even better if Snoozy Francona sticks w/ Noodles Wakefield in Game 4 tomorrow. Man, I can't wait to watch that game.

Here's a newsflash - Cleveland fans are better than Boston fans! Yeah, I know. And I'm not referring to average IQ, level of class, or ability to use utensils - it wouldn't even be close if those were included. The house was rocking in Cleveland tonight which was awesome to see. Don't know if everyone saw the game on Sat in Boston (the awesome game where Cleveland knocked out the Boston bullpen), but Fenway Park was noticeably empty by the 11th inning. I know Simmons has already made excuses, claiming the late time of the game is why Boston fans were so quiet (and absent). Maybe its finally time that the rest of the US realizes that 95% of Boston "fans" are complete bandwagoners. The worst kind. Seriously, how many of these "fans" do we need in stadiums other than Fenway? I was glad to see a lack of these people in Cleveland tonight.

Did anyone else really enjoy the Boston bullpen meltdown on Sat? Good times. I love how so many "experts" referred to Boston's bullpen as the best all year. Aside from Okajima and Papelbon, its actually really weak. Timlin, Javier Lopez, Gagne? Please. Delcarmen seems alright, but we'll see how long that lasts. It was also awesome to see the most overrated pitcher on the planet, Jon Lester, get lit the fuck up. Talk about owned. That shit was ridiculous. I'm pretty sure Gutierrez's HR has not landed yet.

2 games to 1 son....Enjoy the rest of the series. This week may be the last time you see Curt Schilling and Josh Beckett rub each others asses while smiling. Gay.

Panic at the gay disco!

2007-09-20T08:05:00.000-07:00

The 2007 Boston choke job keeps getting better and better. Russ Adams is now a Red Stocking killer. He completely owned Papelbon, leaving no doubt for the latest choke. The Yankees were down 14.5 games near the end of May, now its just 1.5. (The Yankees beat Baltimore 2-1, for anyone who didn't know) Hey Schilling et al, you think its time to worry yet? I loved how all the Red Sox would say they're not worried at all, when their lead was still 6 or 7 games. Guess what ladies, its time to worry now.

The Red Sox continue to play like shit, I continue to laugh. The Red Sox are really the only team in baseball fitting to pull this kind of choke job. Sure, they'll still make the playoffs, but it will be funny to see them go in as the wild card, after all of ESPN's "experts" (John Kruk, Steve Phillips, and the rest of the brilliant minds from the free world) said Boston's pitching is way too good and they won't choke away the division. Anyone want to rethink that now?

Even when the Red Sox were on top of the world, Francona managed as only he could - poorly! Everyone thought he was doing such a great job, and talked about how Boston had the best bullpen in baseball. Now we see just how false that was. Francona overworked his bullpen early on, trying to win every game with his best, and now their fatigue is starting to show. Like Hideki Okajima, or as I like to call him - "The Guy whose name ESPN announcers butcher every single time". Seriously, how hard is Okajima to pronounce? Learn some Japanese bitches. Anyway, Okajima is not really a great pitcher, contrary to the #s he's put up this year (trust me, this is a 1 time thing, big fuckin disappointment in Boston next year when he gets shelled). Anyway, due to Francona's brilliant bullpen management, Okajima is shuttin down for a bit. Okajima's splits show it all. Papelbon is getting lit up like a christmas tree (or a Boston whore, depending on what metaphor you lke better) consistently. Check out Papelbon's splits. His first half and 2nd half are similar, but he's been getting hit of late. The one thing I like seeing is this:

vs Oak: 18.00 ERA, 1 G, 1.0 IP, 3 H, 2 ER, 1 HR, 1 BB, 0 K, .500 AVG

That's right Johnny Boy, we own your shit. What? Sample size? what sample size?

So here's to you Mr. choking baseball team, w/out you we would have nothing to laugh at. Congratulations Red Sox, you're a bunch of douchebags. Wayne Brady is gonna have to choke a bitch. Does anyone even think the Red Sox will win the AL East (minus Peter Gammons, the most biased journalist of all time)? How's their pitching looking now? Where are Ortiz's PEDs at? Suck it.

Chokin Chokin

2007-09-19T08:32:00.000-07:00

Right now, I think my favorite player in baseball might be Eric Gagne. You are my hero Eric Gagne. After last night, I think deep down, Gagne hates Boston as well, and he is continuing to do his best to sabotage them. Its crazier than one of Vince McMahon's scripts, but its probably true. It looked like they had the Jays wrapped up last night, then Gagne did his best to make sure Toronto won. And a good day to you too sir! Gagne has been lights out for the Red Sox this year, which was just what they expected when they got him for 3 mediocre "prospects" at the deadline :

15G, 14 IP, 23 H, 14 ER, 15/7 (K/BB), 9.00 ERA, 2.14 WHIP

I hope Francona continues to use Gagne like this in the playoffs, and when they lose in the ALDS, hopefully Gagne will be named the series MVP for the Indians, assuming that's who they play. This is based on the assumption that the Indians continue to play well, the Angels slow down, and Boston continues to nosedive. I love how Boston gets almost all of the airtime, but they are quickly choking the AL East away. They had a ridiculous lead on NYY early in the season, I think it was around 14.5 games, and now its down to 2.5 games. I'm pretty sure Boston will wind up w/ the wild card, and I will be stoked. Boston's season is turning into a trainwreck, kind of like the "train wreck" Varitek and Schilling experience when they have too much to drink and lose control. Which one is the catcher again? Who's pitching?

In keeping with their gay tradition, the Red Sox continued to embarass themselves again. Matsuzaka, their $100M+ "man", dressed up as a teletubby?!! Brilliant! You fuckin morons. I know this is something all teams do to their rookies every year, but Boston is just flat out gay (at least in the past the A's just had ridiculous costumes - I think Nick Swisher had to dress as a mustard bottle or some shit).

Matsuzaka and his interpreter - Teletubby

Hideki Okajima - female pirate

Jacoby Ellsbury - female pirate

Clay Buchholz - Minnie Mouse

Brandon Moss - Dorothy from "The Wizard of Oz."

