Boston leads the league in pedophilia

Alright, I've been called out by my "fans" in Connecticut. Here's the thing---I'm lazy, and I've been busy. Fuck, don't you know how much time it takes to keep your eye on Fat Sam?

Anyway, people are right. I need to stop fucking around. A lot of shit has gone down in the last 6 months, and I've been like Dante Stallworth at the wheel. Only difference is, I still have my drivers license. So just for kicks, check out Jason Giambi's career stats. Then check out David Roidtiz's stats. Pretty interesting stuff. One thing of note: At the age of 42, David Ortiz is now at 300 career HRs (and the world's smallest testicles), while at the age of 38, Jason Giambi now has 407 career HRs. Giambi looks like he's done and is having a horrible year, but is there any doubt that 20 years from now people will look back and say wow, Jason Giambi could hit while David Ortiz "I'm sorry, who?". Exactly. As Brandon Walsh would say, nice size 12 hat Chief. Juice much?

Keep in mind I know Giambi's history, but fucking c'mon people. Ortiz is a comic book character, but the one who sucks. At any rate, big news this season...somehow the Red Sox are doing well, even though Dustin PEDroia sucks, yet the dumb fans voted him in to the All-star game even though Ian Kinsler is 800% better than him. Also, Ian Kinsler does not molest 14 year guys. Definitely a positive. Also, in case you were wondering, PEDroia has a 103 OPS+, and I'm confident that I could put up a 105 OPS+ this season. I'm just saying. Also, I'm taller than 5'3". Btw. Kinsler has 20 HRs, while Pederass has 4 HRs. Also, Pederass' range is so bad his brother is in jail.

I'm also glad to see that Peter Gammons is not senile and old and useless. Last year, he said Bartolo Colon was throwing 98 MPH and the best of his life. This year, John Smoltz is set to set records and be the first pitcher to win 2 Cy youngs in the same season! Because he bent your mom over and fucked her twice! Fucking right! Well, Peter Gammons is totally impartial, and John Smoltz's old ass has been dominant this year. Don't believe me? Check. Is there anyone less relevant or less knowledgeable about baseball than Gammons? Yes, his name is Terry Francona. Tito!

So have fun Boston. Make sure you wipe the cum off Gammons' face when he's done.