Godspeed Kotsay

I honestly feel bad for Mark Kotsay. It's old news now, but I'm fucking busy OK. I actually laughed my ass off when I first heard that Boston got Kotsay from the Braves. First off, how awesome is the Kotsay for Devine deal now? Joey Devine is everything Boston claimed Craig Hansen was (awesome) , or the exact opposite of what Hansen was in reality. In case you were wondering, since Hansen was traded to Pittsburgh, he has pitched 10 innings and has a K/BB ratio of 3/12. Wowsers.

Anyway, back to the fucking point here. I always liked Mark Kotsay and couldn't believe we got him from the Padres for Ramon Hernandez and T Fucking Long after the 2003 season. What a deal. Of course Kotsay's injury risks did come to ring true, but Kotsay was more than I ever expected in 2004. That was the only year that he really did much with his bat, but the guy was hands down the best CF I've ever seen play. The guy was ridiculous. I don't know that he's the same now, since he's had some pretty bad back problems. But the dude could read the ball off the bat like I'd never seen, he didn't even have to dive to make up for bad reads like most of the highly touted CFers. And to sound like some BBTN jerkoff, Kotsay had a "hose"! I just like making fun of baseball "analysts". Kotsay had a ridiculous throwing arm. Imagine the opposite of Coco Crisp really quick...that's Mark Kotsay.

I thought Jacoby Ellsbury was a pussy with a weak arm, then I saw Coco Crisp throw a ball from CF somewhere towards the infield. I think it went about 10 feet in the air before it started rolling slowly. After I stopped laughing 5 minutes later, I made sure that it wasn't Johnny Damon...and nope, Coco sure enough was black, and then I realized that Johnny Damon's bitch ass throwing arm is like 20 times stronger than Crisp's. So after this incoherent analysis that I did in my mind, I finally figured out why Boston traded for Kotsay. They decided it would be bad for them to get laughed at during nationally televised games if they had both Ellsbury and Crisp's women arms in the OF during the same game.

Then Kotsay made his Red Sox debut yesterday. And of course Tito put him in RF, because he wouldn't want to have a strong throwing arm in CF, that would be too smart.

Thanks for the good years in Oakland Mark. I'll always have fond memories of Kotsay in his first couple of years with the A's. I feel bad that such a nice guy had to go to such a shitty place. There is one thing he can do to make this better for me though, just tank the season like Eric Gagne. You will earn a spot in the BHA Hall of Fame for that Mark. And Jamie Kotsay is welcome to come back to Oakland, we'll take her now.

With a lineup that features Kotsay, Ellsbury and Varitek on a regular basis, Boston is certainly fucked. I guess Kotsay is a better hitter than Crisp though, but who the fuck isn't. And I need to find out who the Sportscenter douche is who refers to every former Boston player as a "former Boston great". Really? Brandon Moss is a former great? Really????? And I love hearing that Boston is really deep in Starting Pitching. Really? Yeah, I guess when you are starting guys like Tim Wakefield, David Pauley and Paul Byrd, you're really fucking deep. Wait, actually no, that would be the opposite. If any of those losers makes a start for your team, it actually means you suck.

Finally, the last thought - stop it with this bullshit MVP and Cy Young talk ESPN. In the last 2 days, I've heard people who get paid to talk about sports mention that Dustin Pedroia could win the MVP and Matsuzaka could win the Cy Young. First, Pedroia has a 117 OPS+ and has the range of water fountain, and as of today, Matsuzaka has 743 walks in 100 innings. And he usually hits 100 pitches by the 2nd inning. Seriously people, stop it! You get paid to talk about sports, it would be nice if you knew what the fuck you were talking about.