I don't know about you guys, but all of this sounds pretty gay to me. Let's just hope after today their lead continues to drop and hits 1.5 games. Additionally, I don't see what the big deal is about Jacoby Ellsbury--can someone explain? Sure he's got pretty good #s right now, but I assure you that won't continue. He didn't exactly set the world on fire in college or in the minors, but its funny to see ESPN and Peter Gammons get all fired up for some light hitting fast white dude. If you recall, Reggie Willits 2007 season started out similarly, and look at that bitch now. My prediction, Boston goes with Ellsbury as a starter in 2008, and they don't make the playoffs. He's going to be less exciting than Coco Crisp or all the other guys they've thrown money at w/out results.

Finally, I'll end with our A's. Last night was another game we could have had, but of course lost. 5 unearned runs on a Gaudin throwing error? Jeebus! Now we're at 74-79, we've got 9 games left, and we're going to finish under .500 for the first time since 1998, when we were 74-88. This is really fuckin sad. And don't look now, but the Angels are about to win the AL West for the 3rd time in 4 years. What a bunch of bullshit. Since 2000, the Angels have been better than the A's 2 times - 2005 and 2007.

Sure, the Angels won in 2004, but we all know the A's were the much better team, and only lost due to injured pitchers continuing to say they were fine. We see where that's gone now. The LA Monkeys are winning their 3rd division title in 4 years people!...WTF! Fuck Rex Hudler...next time I hear him talking about how the Angels are great because they hack, and the A's need to start hacking to win, I'm going to look at his career stats. They're very amusing.

Beane Count

2007-09-17T11:18:00.001-07:00

So I was looking at the Beane Count today, and I was pretty surprised with what I saw. Namely, as soft and injured as the A's have been this year, they're still 7th out of 14 AL teams in HRs. That's right, as of today, the A's have 161 HRs, while Boston has 149 HRs (9th). That's crazy. Almost as crazy as seeing most of the Boston hitters trading in their HRs for 2Bs this year (see David Ortiz - 2006: 29 2Bs / 54HRs, 2007: 46 2Bs / 31HRs - and don't give me any of this "injury" business. Wow, I just used the term business, who am I, Detective fuckin Columbo??? Jebus.) The A's have also given up the fewest HRs in the AL (128), its good to see Ozzie's "smart balls" have given up 165, good for 12th out of 14. Honestly, there are certain things the A's have done right this year, its just too bad they've done almost everything else poorly.

Leading to my transition - Jeff "fuckin" DaVanon. Seriously, this season is a lost season, however, I'd like to at least see these guys try and finish above .500. That should be the goal right now. In 1987 (McGwire's rookie year), the A's finished 81-81, and then went on to bring the glory back in 88 and beyond. At least keep the above .500 streak alive bitches. If we are at least trying to pick up a few wins and let some young guys play - then let the YOUNG guys play. Jeff DaVanon? Are you fuckin serious Billy???? WTF!

As of today, DaVanon has appeared in 21 games for the A's this year, and tallied 55 ABs (.218 / .290 / .273). Yes, his OBP is higher than his SLG, and his OBP is only .290! Look, DaVanon is at best a AAA or possibly a AAAA player. He has no right to be taking up Major League ABs right now. Sure, the A's drafted him in 1995, but they did the right move and got rid of him in the 90s. He went on to become the typical skill-less/gritty white dude the LA Angels treasured so much. For me, he became so synonymous w/ the White & Gritty Angels that he should not have been allowed to play for anyone else. Somehow, the Angels let him get away and he wound up in Arizona. But why the fuck did he ever end up back in Oakland? Huh? If we aren't trying to win anymore, at least give the ABs to a young OF, to give some experience. DaVanon is 33, possesses almost no (baseball) skills (I can't speak for his karate skills, however) and he's wasting a damn roster spot. He's an older guy that does not make the team better, but actually makes the team worse, if you can imagine.

Just another reason (of many) as to why I don't understand the 2007 season at all. One thing I do know - it was great watching the Yankees beat Boston 2 out of 3. A sweep would have been nice, but at least Boston is going in the wrong direction heading in to the playoffs. I can't wait to watch them get bounced in round 1, and then listen to all of the excuses. Bring it on Gammons.

One last thing - did anyone see the A's game yesterday? I wish I saw Swisher charge Padilla in the 1st. What's up w/ the Rangers throwing at him intentionally? If anything, Texas should appreciate a good handlebar mustache. Bitches.

AL Comeback Player of the Year

2007-09-14T11:27:00.000-07:00

What a gem by Tom Singer, of MLB.com. Check it out here. Tom Singer's unofficial title is "consultant who owns a laptop and does not know anything about baseball or the definition of Comeback Player of the Year". He does get one thing, and only one thing right - Carlos Pena does lead the list. The guy was a can't miss prospect, then he missed, then he moved around a bunch, and now he has 39 HRs in Tampa Bay, 9 more than David Roidtiz. Impressive. Really impressive. Plus with a somewhat low AVG, he has an OBP close to .400. Fucking impressive.

Jose Guillen is another guy he mentions as one of the favorites. Again, you are on to something here. Guillen was hurt and a joke last year, and he's bounced back and may be one of the reasons the M's will finish the year with a better record than the A's. But after this is where Tom Singer eats a dick, literally. Tom Singer, you are a fool.

Rounding out the top 3 contenders, we have Jon Lester, a below average starting pitcher who beat cancer. Look, beating cancer is a big deal. I've had family members who beat cancer that was much more serious than the cancer Lester had. They were not supposed to live, they beat it, and my life is much better now because they beat it. Things would have sucked if they didn't beat it. Did Tom Singer give them the AL Comeback player of the year award? No fuckin way. They probably can throw harder than Noodle arm Lester as well. Look, we all like to hear a good story of someone beating something, but Lester did not have serious cancer, and this has been so blown out of proportion.

For those interested, just for kicks, here are Lester's #s.
2006: 15 GS, 81.3 IP, 91H, 60-43 K-BB, 4.76 ERA, 1.65 WHIP
2007: 9 GS, 50 IP, 51 H, 34-24 K-BB, 4.86 ERA, 1.50 WHIP

Am I missing something here? Singer also mentioned he hasn't lost a game yet this year! He's 4-0! Big Fuckin Deal! He sucks dick! The Comeback Player of the Year should be a guy who came back from an injury or horrible year and then put up good #s the following year. Jon Lester was unimpressive in 2006 (pre-cancer) and remains unimpressive in 2007 (post-cancer). C'mon. Look at Lester's WHIP, K-BB ratios and ERAs, and tell me this is anything to care about. Try it.

Take a look at Gil Heredia in 1999 and 2000 at the ages of 33 and 34. Dr. Gil blows Lester out of the water. If Lester didn't play in Boston, no one would have ever heard his name.

Additionally, Singer lists 2 "Contenders" - Fausto Carmona and Casey Kotchman.

In 2006, Carmona was near mental breakdown after blowing every save opportunity he had. The guy got owned almost every time he went out there, and he was only 22 years old. He came back this year as a starter, at the age of 23, and has been legit.

2006: 38 G, 7 GS, 74.7 IP, 88 H, 58-31 (K-BB), 5.42 ERA, 1.59 WHIP
2007: 29 GS, 194 IP, 184H, 117-57 (K-BB), 3.20 ERA, 1.24 WHIP

Look at the chances in Fauto's #s and Lester's #s, and tell me who has had a greater comeback? IS that comparison even worth looking at? I could throw W-L in there for those people who care, but its not worth the time since W-L record is meaningless. Kotchman has had a good comeback year as well, but I don't like the guy and I think he's a bitch. I won't bother posting his stats, I linked him though.

Is there some way we can remove the Boston Red Sox from MLB to make the world a better place? When I'm in charge, that's the first thing I do. Then we don't have to listen to biased blowhards like Peter Gammons talk a bunch of bullshit. Peter Gammons is a clown.

Steroid Investigation is a joke

2007-09-13T09:17:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has been by here probably knows how I feel about steroids and HGH. There are some things that I've heard over the last year that I thought were pretty suspicious, and I did a little research in to. Its funny how Selig has had George Mitchell lead the investigation for the last couple of years. This is really old news, but I've never claimed to be on top of things. Does anyone else wonder why no Red Sox names have come out, but guys like Ankiel, Glaus, Giambi, and a bunch of scrubs have? Well, if you look into Mitchell's bio, the fucker is a director and part owner of the Boston Red Sox. Can anyone say conflict of interest? Yeah, me neither.

"Mitchell also serves as a Director in the front office for the Boston Red Sox."

What a fuckin joke. I think this is all just a big witch hunt anyone, and I don't really give a shit, but this is still a total joke. They're not really looking for people who have used or are still using, just ones who are minor names and won't hurt the Red Sox or the game. Schilling, Ortiz (c'mon!), Kapler (retired roids), Lowell, etc - these names will never come out because it would hurt George Mitchell to implicate them. Fuck off Boston....cheaters in football and baseball.

Does anyone else find any of this suspicious, or is it just me? When I take over and have to investigate something in MLB, I'm only going to punish Red Sox. Because they're gay....

Everyone from Boston cheats

2007-09-12T10:27:00.000-07:00

Well, now we know why the Patriots have consistently won for the last 6 years or so - they FUCKIN CHEAT! I was always suspicious, since they always seemed to beat teams that were better than them. How else can you explain they beat the Raiders in the Snowbowl - sure, the bullshit non-fumble call did it, but they were also cheating. There is no way they could have beat SD last year without cheating, and now we know that is how it happened. What a bunch of bullshit - fuck everyone from Boston.

Now, in panic mode, Belichick tries to cover his ass. I bet you're really sorry Belichick, sorry that you got fuckin caught. Cheater.

Shame on you New England. The only reason for this "dynasty" is cheating. Congratulations sons, you're a bunch of douchebags. Its funny, since this was a Boston team that has been cheating, I guarantee you the "punishment" will be next to nothing. If this were the Raiders, they would probably be thrown out of the league or some shit. Same thing with the Red Sox---as the guys from firejoemorgan have pointed out, guys like Ankiel and Glaus' names have come up in some HGH scandal in red neck FL from 2003/2004. However, its funny how those are the names that have been leaked, and not the people from Boston who have certainly used something - ie. David Ortiz (basically admitted it), Schilling, Lowell (used roids when he had a nut removed), not to mention guys like Drew, Varitek (c'mon! we all know!) and so many others. How come it seems they are always safe from punishment, leaks and scandal? Its bullshit, that's why.

Fuck you cheaters. Predictions for the punishment? I say the commissioner makes them use slightly lower quality cameras next time they cheat----this weekend.

The most intelligent story at ESPN

2007-09-11T18:39:00.000-07:00

I found a gem by Jim Caple recently over at Page 2 ESPN. This was actually written quite a while ago, but I haven't had time to post it. I definitely recommend reading this. Its good to see there is one guy at ESPN who gets it. Jim Caple understands exactly what we have all been talking about for quite a few years. I would consider drinking beers with you Mr. Caple.

Here is a great quote from someone in the media in 2003 after NYY beat Boston to advance to the World Series (Boo Hoo!)...

"Damn," I said. "I was really looking forward to a Cubs-Red Sox World Series."
"No, we didn't want that," he said. "Because right now we have one group of totally obnoxious fans we have to deal with. And if the Cubs or the Red Sox were to win, then we would have two."

I couldn't agree more with that response. I haven't seen many ridiculous Cubs fans, but that might just be because I'm an A's fan and go to many more AL games. For the most part, the Cubs fans I've seen (interleague) have basically been drunk. They don't come off as complete jerkoffs like Red Sox fans, but I understand what Caple's colleague was getting at. And honestly, Yankees fans and Red Sox fans are no longer in the same league. They're both jerkoffs, but Yankees fans are not complete assholes like the fans from Boston. For the most part, Boston fans come off as the most uniformed in all of MLB.

"As soon as the Red Sox won the 2004 World Series, Boston fans took on a swaggering, entitled persona, acting as if they alone invented sports fandom and behaving as if nothing else in baseball mattered but them."

This is true, although it actually happened even before 2004. Once the team was sold to John Henry (which was a total scam), and the Red Sox were flush with cash, the bandwagon knuckleheads came out. I remember going to an A's Red Sox game earlier in 2003 in Oakland, and all of the Red Sox fans were complete assholes and acted entitled. Honestly, this was going on even in the few years before Henry bought the team. Let's just say I've never met a cool or nice Red Sox fan.

What we really need is a wall, a moat and a minefield around New England to keep the spoiled citizens of Red Sox Nation from sneaking into the rest of the country and taking over seats in major league ballparks that should go to hard-working local fans. Everywhere the Red Sox play these days turns into a road version of Fenway Park, with Boston fans occasionally drowning out the hometown fans with their "Let's Go Red Sox!" chants.

I completely agree with this as well. Am I the only one that's tired of all the Red Sox fans who go to the games in other series? Alright, we know you're bandwagoners, just go watch the game at your local shitty Boston bar. We have one of these in Santa Monica, I plan on watching Red Sox games there and rooting for whoever plays Boston. I think the place is called Sonny McLeans, but they might as well just call it "White Trash Bar".

Congratulations Red Sox Nation, you are all a bunch of douchebags. In case you didn't know it, everyone else in the country hates you and hopes you lose. Eat a dick. I can't wait to watch you choke away the rest of the season. As for the A's - bring on 2008. Get some goddamn hitting as well Billy!

The Good News Keeps Coming

2007-08-29T18:53:00.000-07:00

In a shitty season where our Oakland A's won't make the playoffs, and the way things look they won't even finish at .500, we got another bit of GREAT news today. First it was Ken-DOLL who was discarded like a used tampon. Now, w/ $8.5M still owed to him, the A's were able to unload D-U-I-za. God bless Ned Colletti - the smartest man in the world. Seriously, is Ned Colletti in some competition with his mentor Brian Sabean as well as Kenny "The Jet" WIlliams and Theo Epstein to be the worst GM in baseball? It's beyond explanation at this point.

Feel free to comment on how happy you are. I know I am. Are the Dodgers this desperate for pitching or just this stupid? I'm thinking the latter. Its just too bad that we couldn't have forced a PTBNL out of this deal, but beggars can't be choosers. And hookers can't be classy.

Thanks to Amos for the tip. And you're welcome for not posting a picture of DUIza.

The Shit is broke

2007-08-21T19:29:00.000-07:00

Just for kicks, here is an email I sent to my true A's brethren today, and they told me to post it so that people can get a glimpse of what is going on in what remains of my mind. Here it is---

==================

That is the one thing that kills me, our minor league system is dryer than my sense of humor. Its barren son! Not Baron, but barren. The system is broken, much like the UCLA ticket lottery. its broken son! All the teams w/ money are able to quickly re-stock their minor league systems (Boston, NYY, Detroit, LAA), because the top talent doesn't go to the top picks since they are all represented by Scott Boras and demand high $$$. All of those teams are able to get guys who should go like #1-5 w/ the 40th pick. Is that fair? Hell no. And here we are stuck w/ all our hopes riding on Carney Lansford's son and a dude we stole from StL named Daric. Its BS.

We need more homegrown talent, and there's not much coming through anytime soon. I think we need to refocus our draft strategy and find a way to sign the top talent.

====================
This was primarily sparked by an email I received from Amos w/ our pathetic lineup listed. Funny thing is, now that the season is over, we're actually starting to score runs. My email was mainly due to my buddy telling me he read an article that said our minor league system is now ranked 3rd to last in baseball. Sad. Really fuckin sad. The system is total bullshit as it stands, a system where Boston and the rest of the bitches can get the top guys in the supplemental round and rounds 2 and 3, because no one else can pay them what they demand. The only good thing is when shitheads like Craig Hansen are supposed to be sure things, and they wind up suckin dick in AAA for the rest of their lives. Eat a dick Peter Gammons, you white haired bitch! Cape Cod can suck it.

Eric Gagne you're my hero!

2007-08-18T09:26:00.000-07:00

God bless you Eric Gagne! You are the man. Look, we all know the A's aren't making the playoffs this year - at least they've shown signs of life lately (against crappy teams), and could finish the season right around .500, but the playoffs are not in our cards. I hate the LA Monkeys, and would rather see Seattle win the West, but I don't really mind if the Monkeys beat Boston, because the Red Sox are everything that is wrong w/ MLB and I still have hope that Boston will not make the playoffs. Fuck those racist bastards.

Back to my main point here though. I was initially pissed that Boston got Gagne for nothing from Texas, but now I think it was all for the best. I have a conspiracy theory working here, and its all about Gagne. It turns out Gagne might have an IQ over 35, and realizes Boston is a bullshit town and team, and he decides since he only had a 1year contract, he'd waive his no trade clause, go to Boston, and single handedly sabotage their 2007 season, knowing that he could intentionally pitch like shit and Francona is too stupid to pull him out of games. Seriously, when is Francona gonna live? I think all that dip has leaked into whatever amount of brains he has left.

Gagne's line for the year is awesome and brings a smile to my face.
By team:
Texas: 34Games, 33.3 IP, 23H, 12BB, 29K, 2.16ERA, 1.05 WHIP (16 Svs)
Boston: 7 Games, 6 IP, 14H, 3BB, 8K, 15.00 ERA, 2.83 WHIP

Btw. I happened to TiVo this game since I actually get all the Monkeys games, and it had various elements of hilarity. Scot Shields completely imploding in the 8th, when the game was LAA's. Watching him damn near cry on the bench when he was taken out. Then Gagne giving the game to the Monkeys (intentionally). But the funniest part was in the 9th, when Youkilis K'd. He was right in his argument, looked like he foul tipped the ball, but is there any player in baseball gayer than Kevin Youkilis? The dude looks like a homo, but acts more like one. I'm pretty sure I saw him wipe his tears w/ a pink handkerchief. I'm so glad the A's didn't get that fool. He's a serviceable 1B, but after his early hot streak, he's come back down to earth, and his #s are not that impressive. At this point, his line is .294 / .394 / .455. A .455 SLG as a 1B in Fenway is nothing to write home about bitches. Fuck you Youkilis, shave off your homo butt beard, I can't stand to look at that thing!

Monkey's vs AIDS at 4pm PST today. It looks like "Fake Bloody Sock" Schilling is pitching, hopefully he gets shelled again. I don't really have to hope though, the bitch will. Speaking of Schilling, one last comment on steroids. I find it funny how only one person gets shit and * talk and that's Bonds. Yeah, it came out that he and Giambi have done it (through illegal testimony leakage), and now Giambi is off scott free. Bonds is kind of a douchebag, but the guy has hit the most HRs ever. When Bonds was in Boston, the Fenway Retarded had signs about cheating, etc, but its funny that they totally ignore all the roids their team has done. I guarantee you David Ortiz has done a Baja Fresh Dos Manos burrito worth of roids just last year alone. People who talk of Bonds hitting way more HRs late, what about Ortiz?

Age 25 - 18HRs
Age 26 - 20HRs
Age 27 - 31HRs
Age 28 - 41 HRs
Age 29 - 47 HRs
Age 30 - 54 HRs

This is not natural progression ladies and bitches. Plus, have you seen Ortiz's rookie card? He was like 80 LBs lighter. And it looks like he wears a size 9.5 Hat now, FYI. I could probably name 4 or 5 other Red Sox who have obviously done tons of roids, but why bother? Fuck you Boston. And God Bless you Eric Gagne, keep on keepin' on.

John Lackey, Rhodes Scholar

2007-08-06T18:26:00.000-07:00

The A's had a chance to manhandle the LA Monkeys, but they choked the game away on Sunday. That didn't stop John Lackey from taking a run at the 2007 title for "Biggest Shithead to Play Baseball." Apparently Lackey, a dumb redneck from Texas (steers and queers baby) is jealous of all the stupid quotes Curt Schilling gets into the mainstream media. John Lackey can't let Schilling beat him at this game! Now I'll rip off the "Fire Joe Morgan" style, and recap some of the classics in this article. This, of course, is all in reference to the pitch Dan Haren threw behind Vlad.

"If you're going to give out a warning, throw him out," Lackey said. "If you think he's throwing at a guy, that's the rule. Don't give a warning before I get my shot. They got off free."

Alright, so let me get this straight, Lackey thinks it would be appropriate to throw Danny Haren out of the ball game during the 3 hitter's AB? Haren had thrown somewhere between 10 and 15 pitches at this point, and its time to send him to the showers because one got away and went behind Vlad (and missed him by a mile). Honestly, if Haren wanted to nail Vlad, I'm pretty sure he could. Also, wouldn't he have just thrown at his head or his hand if he was trying to send a message? I think they did jump the gun, and it was premature to give a warning to both sides, when Vlad didn't even get hit, but obviously Haren isn't going to get thrown out of the game jackass.

Finally, did the A's really get off "free"? Last series Bobby Crosby got his hand broken by a pitch from Speier, and 2 games ago Shields hit Suzuki on the hand. What the fuck is that all about?! Go FUCK YOURSELF John Lackey, like your dad showed you how to do growing up on that farm in Texas. And now, more from the Co-President of MENSA---

"They think we hit a rookie catcher and they throw at one of the best players on the planet? That's dumb," Lackey said. "That's not going to go unnoticed. ... I'm not real surprised regarding their actions. I don't see how a 1-2 pitch to a rookie catcher correlates to them throwing at an MVP on a team that's in a race."

Alright, John, I know you weren't paying attention, because you chatting with your cousins on Adult FriendFinder, but the Angels actually hit 2 A's in the last 2 series, breaking Bobby Crosby's (not a rookie, and some people actually thought this guy was supposed to be good!) and hitting Suzuki (a rookie) in the hand, but he's strong enough that it didn't break any bones. Actually, its probably because Shields is a bitch who throws 86 MPH and couldn't break anything if he tried. So apparently hitting 2 different A's in the hand in a similar style is of no consequence. I think Haren should have hit Vlad in the fuckin dome. I don't think Haren threw at Vlad, but he should have. Are the 2 A's that got hit by Angels pitchers meaningless? Fuck off John Lackey, the Angels aren't making the playoffs anyway, now that your offense is showing how bad it really is.

Along with Suzuki's plunking Friday, Angels reliever Justin Speier hit Bobby Crosby on the hand on July 24, breaking several bones and knocking Crosby out of action for a month or more. On April 17, Oakland's Chad Gaudin hit Howie Kendrick and Kendrick missed 32 games with a broken hand. Going back farther, Lackey memorably tussled with then-A's catcher Jason Kendall in May 2006, when Kendall took exception to something Lackey said and charged the mound.

Ah Ha! So Chad Gaudin hit rookie Howie Kendrick in the hand, and Shields hit Suzuki in the hand. Even Steven. Speier hit Bobby Crosby, a non-rookie, in the hand and broke it, so the A's need to hit a non-rookie Angel in the hand. Easy enough. So basically Haren should have hit Vlad in the hand, and we'd be all even. I also put that excerpt in, because it was really funny when Jason Kendall charged Lackey and took him down. Kendall was pretty weak, and it was funny to watch Lackey as Kendall approached, showing he had no idea how to fight. What do they do to pass the time in Texas? Wrangle?

Congratulations John Lackey, you're a douchebag!!!!

The disease is spreading!

2007-07-31T19:05:00.000-07:00

On the trade deadline, it looks like another innocent victim has been infected with the diseason. The Boston Red Sox are turning into a real life version of Outbreak! The city is more diseased than that fuckin monkey. Since the Red Sox have to get whatever they want, Gagne is now fullblown---its worse than if he had been hanging out at Magic Johnson's house.

I guess now that the clowns running the Red Sox see that their bullpen is completely overrated, they reacted by getting the best available reliever. You can't blame Texas, although they didn't get much in return. Gabbard is completely overrated, and they sold him while his value was high. He ain't shit, he's a typical Boston bitch, like RiTardo and Lester---these guys are all #8 starters.

Additionally, they get Reggie Willits' less "talented" retarded brother-David Murphy. Murphy is just another no talent, little white dude, like Eckstein, Willits, etc. I bet he's gritty as hell though! This reaction came when people realized that Papelbon isn't as good as people make him out to be (did you see that 2-Run shot Johnny Gomes hit off him? Jesus! Jesus man!), Delcarmen really isn't shit, but due to his small sample size, people thought he would be a good RP, and Donnelly's disease has kicked in full blown. That shit is real son!

The only good thing about this deal is one of a couple different bad scenarios are bound to play out. Since Gagne only has a 1 year deal, he's a free agent at the end of 2007. If he somehow does well (won't happen), he's going to be paid next year, so he'll either leave Boston or they'll overpay for him. The more likely scenario though, is Gagne's arm will break during his first pitch in a Boston uniform, and everyone will cheer Theo on. You're my boy blue!

Boston's SP is going to fail them now though. They're going to get thin really soon, which is going to be awesome. So Gagne, break a leg---litterally! Suck it.

Fuck Boston. Now all I really care about for '07 is that they get their asses handed to them. Go Yankees. Fuck Boston. Gammons is a bitch. And Fuck Kevin Garnett too, big headed bitch. I can't wait to see the Celtics lose as well, w/ 3 ballhogs on their team, w/ no Center or PG. Yeah, that's gonna play out real well. Way to go Danny Ainge.

Past Trades, Current Bitches

2007-07-29T18:09:00.000-07:00

So we all hear about Billy Bean'e trades. I've read Moneyball. You've ready Moneyball. Your friend is a homo. At any rate, while watching today's Monkey's vs Tigers game, I'm reminded of one trade that reminded me of another.

Jeremy Bonderman: This guy is one of the most overrated baseball players in recent memory. Bonderman is a bitch and a fruitcake. He grew up in Kennewick, WA, and I was "fortunate" enough to spend time near there for work from 2002-2003. Its an area known as "Tri-cities", yet even the locals call it the "Tri-Shities". And it is. I'm lucky if I haven't contracted radiation from the time I've spent there. There's 2 bars that are decent in the area, but the rest is filled w/ radiation, 3 eyed people, and Bondermans. They are all basically the same. Jeremy Bonderman has reached "Bitch" status. He had a pretty good year last year, but that's it. Not even a good year, and he's getting rocked this year, and gave up 6 runs in the 1st 2 innings against the Angels tonight. He's really not that good of a pitcher, but I love it when the "analysts" see his 10-2 record this year and think the a's got hosed. Bonderman is a joke. And so are the TIgers. Btw. Bonderman is really fuckin bad, like AAA bad...

Neal Cotts: This is more of a joke than anything. In 2005, I saw a lot of shit from Whitesox fans talking about how the A's got completely ripped off in the Billy Koch and Neal Cotts for Keith Foulke trade from his 2005 season. Really? For thsoe of you keeping score, after Kenny Williams lucked into the "magical" 2005 season, Neal Cotts came back down to earth and ate a dick in 2006. Now he is eating a fat dick across town for the Chicago Cubs. For those keeping score, Foulke was money for the A's for 1 year, completely sold out and inherited AIDS, then sucked ass for the AIDS for 2 years before being let go. His family will regret the day that he sold out for the rest of time. And they will all have AIDs, just like their brethren. Suck it Boston, you're a bunch of bitches.

Who should pay for my drinking problem?

2007-07-29T16:19:00.000-07:00

Alright, last year we completely owned Seattle, which was the main reason we won the West. Now, we're 3-9 against Seattle, and soon to be 3-10, after our pitching completely blew a good lead. Honestly, Seattle has been a complete joke since 2002, and I don't see how the 2007 team is any different from the 2006 team (other than adding Jeff "Aloha Mr. Hand" Weaver to the team). This team is really pissing me off, and my main questions are:

1. Who is to blame for the amount of drinking I now have to do to put up w/ the 2007 A's
2. Who is going to fund my drinking?

This is an open letter to Lew Wolff and Billy Beane. Both of you are fucking with the team I have loved since 1977, and you should fund my new found drinking problem. Additionally, I heard a scary rumor (can't speak to the truth of this, its just a rumor) that Lew Wolff is moving the A's to Fremont, getting them in a new stadium, then he will cash out soon and sell the team within a year or two to make a quick buck. We all know that once teams get new stadiums, they become much more valuable. If Lew Wolff is truly considering this, as the real estate developer that he is, its total bullshit. Its probably a false rumor, but it still makes me nervous.

Well, its officially over, the 2007 A's are not capable of holding on to a 10-7 lead. Game over : 14-10. This team is a fucking joke, and someone needs to be held responsible for this bullshit. The Angels and Mariners are not very good teams, but somehow we're like 12 games back. This is the most painful season I've been through since the 90s. Remember the 90s, specifically the late 90s, when we were perennial losers? You know, when we were like Boston. Well, at least then we had guys like Matt Stairs and John Jaha. We had an excuse. Now we've got bitches like Bobby Crosby and Eric Chavez, guys who can't stay healthy or hit. I hate Boston and the rest of the season, my goal is to make sure they don't make the playoffs, but at least their players all want to win enough that they pop steroids like candy. See, the Red Sox want to win so much that guys like Lowell, Schilling, ORTIZ (for sure), Manny, Varitek, they all take steroids because they want to make it to the postseason. Maybe our players should start doing roids too?

Boston also has the luxury of playing a lot of games against one of the worst teams in the last 20 years - the TB Devil Rays. Fortunately for us, their $100M man lost to them today. Suck it homos.

I'm calling you out Beane and Wolff - Oakland deserves better than this. This is bullshit. If we're going to be this bad, we might as well be the lovable losers of 1997. Fuck you all, get us some wins!

Btw. I'm glad to see Cancer boy got rocked yesterday. Lester is a bitch and always will be, he can (and does) suck it for all I care. Eat a dick Peter Gammons. If Boston and LAA don't make the playoffs, 2007 will be a mild success for me. This needs to happen. And Lew Wolff needs to give me $200 a week to keep following this team. Booze is not cheap in Santa Monica son. And yes, I know being drunk on a Sunday at 4:30 does not happen unless you're an A's fan!

New Sister Blog

2007-07-23T18:48:00.000-07:00

Head on over and check it out, we've got a new sister blog.

2007 Midseason Awards

2007-07-18T18:43:00.001-07:00

Well, its late, but its time for the 2nd Annual BostonHasAids Midseason awards. Probably not as good as last years, but we're doing them anyway!

Thank God He's Gone Award - Jason Kendall. It's 2.5 years too late, but finally Beane-o gets rid of Kendall. Its too bad he was ever a member of our team. I still wish Beane had held on to Barrett, rather than flipping him to Chicago for Damien Miller. Barrett showed he's not afraid to punch people in the mouth, something our team needs. Who knows, if we had Barrett a couple of years ago, maybe he could have bitch slapped Bobby Crosby and Rich Harden into playing well....or playing at all.

The GM with the biggest drinking problem - Kenny Williams. I guess Kenny likes to have his team full of players who are as bad as he was. Seriously, check out his career stats. I had forgotten that he actually played in parts of 6 seasons, but his career batting line was .218 / .269 / .339. Shit, does that mean Jason Kendall is qualified to be a GM? Maybe not, since Williams didn't play in the Majors after he was 27. At any rate, the point of this is what the fuck does WIlliams even think about when he makes all of these bonehead moves? The one I'm talking about is the Mark Buehrle signing---4 years, $56M earlier this month. He's got decent numbers for this year (got hammered last year), but its still early. His numbers should suck by the end of 2007, and Kenny Dubbs will be on the hook for $56 Mil. Nice. Sexy Time.

Magic Johnson award - Curt Schilling. This goes to the player with the most advanced form of AIDS who somehow defies nature and continues to "survive". They must have expense drugs out there in Boston, and apparently what ever they're giving him has the side effect of making one talk a lot incoherently about some bullshit. That's all I can think of to explain why this guy is such a fucking idiot. Well, I guess its that or genetics. Don't look now, but the disease does continue to cause regression in his "abilities", and I know it doesn't sound like a big deal now, but Boston is only 7 games up on the Yankees. 2 years in a row out of the postseason? Sounds awesome to me.

The World is Flat award - everyone at BBTN. All the dumb fat fucks who work for ESPN are insane, and make insane comments similar to "the world is flat". My main case here (although there are 8 bazillion of them) was when they were making their case that Sammy Sosa should be an all-star. Really?!#&$&@ First off, the all-star game is stupid. However, if we are trying to make a point for the best people to be there, is Sosa your guy? His current line is .243 / .297 / .449. But he does have 14 HRs, awesome! The main point of their argument was that he had a bunch of RBIs (he currently has 64 RBIs). Well played gentlemen.

Paris Hilton award - Reggie Willits. Seriously, is there a bigger bitch in MLB than Reggie? He's played in 76 games so far and has 89 TB! 89! His SLG is .362 while his OBP is .405! Yeah he gets on, but if the outfielders all moved in to the infield, he'd never get a hit. Seriously, why don't teams just put all 9 guys on the dirt? He'd never get a hit. Plus, the guy has a fuckin noodle arm. Watching LAA games, I get to see him flail as he tries to throw. He makes Damon look like he has a fuckin hose.

That's it for now. The A's piss me off too much to take things seriously right now.

If I think of any more bullshit, I'll append.

So long to the $10M Man

2007-07-16T18:18:00.000-07:00

In a season that has sucked much ass, we finally have some good news. I didn't see this until I got home, but I honestly didn't believe it when I first read it. I thought it was some cruel joke by the MLB media, toying w/ A's fans yet again. JASON KENDALL IS NO LONGER A MEMBER OF THE OAKLAND A'S!!!!! I don't know shit about the 2 guys we receive in return, and for all I care, they can wear dresses. I think its time for us to start a "Jason Kendall is gone dance". I created one of these in college, where I would throw on music and dance around when one of my buddies shit head buddies would finally leave our apartment. Honestly, the 2007 season has been bullshit, but when we look back, this will be a fond memory. So long Jay. You may have been a good defensive catcher, but you were a waste of space as a hitter.

So we get Rob Bowen and Jerry Blevins in return. Honestly, if we don't have to pay Kendall anything for the rest of 2007, I would have given him to the Cubs for free. I'm looking forward to the Kurt Suzuki era bitches. Suzuki is young and has a long way to go, but he's 8 million times the hitter Jason Kendall is. And, oh yeah, he's a good catcher too!

The funniest part of this story for me was the headline: "The Cubs are thinking of the playoffs. Chicago added a veteran for a second-half run on Monday, acquiring A's catcher Jason Kendall." What playoffs are the geniuses at ESPN talking about? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe the Cubs are eligible for the AA Playoffs. This is going to be hilarious. As far as I'm concerned, this is not a "Sellers" move for the A's. If anything, this makes the team much better. The Cubs, meanwhile, are 3.5 games back in the Central right now, but with this move, they'll probably finish 11 games back. Way to go!

Are the A's going to make a run this year, or will we be stuck watching mediocrity for the rest of '07?

Tough 1st Half

2007-07-13T23:15:00.000-07:00

I've been an A's fan for a long fuckin time, and this was one of the most difficult 1st halves I've had to sit through. First off, is it telling enough that a cool dude like Danny Haren had to waste his time hanging out w/ losers like Josh Beckett, John Lackey and Jonina Papelbon during the All-star "weekend" in SF? The only 3 dudes that I can think of that would be worse to spend time with would be Hitler, Lenin, and Joe Morgan. Seriously, poor fuckin Danny H. Can you imagine the conversation? I can. It probably went something like this:

Danny H: Dude, so this is sweet right, we're all All-Stars and some of the best pitchers in the AL. I'm pumped that we're all having great season.

John Lackey: So Y'all, its been 8 years since I've closed my mouth.

Jonina Papelbon: So what's up y'all? I've heard there's a bunch of hot guys ready to party in San Francisco. This is awesome. I only get average looking dudes in Boston. They're all bald and fat.

Josh Beckett: Papelbon, if you're ass is a Chinese restaurant, I'll have the Pu Pu Platter (Blood Hound Gang).

So there you have it, even if you're an "All-star" from Boston, you're still a HOMO. That sucks.

This first half was one of the worst 1st halves I've lived through. This is like the late 90's or mid 80's A's. This is rough. As if being a .500 team (44-44) at the half wasn't bad enough, we're now 2 games under .500, and some 10 games back of a team that has a circus joke of a lineup (LA Monkeys). I plan to post my 2nd Annual mid season awards soon.

Beane - get some fuckin' balls. This team can be much better than this. I'm tired of the idiots on ESPN pretending to know they know baseball.

Btw. has anyone seen this bullshit "who is more now"? what the fuck does that mean? I'm more now than the fuckers who are voiting on this bullshit! seriously, knock it off, you're ruining my moring. This More Now bullshit is on when I have to go to work...I'd much rather see real sports, than some bull shit brakett consisting of Eli Manning versus Calvin Schiraldi. Trust me, none of you are now bitches!

Reggie Willits is a bitch

2007-07-04T20:10:00.000-07:00

Seriously, is there some reason that Reggie Willits gets props? is it because he's a bitch?/?? Sure, he get's on base, like any leadoff hitter is supposed to, but he does it like a bitch.

Let's look at Reggie Willits' line for the season:

70-212 (67 games), 39R, 11 2B, 1 3B, 0 HR, 24 RBI, 36 BB, 34 K, 18 SB, 2 CS, .330 / .423 / .392 (AVG / OBP / SLG).

Dude, seriously....if you have an OBP higher than your slugging PCT (especially after 67 games) you're a bitch! seriously, Reggie Willits, I hate to break this to you, but you're a fuckin' bitch. go home. we're all tired of you. you suck.

The Angels really anger me because of how much they suck.. Seriously. the fuckin' suck. Reggie is probably one of the worst players I've ever seen. Go home bitch. I've seen about 5 times where he tried to throw guys out at home on a sac fly, and he had trouble reaching the infield. Reggie, we get it, you've got a noodle arm. Go back to AAA bitch! you suck my dick...

David Ortiz misses his PEDs

2007-07-04T19:30:00.000-07:00

like a bitch. David Ortiz is probably the most prominent baseball player who has abused steroid who apparently no one knows about. Seriously, he sucked down PEDs at a faster rate that Jose Canseco (by a metric fuckin mile!). Seriously, just for kicks, lets look at ROIDs poster boy David Ortiz, versus blue collar, AAAA player to be rekoned with, Jack Cust. For the record, for those of you bitches who don't know, David Ortiz is an average baseball player who for some reason is considered to be really good, while Jack Cust is a AAAA player who was unknown (except for to Billy Beane) prior to this season:

Fatty Ortiz: 86-280, 49R, 27 2B, 13 HR, 49 RBI, 54 BB, 55K, .307 / .421 / .543 (BA / OBP / SLG)

Jack Cust: 46-164, 29R, 9 2B, 15 HR, 39 RBI, 33 BB, 66K, .280 / .402 / .610 (BA/OBP/SLG)

Seriously, Jack Cust, a $300K player is equal or better to a flat out bitch. Fuck David Ortiz, he's a straight up Homo. David Ortiz, congratulations son, you a homo. Happy 4th fag boy. Good to know the Red Sox are a bunch of fags.

So anyway, I just wanted to show how an MBA can make Jack Cust look better than David Ortiz. So to all of you drunk ass Boston losers, Jack Cust is actually more valuable than your fat roid juicing poster boy...How does that feel fags?!!!! Must suck to be a fan of a team that will lose in the 1st round of the playoffs if they even make it. Btw. David Ortiz's OPS+ is 152 while Jack Cust's is 169. Suck on that Boston losers.

So the A's lost today, and it was pathetic. They are starting to look decent though, and before you know it (maybe in Aug) they will be better than Boston. It might be a weird summer, but watch out son...A's bitch! Boston's pitching will fold soon, they might as well call it Boston bitching. Suck it fags. Jack Cust is better than David Ortiz this year. Nuff said you fuckin cock divers. I swear to god, people from Boston might be the gayest people in the world.

Suck it up A's. The only Athletic on the All Star squad is Dan Haren, while a bunch of homos from Anaheim and Boston are on the squad. That should be motivation enough. As my boy ED used to say, "Watch out once my boys start to hit, things will be scary!". Scary indeed you mutha fucka!!!!!

Fletch out this bitch!

Hey Everyone, I'm an Asshole!

2007-06-28T20:22:00.000-07:00

Check it out, my name is Joakim Noah, and I'm a total Douchebag!

The only bad part of this for me was I was hoping dumb assed Danny Ainge would draft Noah. It makes it so much easier if all of the players I hate player for sorry assed Boston franchises. Efficiency my friends, it is easier to channel all of my hate to one city. Its a kaizen thing.

For those of you who are curious, Joaqim Noah is essentially the Curt Schilling of basketball. Well, he is, except for the fact that it is unsure if he has ever sucked off Jason Varitek like Curt. Its possible though, Florida isn't really that far from Boston. And Noah and Varitek both like to wear dresses. Hmm....

These Guys Stink

2007-06-27T07:07:00.000-07:00

Fuckin' A's. The 2008 Season is starting to get really bad now. First, the pathetic sweep at the hands of Willie Randolph's mom. Now, 2 pathetic games in a row. We had crooked hat Sabathia beat, but didn't get him in the jugular. You gotta go for the jugular. Then, yesterday's game was all but wrapped up, and Embree bitched out. Really badly. This game had all the typical A's failures---early on, w/ one out and the bases loaded, Chavez popped out, which resulted in no runs. Cust then ended the inning flailing. Embree went on to pitch like he was still a member of the Boston Red Sox in the 9th. Thanks Al! You bitch!

I need a break from these bitches, they're really pissing me off. I'm going to try to take some time off from following the team intently, until they grow some fuckin balls and learn how to hit. Sack up ladies....